Returning to Defcat 5

My Disciples,

It’s been a rough couple days around here. Ever since Brother Oliver thought he had discovered a Long-feared Dog Uprising related conspiracy behind the book that the Guardians were reading, we have been at Defcat 3. Brother Henry has been working around the clock to ensure My safety, and the constant pressure seemed to really take a toll on his mental well being. He started off strong, sitting on top of the large cat tree with drawers in front of the living room windows. He said he wanted to be very conspicuous so any dogs that were thinking about launching an attack would think twice when they saw that they would have to contend with 17 pounds of tabby fury.

Henry being conspicuous

At first, Brother Henry tried to be very conspicuous to deter any would-be canine attackers.

When Brother Oliver pointed out that if Brother Henry’s position were known, the dogs could figure out a way to flank him, Brother Henry decided to try a more covert defensive position. Although Brother Henry is incredibly mighty, he is a bit challenged when it comes to The Art of Sneaky. He decided to dismantle our inclined scratcher and disguise himself as part of it. He thought he was totally blending in, but from where I was sitting…. not so much.

Henry in scratcher

Brother Henry tried to disguise himself as an inclined scratcher. It wasn’t very convincing.

Brother Oliver pretended that Brother Henry’s disguise was completely convincing by walking over and starting to scratch Brother Henry’s back. At this point Brother Henry got both annoyed and exasperated. He plopped down in the middle of the floor and said he would just lay out in the open and face whatever may come.

Exasperated Henry

Brother Henry eventually got exasperated and just laid out in the open. He said he would face whatever may come.

But nothing did come. Eventually, Brother Oliver decided to actually do something helpful and he got on the computer and looked up “The Oatmeal” to see if it really was an anagram for “The Meat Hotel” and thus a sign that the Long-feared Dog Uprising was imminent. As it turns out… it wasn’t. The Oatmeal is just some guy who makes funny comics on the internet! He’s a human, not a dog. He has nothing to do with the LFDU, and everything to do with making people laugh. Upon hearing this news Brother Henry immediately took us back down to Defcat 5 and headed off to take a nap.

So it seems that once again we have had a false alarm, My Disciples. Sorry about that. The price of feline freedom is eternal vigilance, and when the Uprising finally does come, we will be ready to counter it with claw and tooth! But hopefully it doesn’t come before Brother Henry is done with his nap. If it does, we might be kind of screwed.

So Sayeth Otis

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Filed under Daily Life

12 responses to “Returning to Defcat 5

  1. Besides, Leader Otis. As representative of the Canine Nation, I can tell you we monitor your blog regularly so we know when to back off….. and when to proceed.

  2. mistletoeandhitch

    Oh goodness, Leader Otis. We are so relieved the LFDU has not begun. Although you’re located many miles away from us, once the LFDU begins I fear it will sweep the country then the world. While we understand your reluctance to embrace a canine in your exalted circle, we urge you to infiltrate the pooch platoon. Perhaps through your communications here? Or through a canine that the Guardians may be familiar with? Insider information into the mongrel multitude seems to be an important issue. Also, befriending a four legged fleabag may turn them from their objective and further your Kitty Kingdom. If you can convert humans into useful subjects, is it impossible for you to convince canines of the righteousness of your enlightened mission? After all there are many dogs that would welcome your message and embrace coming inside. We are sorry Leader Otis. We only brooch this subject due to our fear of the LFDU. We don’t want to prepare for it. We want to stop it. But whatever comes, we embrace your message and do our best to spread your teachings.

    Now we are going to commandeer the humom’s computer to research the human dressed in meat. There must be a reason for a human to do that!

    Purrs to you all,
    Mistletoe and Hitch

  3. Whew! We’ve been so on edge since this all started! It’s time for naps around here too then, and we can stop trying to get a peek at the dog who barks continuously somewhere behind us.. We think he’s trying some of that psycological noise warfare that they used some some placed called Waco a while back.. Of course, with a name like that, you have to worry about them being whacko’s with poor spelling skills…

  4. or is Mr Oatmeal already on our side?? Moo ha ha ha (that’s my evil laugh just so you know, I am not doing an impression of a cow!)

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