Disciples of Otis,
Brother Oliver here.
Sorry for the lack of updates this past week, but Thomas has been making us run Wiener Dog Readiness Drills. Basically, he waits until he thinks Brother Henry and I have let our guard down, and then he suddenly yells, “Wiener dog!”, and we all have to run to Super Outpost Tabby Tower as fast as we can go. From there we assume a defensive formation and wait for the imminent attack.
During the first couple drills it just so happened that Brother Henry and Sir Thomas were closer to the outpost than I was, so they ended up getting to the upper platforms faster, but during one drill I made it to the top first. When Brother Henry and Thomas Arrived, Thomas insisted that I take up position on the lower level as I had done in previous drills.
I did as instructed, but then I asked him why I had to be on the bottom. Thomas said, “Because, Brother Oliver, if the wiener dogs do attack we will need a strong counterattack. I know you are a trained security agent, but Brother Henry is The Muscle of The Cult, and I am the first knight. When the hilariously stubby-legged mongrel horde comes, the two of us should be in position to launch an attack from above. When I asked Sir Thomas what my job was he said, “You, Brother Oliver, will have the most important job of all. You will lure the wieners to within striking distance!”
I thought about that for a second and then said, “Soooo… I’m the bait?” Sir Thomas replied, “I prefer to call you the strategic wiener lure, but…” I cut him off saying, ” I’d like to go on record as being against this plan…”
After I objected to the plan, Brother Henry piped in saying, “Awwww, come on Brother O! Take one for the team! Besides, if a wiener dog does get ahold of you there is far too much of you for a single wiener to eat. They’re pretty small you know… and you’re kind of not.”
At that point I decided I was done participating in Wiener Dog Readiness Drills. I jumped down and headed toward the kitchen. As I left the room I heard Thomas say, “All right Brother H, looks like we go to plan B. Get on the lower platform.”, and I heard Brother Henry reply, “Not a chance, kid…”
So Sayeth Brother Oliver