Investigating the Suspicious Book

My Disciples,

I mentioned yesterday that one of the Guardians kept staring at Me while he was reading a book. Well, I guess I should have paid more attention to the title of the book because it might have shed some light on the situation. The Guardian left the book on the couch when he went to work, and I got a closer look. The title was, “How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You”, and it was apparently written by a bowl of breakfast cereal. I knocked the book off the couch and it fell open on the ground. I was shocked by what it contained.

Otis looking at Oatmeal book

The book seemed to imply that The Brothers and I, or any cats for that matter, might try to kill their Guardians. I knocked it off the couch and it fell open so I could look inside.

Inside the book there was a rundown of common cat behaviors. Each behavior was interpreted as a possible sign that a kitty was plotting a lethal attack. I couldn’t believe that The Farina… errr… maybe it was The Cream of Wheat… no, The Oatmeal! That’s who wrote it! Anyway, I couldn’t believe that The Malt-o-Meal would write such inflammatory things! I mean, does anyone honestly believe that we cats could ever be devious, secretive and deadly? Of course they don’t! We are well known as… ummm… well… we’re known as completely innocent, fuzzy, cute little creatures… errrr… right?

I called Brother Oliver, The Brains of The Cult of Otis, into the room. I asked him to inspect the book to see what he thought of it.

Otis and Oliver looking at Oatmeal book

I called Brother Oliver in to inspect the book. I wanted his educated opinion on it.

After looking at the book closely, Brother Oliver paused and shook his head. He said, “Leader Otis, don’t you see what this is?” I replied, “Yes, it’s a book about how cat’s might try to kill people written by a breakfast cereal …” Brother Oliver then said, “No Leader Otis. Breakfast cereal can’t write books.”

I gasped. He was right! Cereal really can’t write books! I asked, “If Cheerios didn’t write this book Brother Oliver… then who did!?” Brother Oliver replied, “It must have been written by an agent or agents of the Long-feared Dog Uprising!” I gasped again. Of course! Who else would stand to benefit from a book that tries to make Guardians suspicious of their kitties! Brother Oliver continued, “Look here Leader Otis. If you rearrange the letters of the author’s name, ‘The Oatmeal’, you get the words ‘A Meat Hotel’. Who would really like a hotel filled with meat?” I thought about this for a moment and said, “Me?” To which Brother Oliver replied, “No! No! No! Well… I mean… yeah, you would.. so would I… but who else would like it?” “DOGS!” I exclaimed. “Exactly.” Brother Oliver replied.

At that point it all became so clear. The dogs were trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between us and The Guardians so the Uprising could commence. Well, nice try My canine friends, but this aggression will not stand! Brother Oliver has cracked the code and discovered your little scheme and now the eyes of The Leader are looking right at you!

Otis Looking At You

Nice try dogs, but I am on to you!

I am ordering Brother Henry to take us to Defcat 3, and if I hear so much as a bark we’re going immediately to Defcat 1! I am also advising all kitties to be on the lookout for signs of suspicion in your Guardians. If they are looking at you funny it might be because they were brainwashed by this canine propaganda book. Be vigilant My feline brothers and sisters! Oh, and if you should happen to find out that there really is a meat hotel, please tell The Brothers and I right away. We would like to book a vacation.

So Sayeth Otis

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Filed under Daily Life

17 responses to “Investigating the Suspicious Book

  1. The Oatmeal will be delighted the way things are transpiring!

  2. NO! NO! Defcat 3!!*** the LFDU is commencing???!!! hmmmmm…are you sure Cheerios or Rice Krispies didn’t write that stuff? Oh yes, BTW, I have passed an award to Thomas on my blog today. I know that Leader Otis does not post about blog awards, but I wanted Thomas to have something from me, Savannah, to welcome him into our paw blog family especially now that he is coming out of Kitty Valhalla.

  3. Dear Leader Otis, I read about Brother Oliver’s theory about this dreadful book and it’s connection to the Long Feared Dog Uprising with great trepidation. But as I reflected on the evil genius of such a plan it occurred to me, dear Leader Otis, dogs are not that bright. While they might seize upon an oprotune occurrence, I don’t believe they could conceive of something so intelligent. Unless, and I hesitate to voice this thought, but is it possible they are working with a specie of higher intelligence? Someone like raccoons or maybe……birds? I am sure I am being an alarmists and Brother Oliver will explain why this theory is mistaken.

    On another subject, I don’t know about meat hotels, but there is a human that wears clothing made of meat. I’ve seen her on the warm box of moving pictures. This human was clad entirely in meat. If anyone knows about a meat hotel it would be she. And perhaps she is the key to the plans of the Long Feared Dog Uprising?

    Purrs to you all,
    Mistletoe and Hitch

    • Hmmmmm… you know, what you are saying makes a lot of sense to Me M and H. I will share your thoughts with Brother O to see what he thinks. I am also very intrigued by this discovery of a meat wearing human. I’m no sure what to make of that or its potential connection the the LFDU. This information is troubling and possibly delicious…

      • No no no, you’re forgetting that Poodles are the brains of the dog kingdom, and theire ticked about their haircuts.. so they are highly motivated and probably smart enough to hatch this plan AND to hook some breakfast loving meat wearing human to take the fall! The plot deepens!

      • Poodles are the brains of the dog kingdom!? I had no idea!!! I do get why they are ticked about their haircuts though… 😉

  4. Maybe you need to write a book that makes humans suspicious of dogs? Or maybe it would be better to try and find the dog leader and make a truce. Imagine a dog and cat coalition uprising taking control away from humans. You guys can’t do much worse of a job of it after all. I reckon I’d vote for you over most of the human options available. I’ve often said my cat would do a better job than our PM…

    • Wait… I’m confused… are you implying that we kitties don’t already have control over the humans? That’s news to Me!

      • Only over those humans known as cat lovers 🙂 There are an incomprehensible yet fairly large amount of humans who simply don’t understand the superiority of cats and who fail to obey them!

  5. I’m grinning like an idiot right now Otis! ROFL!

  6. Pingback: Brother Henry’s Got My Back | The Blog of Otis

  7. Pingback: Returning to Defcat 5 | The Blog of Otis

  8. Bark and Woof – sorry I couldn’t resist!! Don’t worry the world will be a better place when we rule…coughs…. I mean when we all live together in harmony!!

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