I entered the living room late yesterday morning to find Brother Oliver sitting next to the portable kitty jail. I plopped down next to him and said, “Hey Brother Oliver. I’m glad to see you made it back from The Bad Place in one piece. Do you want to take a nap? I could use a nice soft pillow…” I waited for his reply, but I heard only silence.
I asked Brother Oliver if he wanted to take a nap. He was silent for some time.
I said, “Brother Oliver? Is everything OK?” He replied, “No Leader Otis, it’s not. It was a very stressful morning and I’m still pretty wound up. I mean, do you have any idea how frightening The Bad Place can be?” I said, “Ummmm… yeah… I’m pretty familiar with The Bad Place Brother Oliver. In fact, I was going to three different Bad Places on a regular basis there for awhile… remember?” Brother Oliver said, “Yeah! But let me tell you what happened to me!” Before I could tell him I’d rather take a nap, Brother Oliver launched into his story. Here is his harrowing tale:
“So, Leader Otis, first the Guardians forced me to get into the portable kitty jail. Then they carried me outside to the car. I yelled and yelled at the top of my lungs… ummm… you know, just to reassure the Guardians that everything was OK. Actually, the whole car ride is kind of a blur. I can’t be sure, but I think someone in the car might have peed a little.”
“When we got to The Bad Place, the Guardians took me out of the kitty jail and set me on a table. You would be amazed at how relaxed I was. I just looked around at everything, feeling completely calm and at ease. There were weird signs all over the wall. One of them said, “WiFi” and I wondered what that could mean…”
After Brother Oliver mentioned the “WiFi” sign, I heard a soft voice from under the couch say, “Oh my gosh… wiener fidos…” Brother Oliver didn’t seem to notice this. He just continued with his story.
“At one point, I thought I heard a dog whining and barking. I wasn’t worried though. Nope. I was totally fine with the thought that dogs might be mere feet from where I was standing. I could tell the Guardians were very nervous though, so I moved over closer to them.”
“When I moved over closer to the Guardians, the smaller one held her sweater open. I thought that maybe she needed a reassuring snuggle or something.”
“Then I remembered how Brother Henry had checked the Guardians clothing for hidden dogs last time he was at The Bad Place. I decided that I would be remiss in my own security responsibilities if I didn’t do the same.”
“As it turned out, there were no dogs in the Guardian’s sweater. I guess she was pretty relieved by that, but she still wanted a hug for reassurance. I obliged. I mean, it was totally for her. I was fine and didn’t need a hug.”
“I could tell the Guardian was overheating and feeling stressed. When we kitties get stressed like that, we usually pant. I knew that the Guardian couldn’t pant, so I decided to pant for her. Yeah! I panted for her. It wasn’t for me. I was totally fine. I remained totally fine even when the good people from The Bad Place entered the room to look at me. Yep… totally fine.”
I suspected that Brother Oliver wasn’t being entirely truthful with his “totally fine” business, but I decided to let it go. Join us tomorrow for the conclusion of the apparently misnamed “Harrowing Tale” of Brother Oliver.
So Sayeth Otis
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