We all breathed a collective sigh of relief yesterday when the Guardians left for awhile and came back carrying Brother Henry in the portable kitty jail. He looked a bit out of it, but he apparently survived his ordeal at The Bad Place. Brother Oliver ran over to greet him as soon as the Guardians placed the kitty jail on the ground. Brother Henry said, “Brother Oliver! I am so happy to see you!” Brother Oliver said, “Brother Henry, you kind of smell like two or three different dogs and a handful of frightened cats! What the heck happened to you!?”
The Guardians opened the kitty jail and Brother Henry exited. They had placed a plate of freeze-dried chicken dust on a nearby plate. Brother Henry said, “I’ll tell you what happened to me in a minute, Brother Oliver. Right now I’m starving.” He proceeded to help himself to the chickeny goodness.
After taking a few bites, Brother Henry walked a few steps away and sat down. He started grooming, but he was talking to Brother Oliver in between licks. I noticed that there was still chicken on the plate, so I decided to remedy that situation.
As I partook of the powdered poultry, I listened to the conversation between The Brothers. Brother Henry said, “<slurp> So <slurp> Brother Oliver <slurp> first they looked me all over <slurp> and stuck me with some needles <slurp>…” At this point Brother Oliver asked Brother Henry if he would please take a break from grooming and just summarize what had happened to him. Brother Henry looked up and said, “Oh, sorry Brother Oliver, I… HEY! LEADER OTIS, I WASN’T DONE WITH THAT!”
Brother Henry quickly got up and came back over to the plate of chicken. Being a kind and generous Leader, I stepped aside and let him have the rest. He had been through a lot, so I figured it was the least I could do. Plus, he hadn’t eaten all day, and he would need his strength in case of a sudden attack by the LFDU. Yeah, I was totally fine with letting him have that chicken.
When Brother Henry was done eating the chicken, one of the Guardians began removing the colorful bandage that was on his leg. I am very familiar with these bandages as I have had way too many of them on Me in the past year.
While the Guardian was removing the bandage, Brother Henry recounted the tale of his Bad Place experience. After he was examined and poked with a few needles, he became very sleepy. He woke up later feeling very weird, like he was on some especially potent catnip or something. His mouth felt a little sore, and so did his tail. At this point, the Guardian had successfully removed Brother Henry’s bandage. He felt so relieved that he came over near Me and started rolling on the floor.
It looked like Brother Henry was having a lot of fun, so I decided to try to roll too. I can’t really do it anymore though because of My illness. Still, I was able to do some approximation of a roll and that made Brother Henry roll even more!
When he was done rolling, Brother Henry laid down near the TV. He said, “Whew! I am so happy to be home! Hmmmm… does anyone else feel a breeze in here?” Brother Oliver and I noticed that Brother Henry’s tail had been shaved, and that he had some stitches. Since I had overheard the Guardians talking about removing a fatty growth from Brother Henry’s tail, I assumed that the stitches were from that.
I suddenly had a flashback to when I had undergone My hipsterectomy surgery, and I remembered what the Guardians had made Me wear afterward. I said, “Brother Henry!”, but it was too late. Before I could say anything else, the Guardians grabbed Brother H.
Even though he looked ridiculous, Brother Henry was trying to play it cool. He laid down on the floor and said, “It looks alright, doesn’t it? I mean… you can hardly even tell it’s here, right?”
Brother Oliver said, “You mean that big goofy collar, Brother Henry? I can totally tell that it’s there. Sorry brother. That thing looks totally silly on you.” Brother Henry said, “But wait. How about if I turn my head this way? It looks cool, right? I can still strike fear in the hearts of The Mongrel Horde, can’t I?”
Brother Oliver said, “Well, yeah… I think you could still scare the fleas off of them, but only because they wouldn’t know what the heck was coming at them. A kitty crazy enough to have that thing on his head might be capable of anything.” Brother Henry tried to run at Brother Oliver, but he caught the edge of his crazy collar on the corner of the ottoman and fell down. As he laid there, Brother Oliver came up and sniffed him. He said, “Hey! Your breath doesn’t stink anymore! The good people at The Bad Place must have cleaned your mouth up while you were there!”
Brother Oliver then began to extoll all the virtues of good kitty oral hygiene. He said that he personally didn’t have any problems, but he had read that some kitties, like Brother H, get gum inflammation or infections that can not only be painful, but that can also have many other negative effects on their health. I gotta say, I was pretty impressed with how much Brother Oliver seemed to know on the subject. Brother Henry must have been somewhat less impressed. Just as Brother Oliver was saying how lucky Brother Henry must feel to have had his teeth cleaned, Brother Henry brought one of his mighty paws down on Brother O’s forehead. That pretty much brought the oral hygiene lecture to an end.
So Sayeth Otis