Disciples of Otis,
Brother Oliver here. After Brother Henry left to go find Thomas, I stayed behind to try to hide the wiener dog scratcher as I was asked. After several minutes passed though, I had to desert my post briefly to take care of some urgent business at the litter box. I’m ashamed to say I might have waited a little too long… Anyway when I returned to the living room I was shocked to find Thomas sitting on top of the wiener dog scratcher giving himself a bath!
Sir Thomas was sitting on top of the wiener dog scratcher. He was bathing!
Yesterday was the worst. Once again, just as I get My nails all nice and sharp the way I like them, the Guardians decide that they must be trimmed. Brother Oliver usually just grumbles a little bit and then lets the Guardians do their trimming. Brother Henry and I, on the other hand, fight like mad to keep our pointy daggers. Unfortunately, the Guardians always have the upper hand. Actually, they have four upper hands, all of them with thumbs. One of them uses their hands and thumbs to grab us by the scruff and hold us tight against their body. The other goes to work with those foul clippers. I always feel so violated! Yesterday, after the desecration of My claws, I just sat on the large cat tree (the one with the drawers that’s in front of the window) and let My badly insulted paws dangle.
After the claw trimming, My paws felt both defiled and useless. I let them hang limply from the cat tree.
I’ve overheard the Guardians espousing the virtues of trimming claws. They say things like, “It will help prevent art thritis…” and “It will reduce the risk of injury from getting claws stuck in things…” It all sounds suspicious to Me. For one thing, I already have art thritis, so how can trimming help now? And aren’t claws supposed to be stuck into things? Isn’t that why they’re pointy? I suspect that more sinister forces may be at work behind this claw blunting obsession. In fact, I think it might have something to do with the long-feared dog uprising. Perhaps they are trying to make sure that all of us cats are disarmed before they make their move. If that’s the case, the Guardians are inadvertently playing right into their paws…
So Sayeth Otis
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