It Might Have Been Catnip

People and fur people who are Disciples of The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas.

This morning, when I went into our Outdoor Domain, I discovered a small pile of dried plant material. It looked kind of like catnip, but I was pretty sure it was something else. I decided to investigate to try to figure out what it was. As I started sniffing the odd stuff, Brother Henry appeared in the doorway. He said, “Ummmm… Thomas… take it easy on that catnip.”

I started to investigate the plant material. Brother Henry thought it was catnip.

Cookie’s Catnip Catatonia

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

Ummmmm… I don’t want to embarrass Cookie or anything, but what I saw today was a little bit disturbing. It started when the bigger Guardian opened the door that leads to our Outdoor Domain. I heard him say, “Oh hi Cookie! Let me get you some nip, girl!” He then retrieved a small baggie of nip from the cupboard and disappeared outside. When he came back in I heard Cookie say, “Well, well, well… what have we here?” I immediately went to the Outdoor Domain to investigate. Here is what I saw:

Cookie was rubbing her chin on the pile of catnip left by the Guardian.

Brother Henry Survived Another Bad Place Visit

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

Last week, Brother Henry had to take another trip to The Bad Place. He has still been experiencing many ouchy moments, even after having most of his teeth removed a few months ago. I asked Brother Henry if he was afraid to be returning to The Bad Place and he said, “Nope, not at all.” When I asked him why not he said, “Because I am taking my Sacred Cloak of Ninja Power to keep me safe while I am there.” I assumed he was talking about the awesome ninja blanket that Disciple Christine sent him a while back.

Brother Henry wrapped himself in the Sacred Cloak of Ninja Power while he was at The Bad Place.

When he returned, Brother Henry told me that the good people at The Bad Place had looked in his mouth and discussed different options with The Guardians. He said he didn’t have time to tell me everything that had happened though, because he had something very important to do. When I found him 20 minutes later he was laying on the living room floor, banana-nipped out of his mind. I guess the stress of the day had really gotten to him, but after his peeling session he was certainly feeling no pain… not that I would ever condone such a thing, of course.

Brother Henry was so stressed by his visit to The Bad Place that he spent the rest of the afternoon peeling.

Fortunately, Brother Henry had recovered from his nipdulgence by the next day, and the Guardians have been giving him some kind of medication that he actually likes to eat! They just set the pill in front of him and he immediately gulps it down like it’s a treat or something. It kind of makes me want to try one, but the Guardians keep preventing me from doing so. Whatever it is, it seems to be helping. Brother Henry’s appetite has increased, and I heard the Guardians say the redness on his gums has  all but disappeared!

Here’s hoping that Brother Henry is back up to his full 17-pounds of tabby fury in no time!

So Sayeth Brother Oliver

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Stanley’s Nip-O-Rama Part 2- The Aftermath

People and fur people who are Disciples of The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas.

When we left off yesterday, Stanley had just gone belly up in a full blown nip fit, and I had yelled for The Brothers to come outside and help. They arrived quickly, and then we all began shouting to Stanley to try to rouse him from his stupor. It took quite awhile, but eventually he began to stir. As he came to, he rubbed his temple and groaned, “Owwwww… my aching head!”

Stanley finally came to. His head hurt.

I said, “Well what do you expect, Stan? That was some potent nip judging by the smell of it, and you were going to town on that stuff!” Stanley did not like to hear me chastising him. Without getting up off the ground, he turned his head toward me and hissed.

Stanley got mad at me for saying he should not have used so much nip. He hissed at me.

Immediately after he hissed, Stanley felt bad about it. He stood up and turned away with an ashamed look on his face. He said, “I’m sorry, Sir Thomas. That was the nip hissing. I get a little surly when I’ve had too much. I’ll just head home. Maybe my guardians will let me back inside now. Please tell your Guardians thanks for the nip.”

Stanley felt a little ashamed of how he had acted. He apologized and headed home.

