Tag Archives: dog

Thomas’s Discovery Takes Us To DEFCAT 2

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here,

This morning I walked into the living room to find Brother Henry and Sir Thomas sitting up on the arm of the couch looking like they were on high alert. I overheard Thomas say, “I am telling you Brother Henry, I saw it with my own eyes! This thing could be the biggest threat to feline existence since the invention of the vacuum cleaner!”

Wiener Threat 1-1

Sir Thomas told Brother H that he had discovered the biggest threat to feline existence since the vacuum cleaner.

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Thomas’s New And Improved Wiener Defense Method

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here.

You may recall a while back Sir Thomas had us run a week of wiener dog readiness drills. During that week we were using the Super Outpost Tabby Tower as our assembly station whenever whenever Thomas yelled out “Wiener Dog!” Well, it seems that Thomas has done some more strategic thinking because he came to us this week and told us he had devised a revolutionary new defensive plan.

Sir T said, “I know the Tabby Tower was the key to my previous wiener defense plan, but I have been reviewing that plan and realized that it had a glaring flaw. What if the wieners cut off our pathway to the tower? What will we do then? I have come up with a plan to deal with that possibility. I call it ‘operation got your back’. If the wieners attack and cut off our path to the tower, we will all jump to the highest, nearby, accessible spot and assume a back to back defensive formation. We will present the wieners with an impenetrable wall of teeth and claws! Are you ready to try it? Alright. Let’s go! Wiener dog!”

At Thomas’s shout all three of us quickly scanned the area and noticed that the arm of the couch was the nearest, highest perch. We all quickly leapt up and assumed the formation Thomas had devised.

Henry, Oliver, Thomas in position

When Thomas shouted “wiener dog!” we all jumped up on the arm of the couch and assumed the defensive position.

Once we were on the couch, I noticed there was one glaring weakness in Thomas’s suggested defensive position. I said, “Ummm… Thomas? With the three of us in this position it seems like we can handle attacks from the south, east, and west, but what if the attack comes from the north? Don’t we need a fourth cat to cover the fourth direction?” Sir T replied, “Nope, because Brother Oliver is going to do that. I forgot to mention that Brother Oliver will be in scan mode, turning his head rapidly from left to right to cover attacks from both the east and north! Give it a try Brother O!”

Henry, Oliver, Thomas in defensive position.

Sir Thomas said that Brother Oliver would be swiveling his head to cover two directions. Brother Oliver gave it a try.

As Brother Oliver swiveled his head back and forth he said, “Sir T? I kind of feel like if I turn my head back and forth, a wiener dog will just lunge in and attack me as soon as I am looking away from him.” Sir Thomas replied, “Yep. That will probably happen.” Brother Oliver said, “Ummmm… but if this is a defensive position isn’t it supposed to keep me from getting attacked?” Sir Thomas replied, “Well… sort of. See, once a wiener attacks you the others will follow. That will allow Brother Henry and me to run away quickly and find the Guardians so they can come help you. It’s the perfect plan.” Brother Oliver said, “Sooooo… in this new plan… I’m the bait again?” Sir Thomas replied, “Bait? No. No way. That is not what I would call you. I would call you the key to plan’s success!”

Upon hearing that Brother Oliver jumped down. As he walked out of the room he said, “Go back to the drawing board Sir T…” at which point Sir Thomas turned to me and said, “How would you feel about covering attacks from the north and east Brother H?” I replied, “I think you better worry more about attacks from the south.”, and then I whacked Thomas on the bum with my paw.

So Says Brother Henry

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A Week of WDRD

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

Sorry for the lack of updates this past week, but Thomas has been making us run Wiener Dog Readiness Drills. Basically, he waits until he thinks Brother Henry and I have let our guard down, and then he suddenly yells, “Wiener dog!”, and we all have to run to Super Outpost Tabby Tower as fast as we can go. From there we assume a defensive formation and wait for the imminent attack.

Wiener Dog Readiness 1

Thomas has had us running Wiener Dog Readiness Drills all week.

