People and fur people who like Leader Otis,
It’s Thomas. That weird Brother Henry told me that I need to cover the blog today because I was being insubordinate. I’m not sure how he figures I was being insubordinate since I’m in charge of myself and did exactly what I told myself to do. Maybe he’s just not sure what the word means or something. To be clear, we didn’t get in a fight or anything, and I still really like Brother Henry, but still… he’s weird.
It all started last night when I was sitting on the cat tree in the living room looking out the window. Brother Henry came running up and said, “Junior Agent T! We need your help! Our friend Savannah pointed out that we should be using you as a backup in our patrols of the house, and we tend to agree!”
Brother Henry said that he wanted me to help patrol the house. He is weird.
I said, “Is this gonna be like the time you initiated Defensaspan Alpo and made me stay up all night looking out the window? ‘Cause that wasn’t very funny…” Brother Henry said, “No! This is serious business! The Leader is very vulnerable right now and we need to continually patrol the house for any signs of the Long-feared Dog Uprising! Can we count on you Junior Agent T!?”
I paused for a moment as I absorbed what Brother Henry had just said, then I asked, “Sooo… you’re saying there may be dogs in the house right now?” Brother Henry answered, “Possibly. We won’t know until we patrol.” I said, “And if there are dogs in the house, their intent is to attack The Leader?” Brother Henry said, “Most definitely Junior Agent T, but they’ll have to get through us first! Can we count on you Junior Agent T!?” I didn’t answer Brother Henry because I was too busy jumping off the cat tree and running over to the couch. As I retreated I heard Brother Henry say, “Junior Agent T! Where are you going!?”
I didn’t answer Brother Henry’s question… at least not with words…
Once I was safely wedged under the couch I said, “Brother Henry, I’m happy to patrol for you as long as I am only assigned this area under the couch. I was led to believe that this ‘Promised Land’ was safe for kitties, and now you tell me it might be filled with hostile dogs? What is going on around here!?” Brother Henry then said, rather sternly I might add, “Junior Agent T! The Promised Land IS safe, but the price of safety is eternal vigilance! Who knows what the dogs are up to? Can you be sure they don’t have canine scientists working around the clock to discover the secret of the doorknob so they can come in here and take out The Leader!?”
I thought about what Brother Henry had said, and then I said, “Yeah… I can be pretty sure about that. First of all, I don’t think there are any canine scientists. Second, there is no secret to a door knob, you just need hands with thumbs to work most of them. Third, if dogs did discover the ‘secret’ of the doorknob they would only be interested in getting into the pet food store or the butcher shop.” Brother Henry stopped me right there and said, “I don’t have time for your doubting, insubordinate ways Junior Agent Thomas. Please just go handle the blog so Brother Oliver and I can focus on our patrol.”
So, that’s what I did. And you know what? When I crawled out from under the couch, I did so confident in the knowledge that there was no way any dogs out there were planning any kind of attack on The Leader. But as I sit here writing, I just heard a bark off in the distance. Then I heard an answering bark, a little bit closer. I know Brother Henry is weird… but what if he is also right? I think I will go resume my patrol under the couch. There is a big difference between doubt and certainty.
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