Thomas Knew About the Wiener Dog

Disciples of Otis,

Brother Oliver here. After Brother Henry left to go find Thomas, I stayed behind to try to hide the wiener dog scratcher as I was asked. After several minutes passed though, I had to desert my post briefly to take care of some urgent business at the litter box. I’m ashamed to say I might have waited a little too long… Anyway when I returned to the living room I was shocked to find Thomas sitting on top of the wiener dog scratcher giving himself a bath!

Thomas bathing

Sir Thomas was sitting on top of the wiener dog scratcher. He was bathing!

Thomas looked over at me and said, “Oh, hi bluffa Offiffa. Ooops… sorry. Had my mouth full there. Hi Brother Oliver.” I quickly ran over and threw my shoulder into Thomas, knocking him off the scratcher. Well… actually… I tried to throw my shoulder into him to knock him off the scratcher. Being a trained knight, he simply jumped out of the way, evading my attack and causing me to come crashing down on the cardboard wiener dog. Annoyed, Sir Thomas said, “What the heck are you doing, Brother Oliver!? You almost broke my wiener dog simulator!”

Oliver, Thomas annoyed

Thomas got annoyed and said I had almost broken his wiener dog simulator.

I had knocked the wind out of myself, so it took me a moment to catch my breath before saying, “You’re wiener dog simulator? Sir Thomas, what are you talking about!?” Thomas told me to get out of the way so he could show me. He said, “Well, some day we are undoubtedly going to have to face the Mongrel Horde when the LF(W)DU comes to pass, and everyone knows that the dastardly wiener dogs are the most feared ground troops among the dogs, right?” I declined to answer, but Thomas continued, “Well, I’ve never actually faced a wiener in open battle, so this wiener dog simulator is helping me to prepare for that eventuality. Please observe.”

With that, Thomas dug his claws into the wiener dog scratcher right at the back of its simulated wiener dog head. He let out a blood curdling battle cry the likes of which I had not heard since our photo session a few months back.

Thomas, wiener bench battle cry

Thomas dug his claws into the simulated wiener dog and let out a blood curdling battle cry.

After his demonstration, Sir Thomas said, “So you see, by practicing on this simulated wiener dog for a few hours each day, I will be able to better protect Her Majesty the… I mean all of us… from eventual wiener attack.” Before I could reply, I heard Brother Henry behind me saying, “Keef yo frenfs clof, an yo emamees clofer…”

Oliver, Thomas, Henry chatting

Brother Henry had apparently reentered the room. He said something that was hard to understand.

Thomas said, “What was that, Brother Henry?”, and brother Henry Replied, “Oh, sorry about that. I stepped in something wet as I was coming back here to the living room to check in with Brother Oliver. I was trying to clean it off. It kind of smells like pee.” I declined to comment on what Brother Henry had just said.

Brother Henry continued, “So, as I was saying, Thomas, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. That seems like the philosophy you are following with the wiener dog simulator. Hmmmm… by the way, the Guardians don’t seem to know where that thing came from. Do you have any idea?” Thomas said, “Yes I do. I got on the computer and I ordered it from the jungle.” Puzzled I said, “The jungle? Which jungle?”, and Sir Thomas replied, “From the Amazon.”. Thomas then got up and began to leave, and I said, “Wait… but how did you pay for it?”, and he replied, “Let’s just say the Guardians should keep their kitties close, but their credit cards closer…” Before I even knew I was going to, I burst out laughing.

Oliver cracking up at Thomas

Thomas made me crack up.

So I guess the mystery of the cardboard wiener dog has been solved… at least for us kitties. I’m not sure the Guardians will ever figure out how it got charged on their credit card. Brother Henry and I have both agreed to keep Thomas’s secret safe. After all, it’s a matter of Cult security.

So Sayeth Oliver

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16 Comments

Filed under Daily Life

16 responses to “Thomas Knew About the Wiener Dog

  1. Gretchen Morris Coffey

    I love your blog and your beautiful kitties. Lucas and Emma send Thanksgiving wishes to the Cult and their guardians. 🐱🐱

    Sent from my iPad

    >

  2. At this point, I wouldn’t fancy a wiener dog’s chances against Thomas. And I’m a bit concerned about the Guardians’ credit card balance too.

  3. I can practically hear “heh heh heh” coming out of Thomas’ mouth in that second photo!

  4. Geez, I’m so partial to Thomas… Just love his spirit! 😀

  5. Ah I had a feeling it was something like that! Thomas is a very smart knight! I suspect that the WDS will be torn to shreds before too long. Perhaps the Guardians should hide their credit card before the knight needs a replacement..

  6. Susan M

    Thanks for the LOL! I needed it!

  7. wow – that was thinking ahead Thomas….good job!!!

  8. Chris

    And now that Thomas knows how to order from “the Jungle”, he might be convinced to order MORE stuff for you!!!

  9. MOL! This may be a very interesting Christmas shopping season for the Guardians! Just wait til they get the credit card statement!

  10. CindyD

    Always a pleasure to see what’s going on in your house. I hope the “Queen” is enjoying her first warm winter. Happy Holidays to you all.

  11. mistletoeandhitch

    We were sure that no canine, simulated or not, could get passed the security of the Cult of Otis. Thanks for allowing us a get a peak at Sir Thomas’s training on the WDS! Happy Thanksgiving!

  12. msphoebecat

    MEWHAHAHA! Mew mancats always keep me laughing with mewz actions- the ‘jungle’ indeed! How smart Sir Thomas is to prepare for a future invasion with a WDS, and the fact be ordered it himself from Amazon using the Guardians credit card info is genius. I am a firm believer that what is our Guardians is ours as well, being we are in charge of our homes. I have put to memory my Guardian’s credit card info and frequently order items that are necessities for we felines: treats, crates of Starkist Albacore Tuna in a POUCH, nip mice, barrels of fresh organic nip, frozen crab cakes, Yeoww nip toys, tickle pickles, and so on. When these items arrive and my Guardian is puzzled I just unpack the boxes and leave her to wonder. I’m not sure if she will ever figure it out, but if she does I will simply remind her who is in charge. I’ve trained her well enough to know that there is no questioning the Queen of our house.

  13. Oh well played Sir Thomas, well played. Keep the purchases small and spread out and the guardians may never notice. ;D

  14. MOL Brother Oliver diz iz a bery guud story!! Mum waz like ‘Brother Oliver missed da littur box?? Oh nose!!’ Poor Brother Henry he must have wundered how he got wet…
    WE applaudz ya Sir Thomas fer gettin da weiner dog simulatur…ya iz not only handsum n lubly ya iz so bery bery smart!!! Mum told me she NOT HAZ credit cardz n she sayz she hid da Deb-itt card so me not need to bother lookin fer it…. 😉
    We hopez trainin goez well tho’. We nose ya will purrtect Queen Momma Kat n da Brotherz n Guardianz Sir Thomas!!!
    Much Lub Nylablue n Sherriellen Mum (hidin da other Deb-itt card now)

  15. Oh, Thomas – it all makes sense. Such a relief

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