This morning I walked into the living room to find Brother Henry sitting on top of the cat tree with a look of intense focus on his face. He was looking at something out in the yard, and he seemed completely oblivious to My presence.
I approached the cat tree and shouted, “Hey! Brother H! What are you doing?”, and he replied, “SHHHHHHH! Leader Otis, please keep it down! I am crunching this crow!” Lowering My voice, I whispered, “What crow?“, and Brother Henry said, “That crow out there in the yard. Don’t you see it?”
I looked out the window, and I did see a crow walking around in the Guardians garden patch. The crow looked distinctly uncrunched though. I asked Brother Henry how he could possibly be crunching the crow when the crow was at least 20 feet away and on the opposite side of the glass. Brother Henry said, “I’m crunching him with my mind.”
I sat there for a few seconds, looking from the crow, to Brother Henry and then back to the crow. Brother Henry remained focused, but the crow continued about his business without the slightest indication that he was being crunched. Eventually, the crow found some tasty tidbit and flew off. After watching the bird leave, Brother Henry turned to Me and said, “That’ll teach him!”, and then he jumped down off the cat tree and sauntered off to the food bowl.
When I looked out the window again, I saw that crow had returned. How silly of Brother Henry to think that he could have mentally crunched the crow. Everyone knows there’s only one way to to take care of those insolent birds, and that’s with the Kitty Mouth Machine Gun. I turned My focus on the bird, and did what Brother Henry should have done, “Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!” As the crow took off again I knew that My kitty machine gunning had been successful.
So Sayeth Otis