People and fur people who like The Leader Otis,
It’s Thomas. This morning, while I was hanging out at my forward base of operations under the couch, Brother Henry came to me with a look of concern on his face. He said, “Sir Thomas, we may have a problem. I have discovered a photo on a camera belonging to the Guardians. It was mixed in with photos that were taken at the specialty Bad Place where Leader Otis had all those tests a couple months ago. I think the photo indicates that we have an emerging threat… one that we never could have imagined. Take a look. I left the photo up on the camera right over there by the ottoman.” He turned his head to indicate where the camera was. I looked, and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
I said, “No way…” And Brother Henry said, “I know, Sir Thomas, I was shocked as well. I know you have long held that the wieners are the most dangerous ground troops in The Mongrel Horde. Perhaps I have not taken your concerns quite as seriously I should have. If this photograph is what I think it is, the wieners are about to become even more dangerous…” I was still fixated on the photo. My mind was reeling. Could it be? Could agents of The Long-feared (Wiener) Dog Uprising really be working on a genetically engineered, legless wiener dog!? The evidence was staring us right in the face.
Slowly, the full implications of what I was seeing began to sink in. I said, “Brother Henry, because of their ridiculously short legs, wiener dogs can already get into most tight spaces where we kitties can hide. But this new, snakelike wiener will be able to squeeze into even tighter spaces. No kitty will be safe if they succeed in creating this abomination!” Brother Henry said, ” I know, Thomas, but…” Brother Henry suddenly fell silent and looked back over his shoulder. I said, “What!? What is it!?” Brother Henry replied, “I… I thought I heard something slithering.”
Brother Henry said, “Sir Thomas, I need to go check this out. If a mutant wiener snake has infiltrated The Leader’s Indoor Domain, we are all in danger. You stay here. I will signal if I need backup.” I did as instructed.
As Brother Henry left, I thought for a moment that I heard some laughter followed by a muffled conversation. I can’t be sure though. After about 10 minutes, Brother Henry poked his head into my forward base of operations and said, “Stand down, Sir Thomas, there is no mutant wiener snake. This has all been a big misunderstanding.” When I asked him how he could be sure there was no wiener snake, Brother Henry simply said, “Trust me, Sir Thomas. We got some bad intelligence on this one.” Then he left.
I believed Brother Henry that the intelligence was wrong, and that there was no mutant wiener snake, but I was still pretty shaken up by the thought of such a beast. I guess the drawing in the photo must have just been the result of some crazy person’s imagination. I mean, a mutant wiener snake? Nope. No sane person or fur person would have come up with that.