I Think I’m Getting A Hipsterectomy

My Disciples,

As you are probably well aware, I found out some weeks ago that I am a Hipster. Because I am a Hipster, the Guardians took Me too a specialty Bad Place for an examination. For several weeks after that, they were moving My leg around on a regular basis and trying to get Me to play more. I tried, I really did, but it hurt. Well, yesterday the Guardians left for a while in the morning, and when they returned they smelled like they had been to that specialty Bad Place again. I’m not sure why they went, but they seemed especially focused on Me when they returned, and I heard the word “surgery” mentioned a few times. This made Me nervous and I began to self-soothe.

Otis self-soothing

The focus on Me in conjunction with the word “surgery” made Me nervous. I tried to soothe Myself.

Now, every kitty in My house has had surgery once already. I’m not saying that I don’t think that surgery was necessary or anything, In fact, it is My sixth Commandment.ย But why would I need to be surgerized again? The thought of being neutered a second time made Me let out a mournful yowl before I even knew I was doing it.

Otis Yowling

Could they really neuter Me a second time? I yowled at the thought.

After releasing that pent-up tension, I settled down a bit. I laid down on the couch, well aware of the ever-present throbbing sensation in My hip.

Otis on couch bummed

I settled down a bit after yelling, but I was still very aware of My pain.

As I lay there on the couch, an idea came into My mind. Perhaps the surgery of which they speak is not a second neuter. What if they can surgerize Me to remove the pain from My hip? Perhaps such a procedure exists! If it does, I bet it’s called a “Hipsterectomy”!

Yes! I bet that’s what they are planning, a Hipsterectomy. I can’t say that I’m not still nervous about the idea, but I’m sure the Guardians have done the appropriate research to insure that a Hipsterectomy is right for Me. I really, really hope it helps to get rid of this constant ache in My hip. Even moreso, I hope the Hipsterectomy eliminates My recent obsession with trying to find a kitty-sized pair of skinny jeans!

So Sayeth Otis

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31 Comments

Filed under Daily Life

31 responses to “I Think I’m Getting A Hipsterectomy

  1. 2 cats

    Leader Otis I am sure you would look great in skinny jeans, good luck with the hipsterectomy!

  2. Leader Otis, I’m so sorry to hear that the hip is still giving you trouble. I hope the Guardians will keep us updated on your progress and the hipsterectomy.

  3. mistletoeandhitch

    Oh My Catness, Leader Otis! We are sad that your hip causes you pain. Our huMom has a pain in her back. She had it surgerized 3 times to make the pain go away. It still hurts her but she didn’t have to get the chair with wheels and that makes her happy. When her back pains her she puts a warm flat pillow on it. Then I, Mistletoe, lay on her too. This is very helpful. Maybe one of the Brothers could lay on you? Maybe the smallest one? Or the warm flat pillow might be better. I am sure the Guardians have researched the surgeries and the bad places to make sure you get the best one. While I know it is scary to think about, making the pain go away is happy. We will think happy thoughts for you Leader Otis. Our huMom says “what goes around, comes around”. So you should have good things coming your way. Of course that means Hitch has a fountain full of water coming his way, so stand clear or you might get wet!

    Purrs to you!
    Mistletoe ….and Hitch

  4. Hope surgery goes well, and you have a speedy recovery! sending warm positive thoughts!

  5. Hope everything goes well! Feel better Leader Otis!

  6. Oh, poor baby! Mr. Chitters is purring for you, Otis. Good luck

  7. Poor Otis, I am so sorry that you have to have surgery but hopefully you will be pain-free afterwards ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Poor Otis, hurting hips is a pain in the.. well, it’s right close to the hips.. I hope that whatever they do you feel better soon! Sending hugs and purrs.
    Just one question, why would you want hipster skinny jeans when you are wearing the most adorable pair of striped pajammas???

  9. Hahaha, oh the pun-niness. ^.^ And hope it’s a hipsterectomy and that it works!

  10. Keeping things crossed for you little pal!

  11. I hope the hipsterectomy is a success and helps you feel less uncomfortable Otis! Keep us posted on how your doing.

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  15. Yikes! Sorry to hear you’re being surgerized again. I do hope it is a hipsterectomy and not a second neuter. I wouldn’t want to go through that a second time either

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