The Mewclear Option

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here.

As you may be aware, last week Thomas discovered evidence that led us to believe that agents of the Long-feared Dog Uprising were working on a pawtomic weapon delivery device. I had no choice but to take us to DEFCAT-2, and I tasked Thomas with researching a weapon that might help us counter the pawtomic threat. Yesterday he called Brother Oliver and I into the living room to give us a report on his progress. When we arrived, we found Thomas standing by a strange container that contained a shiny rock being held under a glass dome by a metal stand. As we entered the room, Sir Thomas said, “Welcome Brothers. I think I have discovered the key to our defense.”

Thomas was standing in the living room with a strange container containing a shiny rock.

Brother Oliver and I approached the strange container and I took a closer look at the rock. It was sparkly and a little bit mesmerizing.

The rock was sparkly. I couldn’t stop looking at it.

I asked Brother Oliver what he thought of the rock and he said, “That’s not a rock, Brother Henry. It looks like a crystal. See how it’s clear and kind of smooth on the sides?

Brother Oliver said the shiny rock was a crystal.

At this point Sir Thomas interrupted saying, “Yes! Exactly! A crystal! This is the key to creating a weapon that will deter those dastardly wiener dogs!”

Thomas seemed to think this crystal was the key to our defense.

I asked Sir Thomas how this crystal could help us and he started to tell a very strange story. He said, “Do you guys remember that documentary the Guardians used to watch? I think it was called ‘Star Truck’…” Brother Oliver started to say that he was pretty sure that wasn’t the name of the show but Thomas ignored him and continued, “…yeah, so on Star Truck there were these people that used to drive this big truck all around space delivering… hmmm… I am not sure what they were delivering but I do know they had cargo bays for something… Anyway, these star truckers had one rule, and that was that they should never get in anyone else’s business. For some reason though, all they ever did was drive around space getting into everyone else’s business…”

Brother Oliver interrupted Thomas saying, “Hey kid, does this story have a point? Because so far I’m not really getting how this relates to the crystal and how the crystal can help us.”

Brother Oliver was growing impatient and wanted to know how the crystal could help us.

A little annoyed with Oliver’s impatience, Thomas said, “I am getting there, Brother Oliver! In the meantime, while I am getting there, how about you and Brother Henry help me figure out how to get the crystal out of this thing.” A little sheepishly Brother Oliver said, “OK Thomas. We’ll help. Maybe if we can figure out how to tip this over from the base we will be able to break the glass and get the crystal. Ok everyone, look closely at the base and see if you see any weaknesses. Thomas, please continue.” We all started examining the base of the object as Thomas resumed his story.

As Thomas continued, we all started looking at the base of the container to see if we could tip it.

As we inspected the base Sir Thomas said, “OK, as I was saying, the people in the Star Truck were always driving around space breaking the only rule they had. But in order to get around in space they had this special fuel for their truck called ‘die-lithium’. It was a crystal that they kept inside some sort of containment field. When I saw this crystal was in a containment field I thought that it must be a die-lithium crystal! The reason this is exciting is because, according to what I saw on the documentary, die-lithium crystals become very unstable when they lose their containment field. If we can harness their power the wiener dogs won’t stand a chance!”

At this point Brother Oliver paused. He looked over at Sir Thomas and asked, “Wait, what do you mean the crystals become ‘unstable’. What happens when they lose their containment field?”

Brother Oliver paused to ask what Sir Thomas meant.

Still looking for a way to tip the crystal container over, Sir Thomas replied, “When they lose their containment field they blow up! It’s a HUGE explosion, bigger than a mewclear bomb! Now do you see why I am so excited! The wiener dogs will not dare to attack us when they hear of our mewclear deterrent… wait, where are you guys going?” Brother Oliver and I quickly retreated to try to reason with Sir Thomas from the opposite side of the room.

Brother Oliver said, “Thomas, I know you are excited, but take a minute and think about what you just said.” At first Thomas just stared at us with a puzzled look.

At first, Thomas didn’t understand what Brother Oliver was trying to tell him.

Suddenly, Thomas realized what he had said, and what we had just been doing. He bolted over to our side of the room and sat staring wide-eyed back at the crystal. He said, “Ummmm… soooooo… shall I come up with a different plan?” Almost before he finished his sentence Brother Oliver and I replied in unison, “Yes, come up with a different plan!”

So Says Brother Henry

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