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We Remain Vigilant… Well… Some Of Us Do

People and fur people who are Disciples of The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas.

Since Brother Henry has been feeling a bit vulnerable as he recovers from his surgery, I told him I would handle all Cult security duties for the next few weeks. I have  been patrolling the house nightly, and yowling out the “all clear” call every five minutes or so to let The Brothers and the Guardians know that all is well. During the day I have been spending time in the Outdoor Domain looking and listening for any suspicious canine activity that might indicate the start of The Long-feared (Wiener) Dog Uprising.

Thomas on watch

I have been standing watch in the Outdoor Domain to ensure that I spot any LF(W)DU activity immediately.

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Sentinel Sunday

My Disciples,

After hearing some suspicious chatter in his intelligence network, Brother Henry became suspicious that agents associated with The Long-feared Dog Uprising were up to something. He declared today “Sentinel Sunday” and said that he would sit sentinel duty in the front window until he was sure the danger had passed.

Henry front window sentinel 01

Brother Henry heard some chatter in his intelligence network. He decided today should be Sentinel Sunday.

Now, to be completely honest, the “chatter” that Brother Henry heard came from Thomas. You see, I sort of mentioned to Thomas that I thought I heard a pack of crazed wiener dogs barking on the street in front of the house. I didn’t want to freak Thomas out or anything, but I knew if I told him this he would report directly to Brother Henry to tell him that the dogs were up to something. I knew that Brother Henry would then go into security mode and forget about trying to get Mama Cat to like him for a while. Clearly, it worked. Brother H has been in that window for three solid hours now.

Henry front window sentinel 1

Brother Henry has been a sentinel in the front window for the past three hours now.

So yeah, I feel a little bit bad that Sir Thomas is now going from window to window in the house, looking out and shouting, “Don’t even think about it you crazy wieners! If you get through the sentinel, you shall have a knight with whom you must contend!” But you know what? Mama Cat has been sleeping peacefully on the Tabby Tower all morning, and a little more vigilance might actually be good for Sir Thomas. After all, he must be ready to lead the charge in case of an invasion by the Mongrel Horde. It’s kind of heartening to see the courage he is displaying now, when faced with a pack of crazed wiener dogs… even if they are imaginary.

So Sayeth Otis

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Security Outpost Sunday

People and fur people who like The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas. Following Brother Henry’s example of extreme vigilance at the front window yesterday, I have decided to sit my own vigil atop Security Outpost Tabby Tower today. I shall remain ever-watchful, and no suspicious activity shall elude my piercing gaze, for I dub this “Security Outpost Sunday”!

Thomas on top of security outpost

Today I shall perch atop the Tabby Tower and remain ever-watchful.

I can see everything from up here. I shall laugh mockingly at any long, short-legged dogs that attempt to reach me on my safe perch, and I shall sound the alarm so that The Brothers will have ample time to get The Leader to safety before the invasion of the mongrel horde.

Thomas looking down

I am untouchable on this high perch. I shall mock those who attempt to reach me.

Yes sir. I am a safe and sound sentinel. I… oh, hi Brother Henry. What’s that? Watch out for what? Parapoopers?

Thomas looking down at Brother Henry

What’s that, Brother Henry? Watch out for Parapoopers?

Oh my gosh! I forgot about the oft-rumored, airborne canine attack force! Ummmmm… well… perhaps I need to alter my tactics then…

Thomas in his cubby

Yes, this is much better.

What’s that? What happened to Security Outpost Sunday? Oh, well, this cubby is also a security outpost. It is… ummmm… Security Outpost Cozy Kitty Cubby. So it’s totally still Security Outpost Sunday. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some vigilance to maintain.

Thomas Out

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Brother Henry Is Back On The Job

People and fur people who like The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas. You may remember that I filled in on security duty a couple days ago so Brother Henry could have a day off. I am happy to report that the day off was just what he needed to recharge his cat batteries (catteries?) so he could return to work refreshed and ready to go. Today, he is back on the job, sitting sentinel duty in the front window and keeping a sharp eye out for any suspicious canine activity.

