We Have Created A Monster

Disciples of The Leader Otis,

Brother Henry here.

Ummmm… well, Brother Oliver and I finally came to our senses and decided that the wiener dog threat really must be a figment of Thomas’s imagination. Brother Oliver thinks Thomas’s obsession is fueled by too much access to both catnip and the internet. I’m inclined to agree. Anyway, we have a new problem now, and this new problem has really put Brother Oliver and I on edge. In fact, we spent the entire morning sitting on the folding table in the living room. The table provided us with an elevated vantage point to survey our surroundings, and its placement in the middle of the room made it harder for anyone to sneak up on us.

Henry and Oliver paranoid 1

We spent all morning on the folding table. We were on edge.

Now, we weren’t on edge because we feared an imminent attack by wiener dogs. In fact, we weren’t fearing an attack by any kind of dog. What we were fearing was to hear the shouted words, “Die wiener, die!”, followed by the sting of Sir Thomas’s claws digging into our backsides. Even though neither Brother Oliver nor I had agreed to play Wiener Slayer with Thomas, the kid had decided that it was game on anyway. He also must have decided that it was game on all the time because he had been ambushing us for three straight days! Brother Oliver and I had retreated to the table to give our bums a rest, but our heads still quickly swiveled whenever we heard even the faintest suspicious sound.

Henry and Oliver paranoid 2

Our heads swiveled in unison whenever we heard the faintest suspicious sound.

At one point Brother Oliver said, “We haven’t seen or heard any sign of Sir Thomas for nearly four hours. Do you think it might be safe to get down, Brother Henry?”

Henry and Oliver paranoid 3

Brother Oliver asked if I thought it might be safe to get down.

I replied by saying, “It might be safe to get down, Brother Oliver, but my sore booty is telling me that I might want to wait a bit longer. Do you really want to risk feeling the sting of the Wiener Slayer?” At that point, Brother Oliver broke down a little bit. He said, “I’m so hungry Brother Henry! And I really need to pee too! Even though it helped us uncover Thomas’s secret, I wish I had never invented that game!”

Henry and Oliver paranoid 4

Brother Oliver broke down a little. He said he wished he would not have invented Wiener Slayer.

Suddenly, we heard a noise coming from the kitchen. Our heads snapped in that direction.

Henry and Oliver paranoid 5

We heard a noise coming from the kitchen.

Next, we heard a voice nearby say, “Hey guys! What’s up!”, and we immediately looked down to find the source.

Henry and Oliver paranoid 6

We heard a voice and looked down to see who was speaking.

We saw Thomas. He was peeking around the scratching post that the Guardians like to rest their feet on.

Thomas checking in

It was Thomas. He was peeking around the scratching post that the Guardians rest their feet on.

Thomas continued speaking. He said, “I just wanted to let you guys know that I finished my nap, so I am totally up for more Wiener Slayer now! You two start counting and I will go hide!” He then ran out of the room. Brother Oliver and I sat silently for several moments.

Henry and Oliver paranoid 7

Brother Oliver and I sat silently for a little while as we absorbed what had just happened.

Finally, Brother Oliver said, “Soooooo… while we’ve been sitting up here… he was taking a nap.” I replied, “Yep.” Brother Oliver then said, “Any chance you would be willing to go distract him while I make a run for the litter box?” I replied, “Nope.” Gathering his courage, Brother Oliver said, “All right then. I can’t hold this any longer. Wish me luck…” He then jumped down and headed off in the direction of the litter box. All was silent for several seconds, and then I heard Thomas from somewhere toward the back of the house shout, “Die wiener, die! Wait! Ewwwwww! Brother Oliver! It’s ‘Wiener Slayer’, not ‘Wiener Sprayer!’ I think I am done playing. I need to go take a bath.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I jumped down to the floor to take my own, now far less perilous, trip to the litter box.

So Says Brother Henry

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Filed under Daily Life

11 responses to “We Have Created A Monster

  1. rhiannonpaine

    Well, I’m sorry they had to spend all morning on the folding table, but what wonderful photos of the Brothers. Now I hope that a spray a day will keep Sir Thomas away.

  2. Cool website. By the way, the dachshund is called Aramis. I love my dog. I miss my cat…

  3. MOL! Poor Thomas…he needs to lay offa the nip…

  4. A dose of “reality” should hopefully give you boys a break. You are very handsome together!

    • mistletoeandhitch

      Well is seems that Brother Oliver has begun the campaign for peace. It sounds like he managed to get Sir Thomas’s attention during the spread of the “PEE”, now he needs to figure out the best way to spread the “ACE”. We are sure the “Brains” of the Cult of Otis will think of something, soon. After all, his posterior demands it.

  5. Ferst let me say Brotherz Olvier n Henry yer side by side pix are stunnin n ya both are bery hansum mankattz.
    Seckond Sir Thomas mite have gone over da edge a bit….me finkz me haz a solushun. Can ya get da Guardeeanz to go to a Pet supply store or wally Werld n buy Sir Thomas a couple of stuffed weiner poochiez what he can slay when he wantz??? Dey cuud bee hidden of left out where Sir Thomas iz shure to see dem n dey will die-vert hiz attenshun n keep her tushiez safe frum further ass-salt…
    Pleeze bee carefull n keep vigilantte…
    Yer furendz Nylablue n Sherriellen Mum 🙂 🙂

  6. Love the photos of the brothers together. You boys are two very handsome beefcakes. 🙂

  7. msphoebecat

    MEWHAHAHA! Hopefully Sir Thomas will cut back on the Weiner Slayer game unless he wants it to turn to Weiner Sprayer!!
    I have to agree with everyone- you mancats are stunning bachelors. 💙💙

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