Disciples of The Leader Otis,
Brother Henry here.
Ummmm… well, Brother Oliver and I finally came to our senses and decided that the wiener dog threat really must be a figment of Thomas’s imagination. Brother Oliver thinks Thomas’s obsession is fueled by too much access to both catnip and the internet. I’m inclined to agree. Anyway, we have a new problem now, and this new problem has really put Brother Oliver and I on edge. In fact, we spent the entire morning sitting on the folding table in the living room. The table provided us with an elevated vantage point to survey our surroundings, and its placement in the middle of the room made it harder for anyone to sneak up on us.
Now, we weren’t on edge because we feared an imminent attack by wiener dogs. In fact, we weren’t fearing an attack by any kind of dog. What we were fearing was to hear the shouted words, “Die wiener, die!”, followed by the sting of Sir Thomas’s claws digging into our backsides. Even though neither Brother Oliver nor I had agreed to play Wiener Slayer with Thomas, the kid had decided that it was game on anyway. He also must have decided that it was game on all the time because he had been ambushing us for three straight days! Brother Oliver and I had retreated to the table to give our bums a rest, but our heads still quickly swiveled whenever we heard even the faintest suspicious sound.
At one point Brother Oliver said, “We haven’t seen or heard any sign of Sir Thomas for nearly four hours. Do you think it might be safe to get down, Brother Henry?”
I replied by saying, “It might be safe to get down, Brother Oliver, but my sore booty is telling me that I might want to wait a bit longer. Do you really want to risk feeling the sting of the Wiener Slayer?” At that point, Brother Oliver broke down a little bit. He said, “I’m so hungry Brother Henry! And I really need to pee too! Even though it helped us uncover Thomas’s secret, I wish I had never invented that game!”
Suddenly, we heard a noise coming from the kitchen. Our heads snapped in that direction.
Next, we heard a voice nearby say, “Hey guys! What’s up!”, and we immediately looked down to find the source.
We saw Thomas. He was peeking around the scratching post that the Guardians like to rest their feet on.
Thomas continued speaking. He said, “I just wanted to let you guys know that I finished my nap, so I am totally up for more Wiener Slayer now! You two start counting and I will go hide!” He then ran out of the room. Brother Oliver and I sat silently for several moments.
Finally, Brother Oliver said, “Soooooo… while we’ve been sitting up here… he was taking a nap.” I replied, “Yep.” Brother Oliver then said, “Any chance you would be willing to go distract him while I make a run for the litter box?” I replied, “Nope.” Gathering his courage, Brother Oliver said, “All right then. I can’t hold this any longer. Wish me luck…” He then jumped down and headed off in the direction of the litter box. All was silent for several seconds, and then I heard Thomas from somewhere toward the back of the house shout, “Die wiener, die! Wait! Ewwwwww! Brother Oliver! It’s ‘Wiener Slayer’, not ‘Wiener Sprayer!’ I think I am done playing. I need to go take a bath.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I jumped down to the floor to take my own, now far less perilous, trip to the litter box.
So Says Brother Henry