I Thought This Place Was Safe!

People and fur people who like Leader Otis,

It’s Thomas. That weird Brother Henry told me that I need to cover the blog today because I was being insubordinate. I’m not sure how he figures I was being insubordinate since I’m in charge of myself and did exactly what I told myself to do. Maybe he’s just not sure what the word means or something. To be clear, we didn’t get in a fight or anything, and I still really like Brother Henry, but still… he’s weird.

It all started last night when I was sitting on the cat tree in the living room looking out the window. Brother Henry came running up and said, “Junior Agent T! We need your help! Our friend Savannah pointed out that we should be using you as a backup in our patrols of the house, and we tend to agree!”

Thomas on cat tree

Brother Henry said that he wanted me to help patrol the house. He is weird.

I said, “Is this gonna be like the time you initiated Defensaspan Alpo and made me stay up all night looking out the window? ‘Cause that wasn’t very funny…” Brother Henry said, “No! This is serious business! The Leader is very vulnerable right now and we need to continually patrol the house for any signs of the Long-feared Dog Uprising! Can we count on you Junior Agent T!?”

I paused for a moment as I absorbed what Brother Henry had just said, then I asked, “Sooo… you’re saying there may be dogs in the house right now?” Brother Henry answered, “Possibly. We won’t know until we patrol.” I said, “And if there are dogs in the house, their intent is to attack The Leader?” Brother Henry said, “Most definitely Junior Agent T, but they’ll have to get through us first! Can we count on you Junior Agent T!?” I didn’t answer Brother Henry because I was too busy jumping off the cat tree and running over to the couch. As I retreated I heard Brother Henry say, “Junior Agent T! Where are you going!?”

Thomas Under Couch

I didn’t answer Brother Henry’s question… at least not with words…

Once I was safely wedged under the couch I said, “Brother Henry, I’m happy to patrol for you as long as I am only assigned this area under the couch. I was led to believe that this ‘Promised Land’ was safe for kitties, and now you tell me it might be filled with hostile dogs? What is going on around here!?” Brother Henry then said, rather sternly I might add, “Junior Agent T! The Promised Land IS safe, but the price of safety is eternal vigilance! Who knows what the dogs are up to? Can you be sure they don’t have canine scientists working around the clock to discover the secret of the doorknob so they can come in here and take out The Leader!?”

I thought about what Brother Henry had said, and then I said, “Yeah… I can be pretty sure about that. First of all, I don’t think there are any canine scientists. Second, there is no secret to a door knob, you just need hands with thumbs to work most of them. Third, if dogs did discover the ‘secret’ of the doorknob they would only be interested in getting into the pet food store or the butcher shop.” Brother Henry stopped me right there and said, “I don’t have time for your doubting, insubordinate ways Junior Agent Thomas. Please just go handle the blog so Brother Oliver and I can focus on our patrol.”

So, that’s what I did. And you know what? When I crawled out from under the couch, I did so confident in the knowledge that there was no way any dogs out there were planning any kind of attack on The Leader. But as I sit here writing, I just heard a bark off in the distance. Then I heard an answering bark, a little bit closer. I know Brother Henry is weird… but what if he is also right? I think I will go resume my patrol under the couch. There is a big difference between doubt and certainty.

Thomas Out

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20 Comments

Filed under Daily Life

20 responses to “I Thought This Place Was Safe!

  1. 2 cats

    Mr Thomas, I think you should write the blog more often as you are clearly very smart. You are also very handsome, that 1st picture shows off your furry toes nicely.

  2. Thomas seems to be the logical one in this merry band of Kitty Cats.

  3. Love you Junior Agent T! What a wonderful addition you are to the Cult. I’m sure the Leader and the Brothers will come to appreciate your valuable insights and courage. And did I mention you are quite a handsome boy?

  4. mistletoeandhitch

    Oh sweet Thomas, I believe that the Promise Land is completely safe. You’ve gotten to know the Guardians some. Do you believe they’d stand by for the Long Feared Dog Uprising? But Brother Henry worries and being on patrol makes him feel important and in control. I think maybe you could humor the Brothers about the LFDU? As for barking, don’t you think that if they are smart enough to pull off this Long Feared Dog Uprising, they’ll be smart enough to be quiet? I’d think if they’re barking your safe. We have a small dog that serves the four felines in our home. Trust me, dogs are dumb and they bark because they want to warn everyone AWAY. I can tell cause when strangers walk by, she barks, when the pizza man comes up the drive she whines and yelps with obvious joy. So dear Thomas relax and humor Brother Henry. Give our best wishes to Leader Otis.
    Purrs to you,
    Mistletoe & Hitch

  5. Dear Mr T.
    Your insights and wisdom are invaluable.
    Also, you are a very talented writer!

  6. Junior Agent T, we think you make a great agent. You sure did a good job on the blog. WE bet you are going to make an excellent agent. Some of the gals around here are sure drooling over that picture and you are an agent too. Can’t get any better than that. Take care.

  7. wow! already “Junior Agent” and your own alphabet letter…cool! Maybe you can go through FBI training over at Kozmo’s, his sister Nellie, The Cat From Hell, sometimes allows him to take on other agents. I got my FBI badge a while ago and finally went on a caper a couple of months ago. It might help you JrAgentT to move into SrAgentT…just a suggestion…and very nice job on the

  8. spittythekitty

    Thomas, You are a ManCat after my own heart. When Human introodurs appear, I patrol all the acreage Under The Bed to make sure no Humans hide themselves there instead of leaving. So far I have been very successful. XOXOXO to all, especially Leader Otis.

  9. My dear dear friend Thomas, you have nothing to worry about, us dogs are your furiends and have no evil plans for world domination! Why would we when we are so happy with how things are?? And you are correct, if we learned how to open doors ourselves we would indeed be more concerned about obtaining the treats….actually that has me thinking… perhaps I should go and check my treat stock is safe!

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