Disciples of Otis,
Brother Oliver here. This morning, I walked into the living room to find Brother Henry locked up in the portable kitty jail. He was not happy. I asked him what was going on and he said, “I heard the Guardians say they are taking me to The Bad Place for a recheck. They don’t seem very worried about it, so I’m totally not worried either.” He looked worried to me.
I wished Brother Henry good luck, and then jumped down to go hit the food bowl. As I walked away I heard a female voice say, “Hah! Did they lock you up because you won’t stop bothering me?” I turned around to see Mama Cat looking at Brother Henry in the kitty jail.
I said, “Hey Mama! Leave Brother Henry alone. He’s about to go to The Bad Place.”, to which she replied, “OH! Sorry. I don’t like you bothering me but I have nothing but sympathy for any kitty that is about to go to The Bad Place… even you Brother Henry.” Brother Henry said, “Ummm… thanks, I guess.” And then the Guardians came in, grabbed the kitty jail, and headed out the front door.
An hour later the Guardians returned and let Brother Henry out of the jail. I asked him how it went at The Bad Place and he said, “Well, you know, everything was fine with the checkup, but the Guardians were very scared while we were there so I had to comfort them. First I draped myself over the smaller one to make her feel protected.”
Brother Henry continued, “Then, I could tell that the bigger Guardian was feeling really nervous. I thought that maybe he was scared that a dog had climbed inside his coat while he wasn’t looking…” At that point, a voice came from underneath the couch. It said, “A wiener dog?” Brother Henry said, “Yes, Thomas, it might have been a wiener dog. Anyway, I figured the only way to make the Guardian feel better would be for me to make sure the coat was clear. So I went in there and checked it out thoroughly.”
At this point, I said, “Are you sure that’s what happened, Brother Henry? Are you sure you weren’t the one seeking comfort from the Guardians?” To which he answered, “Of course not, Brother Oliver! I had to be brave for the Guardians! Are you questioning my story?” I said, “Ummm… no, of course not Brother Henry… it’s just that… well… it smells like you might have peed yourself a little bit.” Brother Henry suddenly looked very embarrassed. He said, “Oh… ummmm… It wasn’t me… it was… errr… the bigger Guardian. Yeah. I guess he was pretty scared.” I started to say, “But I’ve never seen one of the Guardians do that…” when Brother Henry interrupted saying, “DID YOU HEAR THAT! I THINK IT WAS BARKING IN THE BACK ALLEY!” And then he darted out of the room, bringing an end to the questioning. As he left, I heard a voice from under the couch say, “Weird. I didn’t hear any barking.”
So Sayeth Oliver