Our Disappointing Thanksgiving Discovery

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

On Thanksgiving the Guardians left in the morning with a big box of food. I’m not sure where they went. I think they were probably going to see other Guardians so they could all discuss how all kitties should be given more chicken treats but I’m not sure about that. Anyway, shortly after the Guardians left, I heard Thomas say, “Darn it!” from the living room. I entered the room to find him sitting next to a brightly colored box. He did not look happy.

Quorn mystery 1

I heard Sir Thomas say, “Darn it!”, and I entered the living room to find him sitting next to a brightly colored box.

I approached the box and took a look at it. I said, “I don’t know why you are so upset Thomas. This is a Turkey!” Thomas replied, “Ummmm… no, Brother Oliver, it’s not. Remember when you were thinking about starting that ‘Cooking With Kitties‘ show? This is the same thing you had then. It’s not a turkey, it’s a ‘Turk’y’, and who knows what that might be…”

I looked at the box again and then got very excited. I said, “Thomas! I know it says ‘Turk’y’, but it also says it’s a ‘Quorn roast’. A roast is meat, right? And a Quorn must be some kind of animal that tastes a little like turkey but not quite. That’s probably while they call it ‘Turk’y’!”. Now showing obvious excitement, Sir Thomas came over to examine the box saying, “Really!? Do you think so!?”.

Quorn mystery 2

When I pointed out that a “Quorn” might be some other kind of meat, Sir Thomas’s curiosity was piqued.

After looking at the box again Thomas walked a few steps away and began to think aloud. He said, “Hmmmmm… a Quorn… I wonder what that animal looks like…”. Then, licking his lips, Thomas said, “… and I really wonder what that animal tastes like!”

Quorn mystery 3

Sir Thomas wondered what a Quorn looks like and how it tastes.

Next Thomas said, “Quorn… Quorn… interesting name for an animal. I wonder if they are fast and hard to catch. I wonder exactly how you would catch one!” Just as Thomas finished his sentence, Brother Henry walked by. Without missing a step Brother Henry said, “They’re not that hard to catch, but first you have to Quorner them.”

Quorn mystery 4

Brother Henry walked by and dropped a horrible pun bomb on us.

Recovering from the horrible pun I called after Brother Henry saying, “Very funny Brother H, but we’re asking serious questions here. We’re trying to figure out if this thing in the box is a delicious meaty treat that we can all enjoy!” From the kitchen I heard Brother Henry say, “Well, if you take a closer look at the box, you’ll see that it says ‘meatless’ right on it. That doesn’t sound very enjoyable to me.”

Quorn mystery 5

I was a little embarrassed when Brother Henry pointed out that what I needed to know was right on the box.

Feeling slightly embarrassed I said to Thomas, “Well… he’s lucky it didn’t turn out to be something delicious because I’m not sure I would have wanted to share it with him after that pun…”, to which Sir Thomas replied, “Yeah… I agree. It was kind of Quorny.” He then started laughing at his own joke. Mustering as much dignity as I could manage, I said, “Sir Thomas, I think we’re done here.” And then I quickly left the room before my ears could be pun-ished any further.

So Sayeth Brother Oliver

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Filed under Daily Life

12 responses to “Our Disappointing Thanksgiving Discovery

  1. smseattle

    I am a vegetarian but I have yet to try Quorn. I find its antecedents a little suspicious. I’m willing to be educated about that, but until I am I will stick to the stuff that I know for sure what it is. And belay those puns! All your readers are throwing you the stink-eye! At least I am.

  2. Lindsay Gower

    Read the Quorn box again, Brother Oliver, and you will see that it’s made from fungi. So if you eat it, you’ll be a …..oh, I can’t pun-ish you further!

  3. My dad loved corny puns. Brother Oliver. One of his favorites was “honeymoon salad”: “lettuce alone without dressing.” Which may not mean much to you, since you kitties are dressed only in your splendid fur. And lettuce probably appeals to you even less than Quorn.

  4. The stuff in the box sounds awful. But once the box is empty it would be fun to play with.

  5. I’m for playing with the box too! Sounds like the best part…
    Noodle and crew

  6. Hope you had good snacks and treats when your people returned. And hope you got the box too.

  7. msphoebecat

    Oh noes- not FAKE turkey! Clove who is a turkey connasieur and catburglar says you boys need to teach the Guardians a lesson: leave them a nice ‘gift’ where they least expect it (ie: the just washed quilt on the bed), the slice of Canadian Bacon and Pineapple pizza with the Canadian Bacon lovingly removed and replaced with cat fur that is left on their plate after they return from the human litter box, the loose threads hanging from the fabric on the back of Grandma’s newly reupholstered arm chair, the tipped over litter box with its just used litter scattered all over the bedroom floor… I think you get the idea and let me tell you these tactics DO work, as Clove has been ever so thoughtful to enact all of them for my benefit at one time or another. It gets my attention and I get the message CLEARLY! 😻

  8. This is becoming the kitty version of Kimmel’s “Sorry kids, I ate your Halloween candy.” game.

  9. You should do what June Buggie does. He eats it real fast, then pukes in a conspicuous place for Jen to find.

  10. Oh Brother Oliver for a while I thought it really might be some new kind of Turkey…but a meatless turkey that is Quorny?? **sighs**
    It is not on is it??
    Give me REAL turkey or give me……give me….chicken at least 😉
    Love to all of you (even punny Brother Henry) from Sherri-Ellen x0x0x0

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