People and fur people who like The Leader Otis,
It’s Thomas. Last night, after I came down from Kitty Valhalla, I found The Brothers and Leader Otis laying around in the living room. They were giggling, but I didn’t see anything that was funny. I asked what was going on, and Brother Oliver said that the Guardians had put some very potent catnip in the Leader’s Outdoor Domain and that he, The Leader and Brother Henry had just eaten some of it. He said there was more out there if I wanted to check it out. I decided that maybe I should check it out, and I headed out the door to find out what all the fuss was about. I found the nip sprinkled in the bottom of a box.
I ate a few bites of the nip, but it didn’t taste much different than any other catnip I have had.
I sat down and tried to concentrate on what I was feeling. Nothing. Everything felt normal. Why did everyone seem to be so excited about this catnip?
Suddenly, a purple squirrel ran up the wall of the Outdoor Domain. When he reached the top, he sprouted a little helicopter propeller from the top of his head and flew off into the night. Still wondering if I was ever going to feel anything from this catnip, I watched him disappear into the darkness trailing a a ribbon of rainbow colors behind him.
As I continued to sit there feeling completely normal, the ground suddenly shifted below me. I have heard Brother Oliver say that we live in an area that is prone to earthquakes, so I assumed that I was experiencing my first one. As the ground continued to shift, I lost my balance and fell over on my side.
Next the ground spun around in a circle. I didn’t know that could happen in an earthquake, but since my mind was completely unaffected by the catnip, I knew that must be exactly what was happening. As the ground spun, so did I.
When the spinning finally came to a stop, something even weirder happened. Gravity seemed to reverse itself. I ended up with my legs up in the air because that way felt like down. It was such a strange feeling, especially since I was experiencing it with a completely clear head, unaffected by the catnip that was clearly not as good as The Brothers and Leader Otis had thought.
After laying there with my legs in the air for a few minutes everything started to seem very amusing to me. I’m not sure why, but I just started laughing. I think I was probably just so relieved that I had survived the world’s strangest earthquake that I was reacting with relieved laughter. I continued to react with relieved laughter for approximately four hours, and then I fell asleep. When I woke up, gravity had returned to normal. I suddenly remembered the purple helicopter squirrel I had seen flying off into the night, and I got concerned that he might have crashed into the ground or something when the gravity reversed. I ran over and looked out of the Outdoor Domain, scanning for any sign of the crunchy little rodent.
Eventually I realized that when gravity had reversed itself, the purple helicopter squirrel would have actually flown off into space rather than crashing into the ground. I was puzzled for a moment, wondering why I hadn’t realized that right away. Then I figured it out. It was probably the catnip. I really don’t see why The Brothers and Leader Otis were so excited about it though if its only effect is to make you a little bit slower at seeing the obvious. I guess they really are kind of weird.