People and fur people who like The Leader Otis,
It’s Thomas. Remember how when I was first swept up in The Capture and came to live in The Promised Land, I thought The Leader and The Brothers were kind of weird? Well, a couple days ago I suddenly thought that maybe I was right all along about their weirdness. It all started when I was relaxing in The Leader’s Outdoor Domain, and Brother Oliver came walking out looking like he was in some kind of daze. He glanced at me and said, “I sniffed the bag, and I now I can see your thoughts little squirrel. You can’t fool me with your fluffy-tailed trickery!”
Brother Oliver then laid down on his side and began to mumble softly to himself. I couldn’t make out everything he was saying, but he seemed to be obsessing over the idea that squirrels were out to get him or something. I decided that I should head inside to report this strange behavior to Brother Henry. I found him in the living room, and I was somewhat shocked by what I saw.
Brother Henry was laying on one of the posing benches, quietly chuckling to himself. Every once in a while his eyes would dart left or right, as if they were following some moving object that was invisible to me. He looked like a crazy cat.
I ran over to Brother Henry and said, “Brother Henry! Snap out of it! Something weird is going on! I…” Brother Henry cut me off mid-sentence by lunging toward me and shouting, “I’LL GET YOU CRUNCHY LITTLE BIRD!” I dodged him just in the nick of time, and as I jumped up onto the nearby cat tree with drawers I shouted, “BROTHER HENRY! WHAT THE FUR IS GOING ON AROUND HERE!?”
Brother Henry did not answer my question. Instead he just laid back down on the posing bench and started chuckling again. It was then that I saw it. The stinky package that Brother Oliver had tried to get The Leader and me to open for him was sitting on the floor. It was now open. I deduced that the contents of the package must have been what was driving The Brothers crazy! Just then, I heard Mama Cat’s voice coming from inside her room. She said, “Sir Thomas? Was that you shouting? What is going on out there?”
I said, “Yes M’Lady! It is I, Sir Thomas! The Brothers have gone crazy and I…” Mama Cat cut me off mid-sentence saying, “Whoa! Just a second, Sir Thomas… it looks like the Guardians left a treat for me. It’s some kind of stinky, dried plant stuff…” Deducing that the plant must have come from inside the package, I shouted, “NO M’LADY! DON’T SNIFF IT! DON’T EVEN LOOK AT IT!” But it was too late. I heard a faint snorting sound as Mama Cat breathed deeply of the plant’s stinky vapors.
I strained to hear what was going on in the other room. Hearing nothing I said, “M’Lady? Are you OK? Are you still with me here?” Mama replied, “Ummm… yeah. I think I’m OK. Should I not be for some reason?” Her voice sounded a little funny to me.
I said, “Are you sure you are OK, M’Lady? I’m just a little worried about you is all. You don’t feel a little… weird or anything?” Mama Cat said, “Nope. I feel just fine, Sir Thomas. I mean, I guess it’s a little bit strange that the wall over there just melted and became a spinning vortex of colors that I can smell and taste, but I’m pretty sure I’m fine.”
I said, “M’Lady, don’t sniff any more of that plant! I think it is affecting you and The Brothers and making you crazy! I don’t know what it is, but I fear it must be some kind of mind control drug sent by an agent of the Long-feared Wiener Dog…errr… I mean, Long-feared Dog Uprising!” Mama replied, but she sounded like she was having difficulty speaking. She said something like, “Guh uuuway ther thamas, ahh em tathteing thuh thulahr tharthruse…”
Suddenly, I realized that I was now the only cat who stood between Leader Otis and a possible attack by the LFDU! I tore off through the living room on my way to His last known location in Kitty Valhalla.
If the LFDU was coming for The Leader, they were not going to take Him without a fight. I steeled myself for the coming confrontation, but when I arrived in Kitty Valhalla, what I found was something far more worrisome than an impending showdown with the Mongrel Horde.