This morning, Brother Oliver and I were very excited to find that the Guardians were putting clean sheets on the bed! They were very warm because they came straight out of the clothes warming machine in the basement. Brother Oliver and I jumped up on the bed as soon as the bottom sheet was on and we soaked up the toasty goodness.
As we were laying there, Brother Oliver said, “Hey, Leader Otis, do you think you could teach me Dragon Belly?” He then rolled over on his back with his rear pointing toward Me.
From My vantage point, I was looking directly at Brother Oliver’s butt, and I was appalled by what I saw. It looked like Brother Oliver had had some sort of… errr…. problem earlier in the morning and he didn’t properly clean up afterward. I quickly moved over to the edge of the bed where I didn’t have to look at that mess. I said, “Brother Oliver, before I teach you Dragon Belly, I think you better attend to a pressing personal hygiene matter.”
Brother Oliver got all defensive after that. He said, “What! Leader Otis, I think you are mistaken. You must have just seen a shadow or something because I assure you that I am extremely studious about my personal hygiene!”
Before I could reply, one of the Guardians entered the room and tossed the crumpled up top sheet onto the bed. Brother Oliver saw his chance to end the conversation. He said, “All right!” and then grabbed the warm sheet and began to pummel it with his hind feet.
After zoning out and thoroughly mauling the sheet, Brother Oliver sat up and let out a satisfied sigh. I walked over, looked at the sheet, and made a startling discovery. I said, “Brother Oliver! You got poo on this sheet!”
Fearing that he would get in trouble, Brother Oliver quickly hid underneath the sheet. I peeked under there at him and he was really worked up. His pupils were huge!
I told Brother Oliver it was silly to hide under the sheets because the Guardians would know he was under there, but he said, “No. When they come back in the room they will see the poo spot on their nice, clean sheets, and then they will see you sitting there. They will probably immediately assume that you are the bed pooer and they will be so distracted that I’ll be able to slip away unnoticed!” I gasped, shocked that Brother Oliver would try to pin this poo on Me. Then I did the only thing I could think of.
Moments later one of the Guardians entered the bedroom and I heard her say, “What’s that?” She looked closely at the sheet, right where I had discovered the poo. There was a pause, and then she picked something up and said, “Oh, it’s just some of Otis’s fur…” I heard a shocked gasp from Brother Oliver behind Me under the sheets. I sat there for a moment, pondering what had just happened, before saying, “Well, you do have a dirty butt.” And then Brother Oliver gave Me a hard whack on the backside with his paw. I admit, I probably deserved it.
So Sayeth Otis