Roasted Wieners

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here.

This morning I was sitting out in our Outdoor Domain when Thomas came out and plopped himself down on the stairs. My back was too him because I was concentrating on some particularly crunchy looking birds on the roof of the house next door, but he kept making little remarks like, “Hmmmm… wow…. really?… No way…”, as if he was trying to get my attention. When the birds flew away, I finally looked back over my shoulder to see what he was up to. He was staring at the grill.

Oliver and Thomas in enclosure

Thomas was staring at the grill and repeatedly making little remarks as if he was amazed by it.

I said, “Sir Thomas? What are you going on about?”, and he said, “Brother Oliver! I was just in the house talking with Brother Henry, and he told me the most exciting thing! He said that he was watching TV with the Guardians and some people on the screen were roasting wiener dogs on a grill! I didn’t even know people knew about the wiener dog threat, let alone that they were taking such drastic measures to address it. Do you think the Guardians might roast some wieners on this grill?”

Thomas optimistic

Thomas was very excited by Brother Henry’s news.

After being silent for a moment, I said, “Ummm… Sir Thomas? Are you sure Brother Henry said they were roasting ‘wiener dogs’ on a grill?” Thomas replied, “Well, yeah! I mean… well… he said they were ‘hot dogs’ at first, but then he definitely said ‘wieners’, so I figured ‘hot dog’ was just a funny name for a wiener dog on a grill…” After another moment of silence I said, “Sorry to break this to you Sir Thomas, but the things people call ‘hot dogs’ or ‘wieners’ are not the same as wiener dogs. My understanding is that they are some kind of meat-like substance. I don’t even think the humans really know what they are made out of, but I am 100% certain they are not made out of wiener dogs.” As I finished speaking Thomas looked crestfallen.

Thomas disappointed

Thomas was disappointed that “wieners” didn’t mean “wiener dogs”.

After sitting for a few moments with his head down, Thomas suddenly perked up. He said, “Hey! Do you think the Guardians might let me try one of these grilled, meat-like thingies?” I replied, “No Thomas. The Guardians don’t even eat those things.” Thomas said, “Oh…”, and then he got up and headed back inside. As he left, I heard him mumble, “Why have a grill if you are not going to roast wieners?”

So Sayeth Brother Oliver

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Filed under Daily Life

10 responses to “Roasted Wieners

  1. catsinwindows

    The resident wiener dog is horrified! However, he is a big fan of hotdogs, grilled or otherwise.

  2. Just think though, if the LF(W)DU does happen, you can still count that grill as a weapon in your arsenal! Spread that rumor to the dog community and they’ll be shaking in their doggy boots, afraid to even venture close to your Dreaded Machine of Doggie Roasting!

  3. My oldest kitty will take a bite of a wiener now and then but never more than two. Other two won’t touch them. I know I probably shouldn’t but a good roasted hot dog really hits the spot occasionally! Don’t be sad Sir Thomas. You really wouldn’t be missing anything by never eating one.

  4. wiener dogs’ on a grill – typist just spat coffee across her keyboard!!

  5. LOL! 😀 Weiner dogs on the grill, hillarious!

  6. LOL! Weiner dogs…they would be hot dogs.,,


  7. sometimes mama has a chili dog but it’s hot and not a dog. people are weird.

  8. msphoebecat

    If you want to try a wiener Sir Thomas and the Guardians do not want to give you the mystery meat kind (I don’t blame them!), there are tofu or vegan wieners that look like the mystery kind, and with some good toppings and a bun can be quite tasty, better for your health, and do taste pretty close to the mystery meat kind.
    You are quite the funny fellow!

  9. Sir Thomas ya look compleetlee crestfallen….
    Me iz sowwy ya had to find out da truth..
    Do yer Hu’Manz grill fish or chickin on dat BarbieQ?? Now DAT wuud bee yummy 😉 Bettur den weiner dogz **shudderz**
    Yer furend Nylablue xx

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