As Stanley left, I asked Brother Oliver why the Guardians would have given Stanley such potent nip. Brother Oliver said, “Well, I guess they knew it would keep him safe for a little while. I mean, he couldn’t wander into traffic or get attacked by an off-leash dog as long as he was nipping out here in our yard could he?” I saw Brother Oliver’s point.

As Stanley disappeared I said, “Do you think he will be OK?” Brother Henry spoke up saying, “I hope he will, but you were a Limbo Kitty once, Thomas, and you know the danger he faces.” He was right. I did know. I had spent the last two years trying to forget.

As Stanley left, I wondered if he would be OK.

I turned to go back inside the house and noticed that Brother  Oliver seemed to focused on the spot where Stanley had been lying just moments before. I asked him, “Are you reflecting on the plight of Limbo Kitties, Brother Oliver?” He replied, “No… I’m just wondering if I can stretch my leg out far enough to reach what’s left of that nip…” After shaking my head at this comment, I continued on into the house. As I left, I heard Brother Oliver say, “OWWWWW!” Brother Henry had bopped him on the butt.

Thomas Out

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Stanley’s Nip-O-Rama Part 1- The Nip Fit

People and fur People who are Disciples of The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas.

Yesterday I went out into our Outdoor Domain and discovered that Stanley had stopped by for a visit. He was on the other side of the grill with his back turned to me. I tried to get his attention by shouting “Hey Stan! How are you doing?”, but he didn’t reply. He seemed to be preoccupied with something on the ground.

Stan had stopped by, but he seemed preoccupied with something on the ground.

I tried again, shouting, “Stanley! Great to see you man! I am so glad you are still OK, even though I see your guardians are still making you live in Limbo. Stanley? What are you doing over there?” After I finished speaking, Stanley plopped onto his side and started rubbing his cheek on the ground, but he finally acknowledged me by saying, “Can’t talk… nipping…”

Stanley said he couldn’t talk because he was nipping.

That is when the smell hit me. Someone had given Stanley some very potent nip. I was starting to get a little bit nipped out just from the smell. I was about to ask Stanley if he might need to take a break because he was hitting that nip pretty hard, but I did not get the chance. All of a sudden Stanley went belly up in a full blown nip fit!

Stanley went belly up in a full blown nip fit!

At that point, I decided it was time to call in reinforcements. I shouted, “Brother Henry! Brother Oliver! Get your furry butts out here! We have a nip-mergency!

Thomas Out

Tomorrow- Stanley’s Nip-O-Rama Part II- The Aftermath.

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I Was Moved By The Spirit Of The Leader

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

This morning I was feeling very sad and missing Leader Otis. It has been 5 months since we lost Him, but I am still having trouble accepting it. I’m ashamed to say that this morning I was so full of despair that I turned to the catnip banana for comfort.

In order to drown my sorrows, I turned to the catnip banana.

I Shouldn’t Have Done It

My Disciples,

I know better by now. I have a long history with catnip banana addiction. I have no idea what I was thinking last night. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. Today I am paying the price.

I know better. I shouldn’t have done it.

Fortunately, Brother Oliver once again pulled Me away from the bananas. He is now standing guard over them. I guess Brother Henry is looking for a suitable place to hide them so I don’t fall under their spell once again.

Brother Oliver is guarding the bananas until Brother Henry finds a place to hide them.

So yeah, I shouldn’t have done it. But once again I did. I can tell you one thing though. With the way I feel right now, this was the last time. No way do I want to deal with banangovers any more. No sireee. This was the last time… until the next time…

So Sayeth Otis

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We Had to Do It

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here. Longtime Disciples will likely be shocked, considering some of Leader Otis’s past problems, but I assure you we had to do it. You see, The Leader just wasn’t listening to reason. He is supposed to stay fairly still until next week, but ever since He finished the last of that clear liquid the Guardians were giving Him, He has been acting like He didn’t just have a Hipsterectomy. So we had to give it to Him. We knew it was the only thing that could slow Him down and make Him stay in one spot.

