Disciples of Otis,
Soooo, I got tired of waiting for Brother Henry to open his wonderfully smelly package from Katnip Lounge. I decided to take the package to The Leader because I thought He would be so excited about the smell that He would open it Himself. Brother Henry would certainly punish me for opening a package addressed to him, but he would let it slide if Leader Otis did it. The Leader was resting up in Kitty Valhalla, and sure enough, as soon as I laid the package in front of Him, He was overcome with curiosity. He grabbed the box and started rubbing and biting it.
As The Leader worked at the box He said, “Brother Oliver! What is in here!? I just… I just want to squish this whole thing right into My face!” Then, with the corner of the box in his mouth He mumbled, “I musht haf wah-effurs muking thet groaree-us shmull!”
After Leader Otis chewed on the box for a few minutes, he had created a small hole. Unfortunately, He had also run out of steam. He looked up at Me and said, “Brother Oliver, I’m spent. Could you please open the box?” I replied, “Ummm… I probably shouldn’t, Leader Otis… the box is actually addressed to Brother Henry.” The Leader got a little annoyed at this point and said, “Then why were you trying to get Me to open it, Brother Oliver!? Go give it to Brother Henry. I’m sure he will share whatever glorious treat this box contains with all of us!”
I apologized profusely to Leader Otis and then grabbed the box to take it back downstairs. As I turned to leave Kitty Valhalla though, I decided to accidentally on purpose drop the box in front of Thomas, who was sitting in his safey-safe cubby hole. I thought that once Thomas smelled the wondrous box vapors he would lose his stuff and tear the box open. Instead he just stared at me.
I said, “Thomas, don’t you smell that? Don’t you want to know what’s in the box?” Thomas replied, “Smell what? This is my safey-safe, Brother Oliver. Do you see all of this fur surrounding me in here? That’s all my fur. All I smell in here is me. That’s why it’s my safey-safe. Now would you kindly remove this box before I lose my stuff and run downstairs?” I apologized profusely to Thomas, retrieved the box and then took it back down to the living room. It was now clear to me that there was only one cat that would be able to open this box, and that cat was me.
So Sayeth Brother Oliver