Disciples of Otis,
Brother Oliver here.
This morning I was sitting out in our Outdoor Domain when Thomas came out and plopped himself down on the stairs. My back was too him because I was concentrating on some particularly crunchy looking birds on the roof of the house next door, but he kept making little remarks like, “Hmmmm… wow…. really?… No way…”, as if he was trying to get my attention. When the birds flew away, I finally looked back over my shoulder to see what he was up to. He was staring at the grill.
I said, “Sir Thomas? What are you going on about?”, and he said, “Brother Oliver! I was just in the house talking with Brother Henry, and he told me the most exciting thing! He said that he was watching TV with the Guardians and some people on the screen were roasting wiener dogs on a grill! I didn’t even know people knew about the wiener dog threat, let alone that they were taking such drastic measures to address it. Do you think the Guardians might roast some wieners on this grill?”
After being silent for a moment, I said, “Ummm… Sir Thomas? Are you sure Brother Henry said they were roasting ‘wiener dogs’ on a grill?” Thomas replied, “Well, yeah! I mean… well… he said they were ‘hot dogs’ at first, but then he definitely said ‘wieners’, so I figured ‘hot dog’ was just a funny name for a wiener dog on a grill…” After another moment of silence I said, “Sorry to break this to you Sir Thomas, but the things people call ‘hot dogs’ or ‘wieners’ are not the same as wiener dogs. My understanding is that they are some kind of meat-like substance. I don’t even think the humans really know what they are made out of, but I am 100% certain they are not made out of wiener dogs.” As I finished speaking Thomas looked crestfallen.
After sitting for a few moments with his head down, Thomas suddenly perked up. He said, “Hey! Do you think the Guardians might let me try one of these grilled, meat-like thingies?” I replied, “No Thomas. The Guardians don’t even eat those things.” Thomas said, “Oh…”, and then he got up and headed back inside. As he left, I heard him mumble, “Why have a grill if you are not going to roast wieners?”
So Sayeth Brother Oliver