Tag Archives: dachshund

Thomas’s New And Improved Wiener Defense Method

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here.

You may recall a while back Sir Thomas had us run a week of wiener dog readiness drills. During that week we were using the Super Outpost Tabby Tower as our assembly station whenever whenever Thomas yelled out “Wiener Dog!” Well, it seems that Thomas has done some more strategic thinking because he came to us this week and told us he had devised a revolutionary new defensive plan.

Sir T said, “I know the Tabby Tower was the key to my previous wiener defense plan, but I have been reviewing that plan and realized that it had a glaring flaw. What if the wieners cut off our pathway to the tower? What will we do then? I have come up with a plan to deal with that possibility. I call it ‘operation got your back’. If the wieners attack and cut off our path to the tower, we will all jump to the highest, nearby, accessible spot and assume a back to back defensive formation. We will present the wieners with an impenetrable wall of teeth and claws! Are you ready to try it? Alright. Let’s go! Wiener dog!”

At Thomas’s shout all three of us quickly scanned the area and noticed that the arm of the couch was the nearest, highest perch. We all quickly leapt up and assumed the formation Thomas had devised.

Henry, Oliver, Thomas in position

When Thomas shouted “wiener dog!” we all jumped up on the arm of the couch and assumed the defensive position.

Once we were on the couch, I noticed there was one glaring weakness in Thomas’s suggested defensive position. I said, “Ummm… Thomas? With the three of us in this position it seems like we can handle attacks from the south, east, and west, but what if the attack comes from the north? Don’t we need a fourth cat to cover the fourth direction?” Sir T replied, “Nope, because Brother Oliver is going to do that. I forgot to mention that Brother Oliver will be in scan mode, turning his head rapidly from left to right to cover attacks from both the east and north! Give it a try Brother O!”

Henry, Oliver, Thomas in defensive position.

Sir Thomas said that Brother Oliver would be swiveling his head to cover two directions. Brother Oliver gave it a try.

As Brother Oliver swiveled his head back and forth he said, “Sir T? I kind of feel like if I turn my head back and forth, a wiener dog will just lunge in and attack me as soon as I am looking away from him.” Sir Thomas replied, “Yep. That will probably happen.” Brother Oliver said, “Ummmm… but if this is a defensive position isn’t it supposed to keep me from getting attacked?” Sir Thomas replied, “Well… sort of. See, once a wiener attacks you the others will follow. That will allow Brother Henry and me to run away quickly and find the Guardians so they can come help you. It’s the perfect plan.” Brother Oliver said, “Sooooo… in this new plan… I’m the bait again?” Sir Thomas replied, “Bait? No. No way. That is not what I would call you. I would call you the key to plan’s success!”

Upon hearing that Brother Oliver jumped down. As he walked out of the room he said, “Go back to the drawing board Sir T…” at which point Sir Thomas turned to me and said, “How would you feel about covering attacks from the north and east Brother H?” I replied, “I think you better worry more about attacks from the south.”, and then I whacked Thomas on the bum with my paw.

So Says Brother Henry

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Brother Henry Should Talk To Thomas

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

After our shocking discovery in Kitty Valhalla, Brother Henry and I regrouped in the Outdoor Domain to discuss what we should do next. To me, our next move is obvious- Brother Henry needs to confront Thomas about what we found. Clearly our resident knight has an overactive imagination, and his obsession with wiener dogs may eventually pose a problem if it interferes with his Cult related security duties. Since Brother Henry is The Muscle of The Cult, and thus in charge of security, he should be the one to talk to Thomas. I pointed this out to Brother Henry, but all he said was, “I hear you Brother Oliver but I’m busy right now.

Oliver and Henry pondering Thomas 1

I told Brother Henry he needs to talk to Thomas, but he said he was busy.

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Uncovering The Secret Part III- All Is Revealed

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here.

When we last left off, Brother Oliver had joined me in Kitty Valhalla, and I was about to open the curtains so we could both get a good look at what Thomas has been hiding up there. I did just that, and both Brother Oliver and I were dumbstruck by the sight that lay before us.

Thomas's Secret

I threw back the curtains and revealed Thomas’s secret. Click on the image to see it full size so you can witness the disturbing content for yourself!

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Uncovering The Secret Part I- The Ultimate Plan

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here.

As you are likely well aware, Brother Oliver and I have been having some difficulty getting up into Kitty Valhalla to discover what Thomas has been hiding up there. After a few failed attempts, Brother Oliver sat down and applied his considerable brain power to the problem. He’s not known as The Brains of The Cult of Otis for nothing, and he once again proved worthy of the title when he came up with the best plan ever to distract Thomas long enough for us to investigate Valhalla. He put the plan in motion yesterday morning.

While he was sitting in the Outdoor Domain with our resident knight, Brother Oliver let out a very loud, disappointed sounding sigh. This immediately sparked Sir Thomas’s curiosity, and he said, “What’s wrong, Brother Oliver? Are you upset about something?”

Brother Oliver putting plan in motion

Brother Oliver let out a big sigh and Thomas asked him what was wrong.

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They Think This Is A Game

People and fur people who are Disciples of The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas.

This morning, as I was standing watch in The Outdoor Domain, Brother Oliver came outside and joined me. After sitting silently for a moment he said, “Sir Thomas… despite my dislike of your strategic plan, last week’s Wiener Dog Readiness Drills really got me thinking. Do you really believe a wiener dog attack is imminent, or is this all just some silly game you are playing?”

Thomas and Oliver in enclosure 1

Brother Oliver asked if I was just playing a game.

