Brother Henry Was the Freebaser!

My Disciples,

Well, My investigation into the banana catnip freebase mystery only took about 15 minutes.  As I was wandering the house looking for additional clues, I heard a giant thud coming from on top of the big cat trees with drawers in front of the living room windows.  I rushed over to find Brother Henry, collapsed in a heap, and completely incoherent.

Shortly after discovering the ripped open catnip banana, I heard a thud. It was Brother Henry falling over.

Needless to say, I was shocked that it had been Brother Henry acting so irresponsibly with the banana catnip.  I called Brother Oliver in to help, and he splashed some water from the nearby Fountain of Eternal Hydration onto Brother Henry’s face.  The small drops of water seemed to immediately counteract the effects of the catnip, and Brother Henry jumped up and looked at us.  He was still a little confused and he said, “Leader Otis!  Brother Oliver!  Wha…what happened!?”  I told him that I knew darn well he had been freebasing banana catnip, but he immediately blurted out, “No!  I would never!  It…it was an accident!”

Brother Henry then proceeded to tell us the story of how he had been using the catnip banana and must have gotten a little to worked up.  He said he bit the banana very hard and, not being aware of his own strength, must have ripped a hole in it.  Before he knew what was happening, the pure, undiluted catnip had poured through the hole and into his open mouth.  After that, everything was a blank until he woke up to find Me and Brother Oliver staring at him.

Since Brother Henry has always been honest with Me in the past, I believed his story.  In the future though, I shall have to closely monitor him whenever he is using catnip bananas.  Even though he didn’t mean to do it this time, now that Brother Henry has a taste for the pure banana catnip, he may be unable to stop himself from ripping open the banana in the future.  I may also ask that, whenever he feels an overpowering urge to partake of pure banana catnip, he instead run up or down the stairs that lead to Kitty Valhalla.  There are exactly 12 stairs on that staircase, and I’ve heard that 12-step programs can be very useful in overcoming addiction.

So Sayeth Otis

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