The Great Claw Trimming Conspiracy

My Disciples,

Yesterday was the worst.  Once again, just as I get My nails all nice and sharp the way I like them, the Guardians decide that they must be trimmed.  Brother Oliver usually just grumbles a little bit and then lets the Guardians do their trimming.  Brother Henry and I, on the other hand, fight like mad to keep our pointy daggers.  Unfortunately, the Guardians always have the upper hand.  Actually, they have four upper hands, all of them with thumbs.  One of them uses their hands and thumbs to grab us by the scruff and hold us tight against their body.  The other goes to work with those foul clippers.  I always feel so violated!  Yesterday, after the desecration of My claws, I just sat on the large cat tree (the one with the drawers that’s in front of the window) and let My badly insulted paws dangle.

Otis dangling paws

After the claw trimming, My paws felt both defiled and useless. I let them hang limply from the cat tree.

I’ve overheard the Guardians espousing the virtues of trimming claws.  They say things like, “It will help prevent art thritis…” and “It will reduce the risk of injury from getting claws stuck in things…”  It all sounds suspicious to Me.  For one thing, I already have art thritis, so how can trimming help now?  And aren’t claws supposed to be stuck into things?  Isn’t that why they’re pointy?  I suspect that more sinister forces may be at work behind this claw blunting obsession.  In fact, I think it might have something to do with the long-feared dog uprising.  Perhaps they are trying to make sure that all of us cats are disarmed before they make their move.  If that’s the case, the Guardians are inadvertently playing right into their paws…

So Sayeth Otis

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21 Comments

Filed under Daily Life

21 responses to “The Great Claw Trimming Conspiracy

  1. Sorry to hear this, Otis! Olivia & Tanner don’t mind getting their claws trimmed, but Finn HATES it!

  2. claws whacked…OH MY!!! I just know my “Guardians” are planning that for anytime now…I watch and wait…hopefully I can make the get away dash before Dad does the “grab and scruff”! YIKES! I so hate having humans touch my lovely, manicured toes and nails…I have gone to the vet for this awful procedure before…but I heard them talking and they are doing it this time…supposedly this will “reduce stress” on me doing it at home…HA! I say!

  3. Our thoughts are with you Otis during this difficult time! My Maggie girl is in complete agreement with you. Unfortunately, poor Cleo came to us after her previous guardian had sent her to the vet to have them permanently removed… the thought of it even makes me shudder. If you ever get too depressed about having your claws blunted just think of that alternative. 😦

    • Poor Cleo. 😦 Her previous guardian broke the 11th Commandment of Otis! Brother Henry will be dispatched immediately to dole out justice.

      • Fortunately, Cleo does get to bite the previous guardian fairly often, as it was my mother and she visits the grandkitties frequently. I will let her know of your disgust and the assistance of Brother Henry. I’m sure she will appreciate it.

  4. Aw, poor guys! We had a little claw trimming party here the other day too, no one likes it. I think they agree with you about the dog uprising…

  5. Claw clipping is ok. Mama does it for me. She is quick about it and when it’s done there are treats and catnip.
    TeddyCat

  6. BELLY! Woops, sorry…. couldn’t help myself.

  7. I’ve never clipped the claws of either of my kitties. Cinnamon would just never let me touch her feet at all for any reason ever. And she never really had any problems from it, so I don’t bother with Pebble either. After all, the claws just shed and grow back sharp again. Which I never knew before Cinnamon came to live with me, so the first time I found one it freaked me out! 🙂

    • I wish the Guardians wouldn’t trim our claws, Knotrune, but they seem to think it is a bad thing when they have to unhook us from the rug. They also complain when they pick us up and we leave needle holes in their arms and backs. I think they just complain too much. 🙂

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