Disciples of Otis,
Brother Oliver here. After the altercation between Brother Henry and me, the Guardians entered the room and opened the stinky, mystery package. Inside was a paper-wrapped bundle of delicious stink the likes of which my nose had never smelled. According to the label, it was an ounce of valerian root. I felt like we had struck the stink jackpot!
Brother Henry didn’t even notice the stink packet that had been inside the box because he was too busy losing himself in the box itself. Apparently the cardboard had absorbed some of the stink, and Brother Henry could not stop sniffing it.
After taking repeated, deep inhalations of the box vapors, Brother Henry fell over on his side. He laid his cheek on the box and kept huffing in the scent. I started to get a little concerned about him.
Next, Brother Henry started rolling around on the floor with his paws out in front of him. His claws were extended, and he said, “Brother Oliver! The air is slippery! I can’t seem to get a grip!”
Just as I was about to go see if I could help Brother Henry, one of the Guardians stuck something under my nose. It was a little baggie that had been wrapped in the paper from the stinky package. The baggie contained the valerian root that was the source of all the stink. Before I even thought about what I was doing, I stuck my nose up to the open baggie and took a sniff of the contents.
That is the last thing I remember from that day. I awoke 24 hours later sitting in a pile of socks and underpants in the Guardians’ closet. Someone had hacked up a large hairball nearby, probably me, and the stink of the root still clung faintly to my fur. As I trudged my way to the nearest water bowl for a much needed sip, I suddenly had the thought that we should do everything in our power to keep this valerian root out of the paws of The Leader. With His past addiction problems, who knows what effect this stuff would have on Him. I shudder at the thought.
So Sayeth Brother Oliver