Sentinel Henry 1

Brother Henry is back on the job!

Not only is he keeping his eyes peeled, he is also listening. Every once in a while he will turn one ear or the other toward the window to better hear any barks, whines, yips or yelps that might indicate that The Long-feared Dog Uprising has commenced.

Sentinel Henry 2

Brother Henry is also listening for any indication that we are about to be attacked by the mongrel horde.

As if all of this vigilance is not enough, Brother Henry is also putting all would-be canine conspirators on notice. Whenever he sees a dog go past on the sidewalk outside, he yells, “DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT DOG! YOU WILL NOT GET PAST THIS 17-POUNDS OF TABBY FURY!”

Sentinel Henry 3

Brother Henry frequently yells at any dogs within earshot so they know not to try anything.

Now, all of this is classic Brother Henry security tactics, but I noticed he added something else into the mix. It kind of makes me feel good because it makes me believe that he might be starting to take me even more seriously as a security agent. You see, after Brother Henry shouts his “DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT DOGS…” message, I have heard him add, “…especially you, wiener dogs…” under his breath.

Sentinel Henry 4

Brother Henry has started adding the words, “…especially you, wiener dogs…” to his shouted dog commands. It makes me feel like he is taking me seriously!

I’m looking even more forward than before to continuing the help Brother Henry secure The Leader’s Domain. If he really is starting to understand the threat posed by the dastardly wieners, then we shall be even more prepared in the event that the LF(W)DU comes to pass.

Thomas Out

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Suspicious Sounds Sunday

People and fur people who like The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas. Ummmm… this morning I was sitting at the top of the stairs in Kitty Valhalla when I heard a noise downstairs. It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen. It took me a minute or two to figure it out, but I eventually decided that it was the Guardians making their fuel. Well, they call it “coffee”, but it is clearly human fuel because it really seems to get them going in the morning. Anyway, I was pretty sure that was what I was hearing.

Thomas hears a sound

I could hear the Guardians downstairs in the kitchen making a pot of human fuel. At least, that was what I thought at first.

The more I listened though, the more the sounds coming from the kitchen started to concern me. I don’t know why, but my mind started to wander a bit and I began to wonder if someone else might be down there in the kitchen. The Leader is very vulnerable right now, and Brother Henry says that agents of the Long-feared Dog Uprising are probably aware of this. What if there were dogs down in the kitchen, brewing up a pot of some special dog fuel in preparation for an attack? AND WHAT IF THEY WERE WIENER DOGS!?

Thomas becomes concerned

Suddenly I had the realization that there could be wiener dogs in the kitchen!

The more I listened, the more I was sure that at least six to eight wiener dogs were down there in the kitchen fueling up. Once they were fully fueled, there would be no stopping them. The best thing I could do was to retreat to a strategic location and prepare to make my final stand. If the wieners were coming for me, I was going to at least take a few of them out with me!

Thomas preparing for attack

I retreated to a strategic location (aka, my cubby hole) to make my last stand.

A few minutes passed, and then one of the Guardians appeared at the top of the steps. He had come up to give me my morning pets, and he was carrying a cup of his fuel. I guess it had been the Guardians down there all along. Feeling relieved and a little embarrassed, I came out and accepted my morning pets. I kept both ears open though. Just because it wasn’t wiener dogs that I had heard in the kitchen, that doesn’t mean they’re not out there. When the LFDU does send in their most feared ground troops, I do not plan to be caught unaware!

Thomas Out

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Cats Rule In Seattle

My Disciples,

First of all, let Me just say how sorry I am you had to witness My little breakdown yesterday. Sometimes the weight of the world comes crashing in and everything just seems too difficult to bear. Fortunately, Brother Henry and Brother Oliver were there to get Me through My rough patch.

Otis a little embarassed

Sorry about that. Things just got a little overwhelming for Me.

