Disciples of The Leader Otis,
Brother Henry here. Brother Oliver will deny this, but I swear it is the truth. While the Guardians are giving Leader Otis His daily medications, they reward Him with freeze-dried chicken treats to make the process more tolerable for Him. You see, He hates taking oral meds, but a chicken chaser makes everything OK. Now, Brother Oliver is not on meds, but he seems to think he should still get all the chicken treats he wants. He doesn’t even ask, he just ducks in and steals them whenever he can. Nevermind that the Guardians have been very generous, and they always give us a few treats when they are medicating The Leader. Nope, Brother Oliver wants them all.
The other day he overdid it though. He stole so many chicken treats that his digestive system couldn’t handle it. This led to a litter box blowout that left Brother Oliver’s butt and legs… shall we say… soiled. It was really stinky too, so I wasn’t at all surprised when I saw that the Guardians wore special gear to clean him up.
Brother Oliver claims that the special gear the Guardian was wearing had nothing to do with him. He says that the Guardian was working on some project in the basement work room that was creating a lot of dust. He says that the real purpose of the mask and gloves was to protect the Guardian from that dust, not from his blowout aftermath. It’s a good story, but I’m not buying it.
What’s even more ridiculous is that Brother Oliver says his blowout had nothing to do with the excess chicken treats he ate. He says that he thinks somebody snuck some gluten into his food bowl. He heard on TV and the internet that everyone thinks they are allergic to gluten, so he must be too. I asked him if the Guardians should take him to The Bad Place to test him for a gluten allergy and he said, “No, no! I’m sure that’s what it is! I don’t need any test. It’s gluten. Definitely not chicken.” When I asked him what gluten was he simply said, “This conversation is over…”, and then he walked away with the faint smell of poo drifting along behind him.
So Says Brother Henry