Disciples of Otis,
Brother Oliver here. I’m sorry we had so little information to share yesterday, but we were all so excited to finally spend time with The Leader again, that none of us wanted to leave Him alone. Many thanks to Brother Henry for doing the quick update that we did manage to post. Today, I’d like to give you as much information as possible about The Leader’s return from The Bad Place, and what we found out about His visit there. So, here’s how it went when He got home:
First, the Guardians placed the portable kitty jail that contained Leader Otis in the living room and opened the door. I asked The Leader to exit so I could inspect the interior. I was doing this as a personal favor to Thomas, who had asked if I would make sure that no wiener dogs had stowed away in Leader Otis’s kitty jail while he was at The Bad Place. He seemed to think they might try to take advantage of The Leader’s situation and attempt an infiltration. I found no signs of wiener activity in the jail.
While I inspected the kitty jail, Brother Henry inspected Leader Otis. He said he detected many strange and frightening scents, but that The Leader seemed mostly unharmed. He did note two shaved patches on The Leader’s back, one of which had a wound that was sealed with stitches. He also noticed that both of The Leader’s forelegs had shaved patches and some bruises.
After both Brother Henry and I sounded the all clear, Leader Otis got up and headed directly to our food bowl. Once there, He ate heartily.
After eating, The Leader hopped in a nearby litter box and relieved Himself. He’s been through a lot, so I decided it would be nicer if I didn’t post a photo of that. When He was done with the box, He headed for His Outdoor Domain. When I went out there a few minutes later, I was shocked to find The Leader having a conversation with Theo. Leader Otis was telling Theo that everything would be all right if he could just learn to trust The Guardians. Theo remained skeptical. I couldn’t believe The Leader was already back on the job so soon after His ordeal. He really is an amazing kitty!
After Theo left, one of the Guardians appeared with the soft, white blanket that you saw in yesterday’s blog post. The Leader climbed on top and the Guardian went back inside. Brother Henry came out to check on The Leader as I stood guard nearby.
The Guardian reappeared and placed a small, thick towel over The Leader’s back end to help keep his shaved parts warm. The Leader clearly appreciated this and settled in for a nap. Brother Henry took up position to guard The Leader as He slept, and I headed inside to find any paperwork that the Guardians might have brought home with them from The Bad Place. I wanted to see if I could sort out what The Leader had been through, and what, if anything, had been discovered about His muscle weakness.
I found some papers on the kitchen table, and I knocked them down to the floor for a better look. Yes. They looked like they had come from The Bad Place.
There were a ton of things on the paper that I didn’t fully understand. Leader Otis had undergone a “Cardiology Consultation” including an “Echocardiogram”. They had performed an “MRI” study on his brain, done an “EMG”, “Nerve Conduction Velocity” test and taken a “Paraspinal Muscle Biopsy”. Even though I am The Brains of The Cult of Otis, what was written on the papers kind of made my head spin. I settled in for a closer read to see if I could pull out anything important.
Then I noticed there were summaries after each test that was listed, and these were written in plain language that the average layfurson like me could understand. I learned that the cardiology part of the examination found some evidence of thickening in part of The Leader’s heart, but that it did not seem to be of concern at this time, and was probably not related to his difficulties walking. Under the “MRI” section, it said that there were no structural abnormalities in The Leader’s brain that would explain his symptoms. The “EMG” test showed something called “increased insertional activity with persistent positive sharp waves and fibrilation potentials in The Leader’s lumbar region…” which I think means spastic back muscles or something. His “Nerve Conduction Velocity” was normal, and the “Paraspinal Muscle Biopsy” results will not be known for about two weeks. The sheet then had a section marked “Diagnosis” which said “Suspected Myopathy”, and then listed a bunch of possible types of myopathy but basically said they’ll know more when the biopsy results come in. It sounded to me like they knew more about what isn’t wrong with The Leader, but still weren’t exactly sure what is.
As I let all of that information sink in, my eyes wandered to the sheet of paper on my right. It didn’t have paragraphs like the first sheet did. It just had two columns, one with words and one with numbers. I concentrated to try to decipher meaning of it all.
As I scanned down the page, I noticed that the lines in the word column contained the names of the tests I had just read about on the other page. Across from each test was a corresponding number in the other column. I also noticed that all of the numbers had a familiar symbol next to them. It was, “$”. Some of the numbers were very large, and at the bottom of the page was a number so large I didn’t even know it existed. Suddenly, I realized what the page was.
As soon as I knew what the page was, I also knew what it meant. I raised my head and in a loud, clear voice I said, “Brother Henry! Thomas! And even you Mama Cat! May I have your attention please! I regret to inform you that, starting tomorrow, we will all need to get jobs!”
So Sayeth Brother Oliver