Agent in Training

People and furry people who like The Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas. Apparently, Brother Henry has gotten it into his head that I need some training. It all started the other night when he approached me on the cat tree by the front window and said, “Junior Agent T! It’s time for your formal training to begin!”

Henry and Thomas on cat tree

Brother Henry approached me on the cat tree and said that it was time for my formal training to begin.

When I asked Brother Henry what training he was talking about, he said, “Security agent training, of course! If you’re going to be of any use to us in the event of the Long-feared Dog Uprising, you are going to need to be fully trained! Now step lively Junior Agent T! Let’s get this training started!” I almost refused to play along, but then I decided that it might actually be fun. So I followed Brother Henry when he jumped down to the floor.

Once we were on the floor, Brother Henry said, “Alright, first I need to show you how we handle super-secret communications! Dogs have excellent hearing and we don’t want them to overhear any of our most important communiques. So here’s how we prevent that from happening!” Brother Henry then put his mouth up against my head, right behind my ear. He whispered softly, “Freeze-dried chicken is super tasty.”

Henry whispering to Thomas

Brother Henry pressed his mouth against me and told me that freeze-dried chicken is super tasty.

Brother Henry then pulled his face back and said, “Did you get that Junior Agent T!?” I said, “Yes. You said that freeze-dried chicken is su…”, “SHHHHHHHHHHH!”, Brother Henry interjected, “Keep it down Junior Agent T! That was secret! We don’t want the dogs knowing about that!” Although I was pretty sure that the dogs already knew that, I didn’t argue. I just said, “Oooops. Sorry I almost gave that one away Brother Henry. I’ll be sure to use your super-secret communication method next time.” I don’t think he saw me roll my eyes when I said it because he just said, “That’s fine Junior Agent T. You’re still a rookie, so of course you’re going to make a few rookie mistakes. Let’s move on.”

Brother Henry said that next he would show me how to properly sit an outpost. The outpost looked an awful lot like a box to me, but Brother Henry assured me that it was actually Security Outpost Zulu. He told me to hop in, sit down, and be alert for any signs of an impending canine attack. He then showed me how to properly look alert and I did my best to imitate him.

Henry and Thomas looking alert

Brother Henry showed me how to properly look alert while sitting a box… ummmm… outpost.

A few moments passed and then Brother Henry turned back to me and said, “Excellent, Junior Agent T! You’re an outpost sitting natural!” I don’t know why, but I kind of felt like smiling when he said that.

Next Brother Henry said, “Alright Junior Agent T! Now let’s work a little on your Sneaky Skills. Close your eyes and count to ten. While you do that, I’m going to go hide. When you reach ten, open your eyes and try to find me. Be sure to use your Sneaky though, because I’m going to try to ambush you!” I did as Brother Henry asked, and when I reached ten, I set off to find him.

Now, I lived outside for more than a year. Dangers were around every corner out there and I had to use all of my senses to avoid them. Back then, “Sneaky” was my way of life, so it took me about two seconds to realize that Brother Henry was lying in wait behind a tall cardboard box. I approached the box silently, and sat down next to it when I heard Brother Henry’s breathing coming from the opposite side.

Thomas hears Henry's breathing

I knew Brother Henry was behind the box. I could hear him breathing.

I circled back to my right, and leapt softly onto the black bench next to the box. I tiptoed down to the end and took up position above and behind Brother Henry. From my high vantage point I watched, knowing that at any moment I could drop down on Brother Henry from above and take him completely by surprise.

Thomas sitting above Henry on bench

My outside life had been so full of fear, that I was sneaky all the time. It was pretty easy for me to get the drop on Brother Henry.

As I watched Brother Henry from above, I realized that it would probably be devastating for him if he were to realize that the student was actually the master. Brother Henry has never lived in Limbo. He has never known the constant fear that drives outdoor kitties to become skittish, distrustful and secretive. In that moment, sitting above him, I envied him for that, and I decided I didn’t want to do anything to disrupt that sense of safety.

So I snuck back along the bench, and jumped back down on the other side of the box. I then walked with somewhat heavy footsteps toward where I knew Brother Henry to be hiding. When I didn’t hear any reaction from Brother Henry, I faked a kitty sneeze and suddenly he leapt out from behind the box. He crouched low, as if he was about to pounce, and said, “Aha! I have you Junior Agent T!”