But today is another day, and every day is a new opportunity for a fresh start and a different perspective. And you know what? I have heard some very encouraging news! It seems that My hometown, Seattle, has nothing but love for us kitties. In fact, Seattle has significantly more cats than dogs, or even human children! It’s true! It was in the newspaper! And you know what that means? It means that The Brothers and I are in the best possible place to lead the counterattack in the event of the Long-feared Dog Uprising!

Intimidating Otis

That’s right dogs, we have you outnumbered! Don’t even think about it!

So today I feel like I can take on the world! Or, at least I don’t feel like the world is going to chew Me up and spit Me out. Ummm… to be even more specific, I don’t feel like the dogs planning the Long-feared Uprising are going to chew Me up and spit Me out because I have a whole army of cats right here at My disposal! Vive la resistance!

So Sayeth Otis

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I Thought This Place Was Safe!

People and fur people who like Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas. That weird Brother Henry told me that I need to cover the blog today because I was being insubordinate. I’m not sure how he figures I was being insubordinate since I’m in charge of myself and did exactly what I told myself to do. Maybe he’s just not sure what the word means or something. To be clear, we didn’t get in a fight or anything, and I still really like Brother Henry, but still… he’s weird.

It all started last night when I was sitting on the cat tree in the living room looking out the window. Brother Henry came running up and said, “Junior Agent T! We need your help! Our friend Savannah pointed out that we should be using you as a backup in our patrols of the house, and we tend to agree!”

Thomas on cat tree

Brother Henry said that he wanted me to help patrol the house. He is weird.

I said, “Is this gonna be like the time you initiated Defensaspan Alpo and made me stay up all night looking out the window? ‘Cause that wasn’t very funny…” Brother Henry said, “No! This is serious business! The Leader is very vulnerable right now and we need to continually patrol the house for any signs of the Long-feared Dog Uprising! Can we count on you Junior Agent T!?”

I paused for a moment as I absorbed what Brother Henry had just said, then I asked, “Sooo… you’re saying there may be dogs in the house right now?” Brother Henry answered, “Possibly. We won’t know until we patrol.” I said, “And if there are dogs in the house, their intent is to attack The Leader?” Brother Henry said, “Most definitely Junior Agent T, but they’ll have to get through us first! Can we count on you Junior Agent T!?” I didn’t answer Brother Henry because I was too busy jumping off the cat tree and running over to the couch. As I retreated I heard Brother Henry say, “Junior Agent T! Where are you going!?”

Thomas Under Couch

I didn’t answer Brother Henry’s question… at least not with words…

Once I was safely wedged under the couch I said, “Brother Henry, I’m happy to patrol for you as long as I am only assigned this area under the couch. I was led to believe that this ‘Promised Land’ was safe for kitties, and now you tell me it might be filled with hostile dogs? What is going on around here!?” Brother Henry then said, rather sternly I might add, “Junior Agent T! The Promised Land IS safe, but the price of safety is eternal vigilance! Who knows what the dogs are up to? Can you be sure they don’t have canine scientists working around the clock to discover the secret of the doorknob so they can come in here and take out The Leader!?”

I thought about what Brother Henry had said, and then I said, “Yeah… I can be pretty sure about that. First of all, I don’t think there are any canine scientists. Second, there is no secret to a door knob, you just need hands with thumbs to work most of them. Third, if dogs did discover the ‘secret’ of the doorknob they would only be interested in getting into the pet food store or the butcher shop.” Brother Henry stopped me right there and said, “I don’t have time for your doubting, insubordinate ways Junior Agent Thomas. Please just go handle the blog so Brother Oliver and I can focus on our patrol.”

So, that’s what I did. And you know what? When I crawled out from under the couch, I did so confident in the knowledge that there was no way any dogs out there were planning any kind of attack on The Leader. But as I sit here writing, I just heard a bark off in the distance. Then I heard an answering bark, a little bit closer. I know Brother Henry is weird… but what if he is also right? I think I will go resume my patrol under the couch. There is a big difference between doubt and certainty.

Thomas Out

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