We had to give it to Him. He gave us no choice.

I know what you must be thinking… that we are all enablers. But you need to look at the bigger picture! Sure, Leader Otis has shown time and time again that He really can’t handle his catnip bananas, but He has always overcome His addiction and gotten Himself straightened out. I’m sure this time will be no different.

I’m sure Leader Otis will be fine. He’ll shake his dependence on the banana just like always.

Yep. This was really the best thing to do. Now He’ll stay nice and quiet as His body heals. It’s really no big deal. It looks like He’s really not even enjoying it as much as He used to. I’m not worried.

Yeah, He’s hardly even enjoying it. This wasn’t a huge mistake at all.

See? There. He’s stopped playing with the banana altogether. It looks like He’s gotten it entirely out of His system. Our plan has worked perfectly. Leader Otis is quiet and still, and He is totally not addicted to the banana again. Leader Otis? Leader?

Leader Otis?

Ummmm…. I think we’ve made a huge mistake.

So Says Brother Henry

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That Was The Last Time…Until Next Time

My Disciples,

Oooof! I feel like a bird that’s been mauled by an outdoor cat. Everything hurts, especially My head. It always seems like such a good idea, that catnip banana. It’s always sitting there calling to Me with it’s yellowy seductiveness. So I succumb to that call, and next thing I know I’m waking up on the floor with one or both of The Brothers looking at Me with that familiar expression. You know the one. It is a mix of concern and exasperation. And then… then come the feelings of shame.

Oh, catnip banana. I love you and hate you, both at the same time.

I would love to say that this was the last time… but I don’t think that would be honest. I can usually resist this addiction, but then something happens that brings the weight of the world down on Me and the call of the catnip banana wins out. This last time was due to My own personal issue with being embarrassed in front of other kitties, but more often than not it is brought on by seeing or hearing about all of those poor kitties that are in Limbo, or that have been abandoned in the wilderness. If humans could break their addiction to the idea that domestic cats don’t need to be given safe boundaries by their guardians, then I would stand a much better chance of breaking My own addiction to the kitty cracknana.

Ugggggh! I really do feel like I’ve been run over by a truck… which… I guess… is something that might actually be happening for real right now to one of those kitties out there without safe boundaries. Oh man… I wonder where Brother Oliver hid that banana…

So Sayeth Otis

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The Bananectomy Was Successful

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here. After seven straight hours of catnip banana snuggling, Leader Otis finally passed out. Brother Oliver and I took that opportunity to remove the object of The Leader’s addiction through a delicate procedure Brother Oliver referred to as a “bananectomy”. Once it had been extracted, Brother Oliver stashed the banana in an undisclosed location while I stood watch over Leader Otis as he lay there in his nippy stupor.

The bananectomy was a success! Brother Oliver whisked the catnip banana off to an undisclosed location while I stood watch over The Leader.

After an hour or so, Brother Oliver returned to relieve me. The Leader had staggered across the living room to a new spot, but he had lapsed back into unconsciousness.

Brother Oliver relieved Me after an hour. Leader Otis had gotten up, but he promptly passed out again.

Brother Oliver said that three hours later Leader Otis opened his eyes and said, “Brother Oliver? Where is My banana?”, to which Brother Oliver replied, “I have no idea, Leader Otis. Maybe you ate it.” Leader Otis said, “Yeah. That would explain why I feel like I weigh as much as Brother Henry right now. Seriously, I can’t even move I feel so heavy.”

Leader Otis asked where the banana had gone. Brother Oliver told Him He had probably eaten it.

After a moment’s pause, The Leader said, “Great, now I’m probably going to barf a big yellow hairball later…” Then he started giggling uncontrollably before passing out once again. I know the nip will wear off eventually, and Leader Otis will be OK, but I also know that he is going to have one heck of a headache come morning…

So Says Brother Henry

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