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A Week of WDRD

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

Sorry for the lack of updates this past week, but Thomas has been making us run Wiener Dog Readiness Drills. Basically, he waits until he thinks Brother Henry and I have let our guard down, and then he suddenly yells, “Wiener dog!”, and we all have to run to Super Outpost Tabby Tower as fast as we can go. From there we assume a defensive formation and wait for the imminent attack.

Wiener Dog Readiness 1

Thomas has had us running Wiener Dog Readiness Drills all week.

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Roasted Wieners

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

This morning I was sitting out in our Outdoor Domain when Thomas came out and plopped himself down on the stairs. My back was too him because I was concentrating on some particularly crunchy looking birds on the roof of the house next door, but he kept making little remarks like, “Hmmmm… wow…. really?… No way…”, as if he was trying to get my attention. When the birds flew away, I finally looked back over my shoulder to see what he was up to. He was staring at the grill.

Oliver and Thomas in enclosure

Thomas was staring at the grill and repeatedly making little remarks as if he was amazed by it.

I said, “Sir Thomas? What are you going on about?”, and he said, “Brother Oliver! I was just in the house talking with Brother Henry, and he told me the most exciting thing! He said that he was watching TV with the Guardians and some people on the screen were roasting wiener dogs on a grill! I didn’t even know people knew about the wiener dog threat, let alone that they were taking such drastic measures to address it. Do you think the Guardians might roast some wieners on this grill?”

Thomas optimistic

Thomas was very excited by Brother Henry’s news.

After being silent for a moment, I said, “Ummm… Sir Thomas? Are you sure Brother Henry said they were roasting ‘wiener dogs’ on a grill?” Thomas replied, “Well, yeah! I mean… well… he said they were ‘hot dogs’ at first, but then he definitely said ‘wieners’, so I figured ‘hot dog’ was just a funny name for a wiener dog on a grill…” After another moment of silence I said, “Sorry to break this to you Sir Thomas, but the things people call ‘hot dogs’ or ‘wieners’ are not the same as wiener dogs. My understanding is that they are some kind of meat-like substance. I don’t even think the humans really know what they are made out of, but I am 100% certain they are not made out of wiener dogs.” As I finished speaking Thomas looked crestfallen.

Thomas disappointed

Thomas was disappointed that “wieners” didn’t mean “wiener dogs”.

After sitting for a few moments with his head down, Thomas suddenly perked up. He said, “Hey! Do you think the Guardians might let me try one of these grilled, meat-like thingies?” I replied, “No Thomas. The Guardians don’t even eat those things.” Thomas said, “Oh…”, and then he got up and headed back inside. As he left, I heard him mumble, “Why have a grill if you are not going to roast wieners?”

So Sayeth Brother Oliver

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Brother Oliver Walked Right Into Their Trap

People and fur people who are Disciples of The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas.

Brother Oliver fell right into their trap. He told me the whole story afterward, and it was clear that he still didn’t fully understand what had happened. Brother Oliver said, “I walked into the living room and noticed this weird, shiny, puffy piece of plastic. As you can imagine, I became curious… I mean, I am a cat after all. Anyway, I walked over to check it out. Something didn’t seem quite right though, so I looked nervously around the room before I took a closer look at the plastic.”

Oliver with bubblewrap 4

Brother Oliver was curious, obviously, but wary as well.

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Whiskered Gallantry #10- Profile Of The Knight

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

In my ongoing effort to get Thomas’s mind off of wiener dogs and, in case Thomas is the one moving it around, my ongoing effort to make that creepy minion stop appearing in weird places, I decided to try another distraction. My last little ruse didn’t really work as planned, but I knew this time I would be successful.

Even though he sometimes pretends that the photo sessions are a big hassle, Sir Thomas has always been fully onboard with my “Whiskered Gallantry” photo series. This morning, when I told him I had an idea for the next installment in the series, he said, “Well, I did have a lot planned for this morning, but I guess I could do that… you know… for art.” But I could see the excitement in his eyes. As usual, he was an excellent photo subject, and I was able to realize my creative vision. I give you Whiskered Gallantry #10- Profile of the Knight!

WG-10-Profile of the Knight

Whiskered Gallantry #10- Profile of the Knight

While I was definitely able to realize my creative vision, I was less successful at meeting my goal of getting Thomas’s mind off wiener dogs for. Immediately before he struck the pose above, he said, “I’m imagining my gaze is piercing right through the very soul of commander of a massive wiener assault force. He cannot withstand the gaze. His courage collapses. He barks the retreat, and the whole wiener army retreats on their comically stubby legs!”

Oh well… at least I got the picture.

So Sayeth Brother Oliver

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Thomas’s New Tactics

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here.

I walked into the living room this morning to find Thomas laying on his back with his belly up in the air. It looked like he was doing his power nap/belly fur drying technique again.

Thomas playing decoy

It looked like Thomas was napping while drying his fur again.

I decided to head over to the cat tree in the window so I could stand guard duty while Thomas was napping, but as I passed Thomas his eyes suddenly snapped open. He shouted, “I have you now, wiener! Oh…hi Brother Henry.”

Thomas playing decoy eyes open

Thomas’s eyes snapped open and he shouted, “I have you now, wiener!”

I asked Thomas what he was doing and he said, “Well, I’ve been patrolling the house all week waiting for the wiener attack I know is coming, but no wiener dogs have appeared. I decided to switch tactics and pretend to lower my guard. I figured if the wieners thought I was vulnerable they would move in for the kill, and when they did I would totally massacre them…ummmm… in a chivalrous, knightly manner of course.”

I stared at Thomas for a full thirty seconds, and then, not knowing what else to say, I simply said, “Carry on.” I then left the room, deciding I would sit sentry duty in the back window instead. After all, I didn’t want to spoil Thomas’s grand new plan.

So Says Brother Henry

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