This Year’s Puzzling Catsmas Gift: Part III

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

When we last left off, Brother Henry had claimed that the weird bench was in fact, “The Bench of Infinite Mouse Slaying”. Sir Thomas said that he had a different idea and asked Brother Henry to step aside. Brother Henry did so and Sir Thomas took up position on top of the bench. As he did so he said, “Ah-ha! Just as I suspected. You guys, when I sit up here I am raised quite a distance off the floor. I can see much farther than I could from the ground, I mean, at least several inches farther if not more.”

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Sir Thomas said that he could see several inches farther from the top of the bench.

Sir Thomas continued saying, “And look, if I turn my head I can see farther in this direction as well! I can see several inches farther in every direction!”

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Sir Thomas said he could see several inches farther in every direction.

Now getting more excited, Sir Thomas said, “I can think of only one reason why you would need to see farther in every direction!” At this point Brother Henry leaned over to me and said, “He’s going to say something about wiener dogs…” And then Thomas said, “To help you spot wiener dogs before they attack!” Brother Henry smiled at me but I ignored him. I said, “But Thomas, how can you be sure that is what the bench is for?”, and Thomas replied, “Brother Oliver, come sit next to the bench and I will show you.” I complied and Sir Thomas whacked me on the back.

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Sir Thomas thought the bench was about wiener dog defense. He asked me to sit next to it and he whacked me on the back.

I said, “Owwww! What was that for, Sir Thomas?” Thomas replied, “When you are sitting down, you are about the same height as the average wiener dog. Not only does this bench allow me to see for several more inches in every direction, it is also just the right height to keep me out of reach of attacking wiener dogs on account of their hilariously stubby legs!” Thomas then stood up and looked off into the distance as he said, “This is ‘The Bench of Infinite Wiener Vigilance’!”

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Sir Thomas declared that the bench was “The Bench of Infinite Wiener Vigilance”.

As Sir Thomas made his declaration, I was inspecting the bench further. Just as I started to say, “But shouldn’t it be made out of something sturdier than cardboard to provide security against wiener dogs?” Sir Thomas turned and whacked me on the head shouting, “DIE WIENER DIE!”

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As I was questioning Sir Thomas’s assessment of the bench, he turned and whacked me on the head.

While Thomas still had his paw raised I heaved my weight into him and knocked him off the bench. He retreated a short distance away and said, “Brother Oliver, a wiener dog would not have had long enough legs to do that.” I said, “I know, Sir Thomas, but I needed you out of the way so I could take a closer look at this thing and settle this argument once and for all. Now let me see…” I began to investigate the bench thoroughly while Thomas and Brother Henry watched.

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I knocked Sir Thomas off the bench and I was finally able to inspect it in peace.

After a few minutes of close inspection, and some time spent pondering what both Brother Henry and Sir Thomas had said, an idea came to me. Perhaps they were both right. I had finally realized what this object really was!

So Sayeth Brother Oliver

Next- This Year’s Puzzling Catsmas Gift: Part IV

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Filed under Daily Life

4 responses to “This Year’s Puzzling Catsmas Gift: Part III

  1. I think we all suspected that Thomas would find a wiener-related purpose for the bench of seemingly infinite uses. Can’t wait to learn how Brother Oliver manages to tie these theories together.

  2. sandy921

    Sir Thomas – you look so noble making your declaration (plus I believe that the winter’s cold may have made you extra fluffy)!

  3. Sir Thomass iss ‘Purrince’ Siddhartha here an mee finkss yur a pawsum Knite an mee admiress you ALLOTT! Mee iss just a wee kitten…..well 6 monthss old now an mee hass lotss to leern bout Life. mee will leern lotss frum all of youss.
    Brotherss Henry an Oliver yur berry clever too…so much to leern…so so much….
    Sinseerlee ‘Purrince’ Siddhartha x0x0

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