Disciples of The Leader Otis,
Brother Henry here.
This morning I walked into the living room and discovered something that puzzled me. The Guardians had placed three wooden boxes on top of one of my favorite beds, and the boxes said “Wren and Chickadee House” on them.
I was very puzzled by these boxes. Were the Guardians providing subsidized, or maybe even no-cost housing for crunchy little songbirds? What the fur was going on?
As I sat there trying to think of an explanation for the boxes, I suddenly realized that I hadn’t checked to see if any fluffy little freeloaders had already moved in! I quickly inspected the box closest to me to see if it contained any crunchy birds that I could “welcome to the neighborhood.”
As I was investigating the boxes closely, I heard Thomas’s voice say, “Hey Brother H, what are you doing? Wait, what are those!?”
I informed Sir Thomas that the Guardians appeared to be providing some sort of housing service for homeless birds. I also told him that I was checking to see if any birds had already moved in to the new houses. Upon hearing this, Sir Thomas began to involuntarily lick his lips. He looked toward the window and said, “Wait… birds are only outside, right? How would they have gotten in here to use these boxes?”
I said, “I don’t know, Thomas, but if one did, do you want to risk letting it get away by wasting time asking questions?” Sir Thomas immediately replied, “NO!”, and then quickly began to inspect the boxes with me.
After sniffing one of the boxes a few times, Sir Thomas said, “Definitely no birds…” and then wandered over to the snack bowl to crunch some consolation kibble instead of a bird. I wasn’t ready to give up just yet, so I continued to investigate the boxes. As I did so, I heard Brother Oliver’s voice behind me say, “Wow! That kid sure looks hungry! Look at how enthusiastic he is about crunching that kibble!”
I said, “Well, Sir Thomas’s appetite was worked up by the thought of crunching a bird or two that we had hoped to find in these boxes the Guardians left here. The boxes appear to be empty though…” As I spoke, I realized my appetite had been riled as well. Now licking my lips I said, “I better go get some of that kibble for myself before Thomas eats it all!” Brother Oliver said, “Hmmmm… I don’t think you need to hurry. Thomas ate too fast and now he’s over there horking it all up on the carpet. The Guardians are going to be so excited when they find it!”
As I headed toward the food bowl, taking care not to bump into Thomas who was busy trying to cover up his hork, I called back over my shoulder, “Brother Oliver! Thomas and I were both confused by those boxes. They say that they are houses for birds, but we can’t figure out why the Guardians would buy such a thing. Might they have some other purpose? Your The Brains of this Cult, so I’m sure that if there is anyone that can figure it out, it’s you!”
I wasn’t really sure if Brother Oliver would be able to figure it out, but I was hoping the flattery would cause him to at least try. That way I would be able to eat my fill of the kibble while he was puzzling over the boxes. Thomas had eaten (and barfed) a surprising amount, so there was really only enough food left for one kitty. Fortunately, Brother Oliver took the bait and immediately focused on the mystery before him. At the same time, I focused on stuffing my face.
So Says Brother Henry
Next- Homeless Birds Part II: The Guardians Are Geniuses!