Disciples of Otis,
Brother Oliver here.
On Thanksgiving the Guardians left in the morning with a big box of food. I’m not sure where they went. I think they were probably going to see other Guardians so they could all discuss how all kitties should be given more chicken treats but I’m not sure about that. Anyway, shortly after the Guardians left, I heard Thomas say, “Darn it!” from the living room. I entered the room to find him sitting next to a brightly colored box. He did not look happy.
I approached the box and took a look at it. I said, “I don’t know why you are so upset Thomas. This is a Turkey!” Thomas replied, “Ummmm… no, Brother Oliver, it’s not. Remember when you were thinking about starting that ‘Cooking With Kitties‘ show? This is the same thing you had then. It’s not a turkey, it’s a ‘Turk’y’, and who knows what that might be…”
I looked at the box again and then got very excited. I said, “Thomas! I know it says ‘Turk’y’, but it also says it’s a ‘Quorn roast’. A roast is meat, right? And a Quorn must be some kind of animal that tastes a little like turkey but not quite. That’s probably while they call it ‘Turk’y’!”. Now showing obvious excitement, Sir Thomas came over to examine the box saying, “Really!? Do you think so!?”.
After looking at the box again Thomas walked a few steps away and began to think aloud. He said, “Hmmmmm… a Quorn… I wonder what that animal looks like…”. Then, licking his lips, Thomas said, “… and I really wonder what that animal tastes like!”
Next Thomas said, “Quorn… Quorn… interesting name for an animal. I wonder if they are fast and hard to catch. I wonder exactly how you would catch one!” Just as Thomas finished his sentence, Brother Henry walked by. Without missing a step Brother Henry said, “They’re not that hard to catch, but first you have to Quorner them.”
Recovering from the horrible pun I called after Brother Henry saying, “Very funny Brother H, but we’re asking serious questions here. We’re trying to figure out if this thing in the box is a delicious meaty treat that we can all enjoy!” From the kitchen I heard Brother Henry say, “Well, if you take a closer look at the box, you’ll see that it says ‘meatless’ right on it. That doesn’t sound very enjoyable to me.”
Feeling slightly embarrassed I said to Thomas, “Well… he’s lucky it didn’t turn out to be something delicious because I’m not sure I would have wanted to share it with him after that pun…”, to which Sir Thomas replied, “Yeah… I agree. It was kind of Quorny.” He then started laughing at his own joke. Mustering as much dignity as I could manage, I said, “Sir Thomas, I think we’re done here.” And then I quickly left the room before my ears could be pun-ished any further.
So Sayeth Brother Oliver