Henry crouching to pounce at Thomas

I couldn’t bring myself to shatter Brother Henry’s reality. I got down off the bench and let him catch me.

I made a big show of acting startled, and I said, “Oh my gosh! Brother Henry! Where did you come from!? I can’t believe you got me!” Brother Henry said, “Don’t feel too bad Junior Agent T! It takes some practice to develop your Sneaky Skills. I’ve been working on them for more than 7 years now, so just give it some time and you’ll get there.” Getting up to leave Brother Henry said, “That’s it for today’s training, Junior Agent T. Practice what I have taught you and, when you’re ready, we’ll have another lesson. I’m sure you’ll be up to full Agent status in no time!”

After Brother Henry left, I jumped back up onto the bench to ponder all that had just happened.

Thomas on bench

When Brother Henry left, I jumped back up on the bench to ponder what had just happened.

I still think these cats are pretty weird, but I really do like them. If there really is going to be a Long-feared Dog Uprising like Brother Henry thinks though, well, I’m not so sure he is fully prepared to lead the defense. He’s certainly a big, strong cat, but If I’m able to get the drop on him, won’t the dogs be able to as well?

No, we need a new first line of defense. We need a weapon so stealthy that even The Leader Himself won’t know that it exists. That weapon will be an international cat of mystery. That weapon will be called “Secret Agent T”. That weapon will be me.

Thomas proud of himself

I am Secret Agent T.

Thomas Out

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Filed under Daily Life

36 responses to “Agent in Training

  1. Uh oh! Just don’t get June Buggie to help you, or us dogs won’t stand a chance!

  2. Thomas you are so smart and such an obvious leader of your pride. Good job.

  3. Thomas, did you know you have a THEME song so go with your Secret Identity? It’s “Secret Agent T”…only somebody screwed up and put “man” in place of “T”!!

    Also, the girls here are all fainty over your long mustaschio-whiskers. Do Secret Agents date?

  4. Heather

    That was so incredibly sweet of you, Thomas!

  5. Greetings Super Agent T,
    It occurs to me that really liking somecat and wanting to protect their sense of safety and pride, even though you think they’re really weird, is a pretty good description of feeling like part of a family. Concatulations Super Agent T, I think the first part of your mission is complete. Hitch, out.
    Purrs to you,
    Mistletoe & Hitch

  6. Penelope

    Dear Super Secret Agent T
    Me would has leaped on Brother Henry! But then me is the cat from hell

  7. spittythekitty

    Secret Agent T: It was very kind and thoughtful of you not to stage a surprise attack on Brother Henry, but honestly, you should have. I mean, how will he know he needs to improve his sneaky skills? What if you have to depend on him for sneakiness and he goes galumphing around like an elephant, breathing all loud and stuff? He’s a ManCat. He can handle the troof! Step up and teach him your sneaky skills, I implore you. Don’t let him be the weak link in your line of defense against the Boxer (and collie and terrier) Rebellion!!

    • Hmmmm… I do see your point, Spitty, but sometimes, in desperate situations, what you need most is a decoy. While one kitty draws the attention of an intruding canine, a more stealthy kitty may sneak up from behind for a surprise attack! πŸ™‚

      – Thomas

  8. Thomas, you are sooo smart. You will teach those old cats a thing or two.

  9. Are the dogs going to get the drop on Secret Agent T? I doubt it!

  10. Haha! We think you gave a few lessons of your own, Secret Agent T!

  11. Jenn

    This post killed me! Awesome.

  12. You are such a good sport Thomas. My Jenny spent her early months in an animal shelter and never knew life in limbo. Her sneaky skills are much weaker than Precious’s, as Precious spent her early months outside.

  13. ahhhhh…so, after taking MY advice to start training Thomas as a junior agent…now you, Thomas, have promoted yourself to official Secret Agent T…hmmmm…ok, ok…I can see you doing that. But remember, you are protecting Leader O…and he needs you to hang tight with him while he is still weak…(looks over shoulder…looks over other side)…pssssst Thomas…come closer so I can communicate in ‘sneak’ code with you…I have information about the LFDU..shhhhhh

  14. Pingback: Super Secret Security Sentinel | The Blog of Otis

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