Thomas’s New And Improved Wiener Defense Method

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here.

You may recall a while back Sir Thomas had us run a week of wiener dog readiness drills. During that week we were using the Super Outpost Tabby Tower as our assembly station whenever whenever Thomas yelled out “Wiener Dog!” Well, it seems that Thomas has done some more strategic thinking because he came to us this week and told us he had devised a revolutionary new defensive plan.

Sir T said, “I know the Tabby Tower was the key to my previous wiener defense plan, but I have been reviewing that plan and realized that it had a glaring flaw. What if the wieners cut off our pathway to the tower? What will we do then? I have come up with a plan to deal with that possibility. I call it ‘operation got your back’. If the wieners attack and cut off our path to the tower, we will all jump to the highest, nearby, accessible spot and assume a back to back defensive formation. We will present the wieners with an impenetrable wall of teeth and claws! Are you ready to try it? Alright. Let’s go! Wiener dog!”

At Thomas’s shout all three of us quickly scanned the area and noticed that the arm of the couch was the nearest, highest perch. We all quickly leapt up and assumed the formation Thomas had devised.

Henry, Oliver, Thomas in position

When Thomas shouted “wiener dog!” we all jumped up on the arm of the couch and assumed the defensive position.

Once we were on the couch, I noticed there was one glaring weakness in Thomas’s suggested defensive position. I said, “Ummm… Thomas? With the three of us in this position it seems like we can handle attacks from the south, east, and west, but what if the attack comes from the north? Don’t we need a fourth cat to cover the fourth direction?” Sir T replied, “Nope, because Brother Oliver is going to do that. I forgot to mention that Brother Oliver will be in scan mode, turning his head rapidly from left to right to cover attacks from both the east and north! Give it a try Brother O!”

Henry, Oliver, Thomas in defensive position.

Sir Thomas said that Brother Oliver would be swiveling his head to cover two directions. Brother Oliver gave it a try.

As Brother Oliver swiveled his head back and forth he said, “Sir T? I kind of feel like if I turn my head back and forth, a wiener dog will just lunge in and attack me as soon as I am looking away from him.” Sir Thomas replied, “Yep. That will probably happen.” Brother Oliver said, “Ummmm… but if this is a defensive position isn’t it supposed to keep me from getting attacked?” Sir Thomas replied, “Well… sort of. See, once a wiener attacks you the others will follow. That will allow Brother Henry and me to run away quickly and find the Guardians so they can come help you. It’s the perfect plan.” Brother Oliver said, “Sooooo… in this new plan… I’m the bait again?” Sir Thomas replied, “Bait? No. No way. That is not what I would call you. I would call you the key to plan’s success!”

Upon hearing that Brother Oliver jumped down. As he walked out of the room he said, “Go back to the drawing board Sir T…” at which point Sir Thomas turned to me and said, “How would you feel about covering attacks from the north and east Brother H?” I replied, “I think you better worry more about attacks from the south.”, and then I whacked Thomas on the bum with my paw.

So Says Brother Henry

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Filed under Daily Life

5 responses to “Thomas’s New And Improved Wiener Defense Method

  1. Yup, gotta agree with Brother Henry, back to the drawing board

  2. gotta watch out for those sneaking brothers and their “plans” 🙂

  3. Have a super weekend!

    Noodle and crew

  4. Brother Henry, the obvious solution is a fourth cat. I’ll be glad to send the Guardians my darling Luna, whose fur recently clogged up my laptop’s fan and cost me $80 for repairs, plus 2 1/2 weeks without a computer. Also — OUCH! Luna, I was just joking. Please remove your teeth from my arm and get your tail off the keyboard.

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