A Week of WDRD

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

Sorry for the lack of updates this past week, but Thomas has been making us run Wiener Dog Readiness Drills. Basically, he waits until he thinks Brother Henry and I have let our guard down, and then he suddenly yells, “Wiener dog!”, and we all have to run to Super Outpost Tabby Tower as fast as we can go. From there we assume a defensive formation and wait for the imminent attack.

Wiener Dog Readiness 1

Thomas has had us running Wiener Dog Readiness Drills all week.

During the first couple drills it just so happened that Brother Henry and Sir Thomas were closer to the outpost than I was, so they ended up getting to the upper platforms faster, but during one drill I made it to the top first. When Brother Henry and Thomas Arrived, Thomas insisted that I take up position on the lower level as I had done in previous drills.

I did as instructed, but then I asked him why I had to be on the bottom. Thomas said, “Because, Brother Oliver, if the wiener dogs do attack we will need a strong counterattack. I know you are a trained security agent, but Brother Henry is The Muscle of The Cult, and I am the first knight. When the hilariously stubby-legged mongrel horde comes, the two of us should be in position to launch an attack from above. When I asked Sir Thomas what my job was he said, “You, Brother Oliver, will have the most important job of all. You will lure the wieners to within striking distance!”

I thought about that for a second and then said, “Soooo… I’m the bait?” Sir Thomas replied, “I prefer to call you the strategic wiener lure, but…” I cut him off saying, ” I’d like to go on record as being against this plan…”

Wiener Dog Readiness 2

Sir Thomas had a plan. It didn’t sound very good to me.

After I objected to the plan, Brother Henry piped in saying, “Awwww, come on Brother O! Take one for the team! Besides, if a wiener dog does get ahold of you there is far too much of you for a single wiener to eat. They’re pretty small you know… and you’re kind of not.”

At that point I decided I was done participating in Wiener Dog Readiness Drills. I jumped down and headed toward the kitchen. As I left the room I heard Thomas say, “All right Brother H, looks like we go to plan B. Get on the lower platform.”, and I heard Brother Henry reply, “Not a chance, kid…”

So Sayeth Brother Oliver

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Filed under Daily Life

12 responses to “A Week of WDRD

  1. Good strategy with the “strategic wiener lure”, but I would have to agree with Brother O.Mybe fastest wiener lure will work better?

  2. Love your store items 🙂

  3. Having lived with our personal barking cat until her passing last year, we consider ourselves very well versed in the ways of the canine. Therefore we would suggest that any of you, alone, will be able to freeze a lone wiener in it’s tracks and that the 3 of you,together, should be able to repel a small to medium sized horde by simply employing your natural reactions to said wieners. We only hope that there is someone on hand to photograph the wiener horde as it gallops away on it’s ridicules stubby legs.

  4. randomfelines

    Poor Sir Thomas….we wonder what would happen if he really saw a weinerdog?

  5. Minet

    Minet here.
    Having closely observed several specimen of the canine variety of several sizes and temperaments, We can attest that these animals are sensitive to domination and fearlessness. For your edification, We would refer you to the Cat who slapped a crocodile, the Cat who chased a bear up a tree and the Cat who saved its boy from a nasty cur. These fine felines succeeded through the stillness that raises the universe’s power through the paws, offensive action and fearlessness. Canines cower when faced with true greatness of character. Also, through Our extensive Studies, We have learned that wienerdogs are attracted to tunnels and squeaky rabbits. These weapons would make an exceptional strategic first defence line and are easily available through your Guardians for your military exercises.
    Mrrrr to you all.

  6. I feel any canine with a lick of sense will get one look at any of your feline ferociousness and will run for the hills with tail firmly tucked!!

  7. rhiannonpaine

    I agree with Kathy. No wiener dog would dare approach the scratching post — I mean, the Super Outpost Tabby Tower — with even one of you cats on it, let alone all three. You even kind of scare me, and I love kitties!

  8. Lindsay Gower

    Brother Oliver, have you considered taking a course in hypnosis? When those pesky WDs approach, you could mesmerize them in their tracks and make them do you bidding. But you’d have to practice a lot first…

  9. Brother Oliver ya will neber bee bait in me mind! maybee Sir thomas n Brother Henry need ya to bee brave ferst 😉 Maybe ya iz da courage of da group?? Ya just neber nose me furend.
    Ya all look so pawsum on yer Outpost tower….
    Yerz Nylablue & Mum too da weiner poochiez wuud run ’cause yer all so hansum n furoshuss lookin 😉

  10. Hee hee hee, I dont know, sounds like a good plan to me!

  11. Pingback: A Week of WDRD | Catgurl40's Blog

  12. Pingback: Thomas’s New And Improved Wiener Defense Method | The Blog of Otis

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