It all started when Brother Henry was sitting on the cat tree in the front window. He was minding his own business, completely unaware of what was about to hit him.
Suddenly, he felt a major twinge of discomfort coming from a very private area. He went in for a closer look to see if he could figure out what was going on.
Brother Henry yowled, which drew the attention of one of the Guardians. The Guardian took a look but Brother H wasn’t happy about it. He jumped down and scooted his butt across the floor, yowling as he went. The Guardian hurried downstairs to the bedroom and alerted the other Guardian (who was still asleep) that they might need to take Brother Henry to The Bad Place right away because he seemed to have a blocked ummmm…. “anus band” or “annul guland” or something like that. I’m not really sure because I was half asleep as well.
While the sleepyhead Guardian was getting dressed, the other Guardian went back upstairs and came back down one minute later. She said, “Never mind. Everything’s OK now. Henry just pooped all over the floor and it looks like his ‘anum gand’ expressed as well. I’m going to go clean it up…” I was shocked, of course. Pooped all over the floor? What kind of behavior is that for a kitty!? I had to go speak with Brother Henry to find out what had happened. I found him half-hidden under the curtains in the living room.
I approached Brother Henry and said, “What is this I hear about you pooping on the floor!? What happened up here man!?” Brother Henry said, “I’m sorry, Leader Otis, but I’m not entirely sure myself. First, I felt a bad pain in my booty. When the Guardian tried to take a look, I panicked. I jumped down to the floor but my booty hurt so bad I felt a compulsion to scoot it across the carpet to see if I could rub away the pain. At that point, the Guardian ran downstairs. The rubbing apparently broke something loose because before I knew what was happening I had an explosive ass-ident all over the place. I felt MUCH better, but I was so embarrassed I had to hide here under the curtains.”
At that point I realized that Brother Henry had experienced a true butt-mergency, so I was no longer upset that he had fouled the floor. He was still embarrassed though, so I said, “That’s OK, Brother Henry. Besides, didn’t you know that today is ‘Booty-scootin Sunday’? Maybe your booty was just trying to make sure you didn’t miss out…” It was kind of a lame attempt at making him feel better, but it actually seemed to work. Brother Henry said, “Thanks Leader Otis. I know darn well it’s not ‘Booty-scootin’ Sunday’, but I appreciate the support.” I said, “Brother Henry, I am The Leader. Today is what I say it is.” Then I moved away from him, scooting on My booty as I went. I heard a laugh behind Me as Brother Henry came out from under the curtains.
So Sayeth Otis