Not My Proudest Moment

My Disciples,

I think I might be starting to come to grips with the fact that I do have a catnip banana problem.  A recent incident has helped to show Me that, at the very least, I tend to lose control when the banana is around.  A few days ago, as I was polishing off the last of the food in My bowl, I heard a noise coming from upstairs.  It sounded like someone licking a catnip banana.  I thought that this was impossible because Brother Oliver told Me he had disposed of the banana after the disgraceful incident in which he videotaped Me licking it.  Still, it’s a very distinct sound, and I was hard pressed to find another explanation for what I was hearing.  I climbed the stairs to investigate.

Otis is coming up a flight of stairs.

I swear I heard the sound of someone licking a catnip banana. I climbed the stairs to investigate.

When I reached the top of the stairs I froze.  I could not believe what I was seeing.  Brother Henry was sitting on the Sacred White Cloud of Eternal Comfiness and licking the catnip banana.

Brother Henry is sitting on a thick, white blanket licking a catnip banana.

Brother Henry had the banana! He was licking it on the Sacred White Cloud of Eternal Comfiness!

I’m ashamed to say, My Disciples, that I kind of lost it at this point.  At the sight of that banana My pupils dilated and I flew into a rage.  I screamed at Brother Henry to give Me the banana immediately or risk the wrath of Otis!

Otis looks like he is enraged with mouth open and paw raised.

I flew into a rage and commanded Brother Henry to give Me the banana or face My wrath!

Brother Henry immediately dropped the banana and laid down on it.  He put on his most innocent face and told Me he had no idea what I was talking about.  He said he hadn’t seen the banana since Brother Oliver destroyed it.  Nostrils flaring and tail twitching, I began to advance on him.

Brother Henry Laying on his side looking innocent.

Brother Henry laid on the banana and claimed he hadn't seen it. I began to advance on him.

Brother Oliver was sitting nearby watching this whole interaction from our new Scratch Lounger.  As I advanced, he turned to Brother Henry and said, “You know what we have to do.  On three…one…two…”

Brother Oliver on Scratch Lounger.

Brother Oliver was watching from the Scratch Lounger. He conspired with Brother Henry to keep Me from the banana.

Just as I lunged at Brother Henry, Brother Oliver shouted, “THREE!”  Brother Henry leapt to his feet and flipped the banana back over his head through the air.  Brother Oliver rushed to catch it, and I made a break to beat him to it.  Brother Henry backflipped over My head, landed between Brother Oliver and I and then pinned Me down on the Scratch Lounger.  In his most intimidating voice he yelled, “LEADER!  GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!”, and then he began quickly grooming Me in an attempt to calm Me down.

Brother Henry grooms Otis on the Scratch Lounger while Brother Oliver has the banana in the background.

Brother Henry tossed the banana to Brother Oliver and then executed some amazing moves to pin Me to the scratch lounger.

I was even more enraged at first, struggling against Brother Henry in a continued attempt to get to the banana.  Then, Brother Oliver tucked the banana out of sight behind one of our baskets and he rushed to Brother Henry’s side to attempt to help him in soothing Me.  I began to calm down.

Brother Oliver sitting next to Brother Henry grooming Otis.

With both Brother Henry and Brother Oliver soothing Me, I began to calm down.

I guess it must have gotten pretty noisy upstairs, because at this point we heard the Guardians shouting up the stairs asking what was going on.  All thoughts of the banana quickly evaporated from My mind as I thought about the Guardians coming upstairs and seeing Me in My weakened state.  Brothers Henry and Oliver are both cats, therefore they realize that I have My weaknesses.  The Guardians, however, worship Me as an infallible being.  I could not abide their seeing Me like this.

Otis and The Brothers Pause Looking Concerned.

At the sound of the Guardians' voices, all thoughts of the banana evaporated.

The Brothers and I remained silent, and the Guardians went back to whatever they were doing downstairs.  It had been a close call, but it seemed My impeccable image in the Guardians’ eyes would remain.  I had calmed down enough now that I was again thinking rationally.  I sat calmly, flanked by The Brains and The Muscle of the Cult of Otis.

The Brothers and Otis.

It had been a close call, but I still remained infallible in the eyes of the Guardians.

As we sat there quietly, Brother Oliver asked Me if I would finally admit that I might have a problem with catnip bananas.  I looked at him for a moment, then I looked over at Brother Henry.  I thought about what had just transpired.  Finally, I said that maybe I do have a problem with catnip bananas, but I secretly decided that I would need to spend some quality time with a catnip banana just to be sure…

So Sayeth otis

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Filed under Daily Life

15 responses to “Not My Proudest Moment

  1. Dear, Otis,
    don’t be ashamed.
    i hear the cat-nip bananas are quite addictive…
    have you tried the cat-nip apples yet?
    your tabby butt will do a flip, man.
    Meeeeeeeeeeeeeow. xx

  2. Oh, Otis, it is a brave, brave leader who can be honest in front of his disciples. I think even more highly of you now. If you could, can you please send some good Otis energy out to my mom, whose sixteen year old kitty Beau died this morning. We are all very sad. And maybe you can also put in a good word for Beau, because he liked to bite people.

    • I will definitely purr for your mom and for Beau. It sounds like he was well-loved, and he liked to return that love with love nips (what humans call “bites”).

  3. Christy

    I love your blog and read it every day!

  4. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem . . . next you could try C.A. Catnippers Anonymous. I’ve heard it works wonders!

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