People and fur people who are Disciples of The Leader Otis,
This morning, as I was standing watch in The Outdoor Domain, Brother Oliver came outside and joined me. After sitting silently for a moment he said, “Sir Thomas… despite my dislike of your strategic plan, last week’s Wiener Dog Readiness Drills really got me thinking. Do you really believe a wiener dog attack is imminent, or is this all just some silly game you are playing?”
I assured Brother Oliver that I would never joke about something as serious as a wiener attack, and that this was definitely no game. I also told him that I have collected an enormous amount of evidence that proves the wiener dog threat is very real. Brother Oliver turned to me and said, “Seriously? You’ve collected actual evidence that wieners are planning something? How did you collect it? And from where?” I replied, “That information is classified, Brother Oliver. I may have already told you too much.”
Brother Oliver said, “All right Thomas… if you say so… but you can understand why I might be a little skeptical, right? I mean, don’t you think Brother Henry, The Muscle of The Cult of Otis, and I, The Brains, would be aware if there were some great wiener dog conspir…” I cut Brother Oliver off there saying, “SHHHHH! Brother Oliver! Did you hear that?” He looked in the direction I was looking and asked, “Hear what?” I replied, “I thought I heard something that sounded a little ‘wienery’…”
Brother Oliver sighed, and then he got up and headed back inside the house. As he left he said, “I just don’t know how we’re going to get through to you, Thomas.” I watched him go, wishing I could figure out how to remove the blinders from his and Brother Henry’s eyes.
So, for now, I guess I really am the only thing standing between The Cult of Otis and the wiener horde. Someday I will find a way to make them see the danger that is right in front of their whiskers. I only hope I can do so before we all find ourselves trampled under thousands of tiny feet attached to hilariously stubby legs.