It’s been a rough couple days around here. Ever since Brother Oliver thought he had discovered a Long-feared Dog Uprising related conspiracy behind the book that the Guardians were reading, we have been at Defcat 3. Brother Henry has been working around the clock to ensure My safety, and the constant pressure seemed to really take a toll on his mental well being. He started off strong, sitting on top of the large cat tree with drawers in front of the living room windows. He said he wanted to be very conspicuous so any dogs that were thinking about launching an attack would think twice when they saw that they would have to contend with 17 pounds of tabby fury.
When Brother Oliver pointed out that if Brother Henry’s position were known, the dogs could figure out a way to flank him, Brother Henry decided to try a more covert defensive position. Although Brother Henry is incredibly mighty, he is a bit challenged when it comes to The Art of Sneaky. He decided to dismantle our inclined scratcher and disguise himself as part of it. He thought he was totally blending in, but from where I was sitting…. not so much.
Brother Oliver pretended that Brother Henry’s disguise was completely convincing by walking over and starting to scratch Brother Henry’s back. At this point Brother Henry got both annoyed and exasperated. He plopped down in the middle of the floor and said he would just lay out in the open and face whatever may come.
But nothing did come. Eventually, Brother Oliver decided to actually do something helpful and he got on the computer and looked up “The Oatmeal” to see if it really was an anagram for “The Meat Hotel” and thus a sign that the Long-feared Dog Uprising was imminent. As it turns out… it wasn’t. The Oatmeal is just some guy who makes funny comics on the internet! He’s a human, not a dog. He has nothing to do with the LFDU, and everything to do with making people laugh. Upon hearing this news Brother Henry immediately took us back down to Defcat 5 and headed off to take a nap.
So it seems that once again we have had a false alarm, My Disciples. Sorry about that. The price of feline freedom is eternal vigilance, and when the Uprising finally does come, we will be ready to counter it with claw and tooth! But hopefully it doesn’t come before Brother Henry is done with his nap. If it does, we might be kind of screwed.
So Sayeth Otis