It’s Clean Sheets Sunday!

My Disciples,

This morning, Brother Oliver and I were very excited to find that the Guardians were putting clean sheets on the bed! They were very warm because they came straight out of the clothes warming machine in the basement. Brother Oliver and I jumped up on the bed as soon as the bottom sheet was on and we soaked up the toasty goodness.

Otis and Oliver on bed

Brother Oliver and I were excited to soak up the toastiness of the clean sheet.

As we were laying there, Brother Oliver said, “Hey, Leader Otis, do you think you could teach me Dragon Belly?” He then rolled over on his back with his rear pointing toward Me.

Otis and Oliver dragon belly

Brother Oliver asked if I would teach him Dragon Belly, then he rolled over on his back.

From My vantage point, I was looking directly at Brother Oliver’s butt, and I was appalled by what I saw. It looked like Brother Oliver had had some sort of… errr…. problem earlier in the morning and he didn’t properly clean up afterward. I quickly moved over to the edge of the bed where I didn’t have to look at that mess. I said, “Brother Oliver, before I teach you Dragon Belly, I think you better attend to a pressing personal hygiene matter.”

Otis offended

I moved to where Brother Oliver’s messy bits were no longer in My line of sight. I then asked him to clean himself up.

Brother Oliver got all defensive after that. He said, “What! Leader Otis, I think you are mistaken. You must have just seen a shadow or something because I assure you that I am extremely studious about my personal hygiene!”

Oliver offended

Brother Oliver got upset that I told him to clean himself up. He started saying that I must have seen a shadow instead of what I thought I saw.

Before I could reply, one of the Guardians entered the room and tossed the crumpled up top sheet onto the bed. Brother Oliver saw his chance to end the conversation. He said, “All right!” and then grabbed the warm sheet and began to pummel it with his hind feet.

Oliver attacking sheets

The arrival of the clean top sheet provided Brother Oliver with an opportunity to exit the conversation. He grabbed the sheet and began to kick it.

After zoning out and thoroughly mauling the sheet, Brother Oliver sat up and let out a satisfied sigh. I walked over, looked at the sheet, and made a startling discovery. I said, “Brother Oliver! You got poo on this sheet!”

Otis shocking discovery

After Brother Oliver finished kicking the sheet, I discovered what appeared to be poo on it!

Fearing that he would get in trouble, Brother Oliver quickly hid underneath the sheet. I peeked under there at him and he was really worked up. His pupils were huge!

Oliver under covers

Brother Oliver hid under the covers when I found that he had pooed the bed.

I told Brother Oliver it was silly to hide under the sheets because the Guardians would know he was under there, but he said, “No. When they come back in the room they will see the poo spot on their nice, clean sheets, and then they will see you sitting there. They will probably immediately assume that you are the bed pooer and they will be so distracted that I’ll be able to slip away unnoticed!” I gasped, shocked that Brother Oliver would try to pin this poo on Me. Then I did the only thing I could think of.

Otis Under Covers

There was no way Brother Oliver was pinning this poo on Me!

Moments later one of the Guardians entered the bedroom and I heard her say, “What’s that?” She looked closely at the sheet, right where I had discovered the poo. There was a pause, and then she picked something up and said, “Oh, it’s just some of Otis’s fur…” I heard a shocked gasp from Brother Oliver behind Me under the sheets. I sat there for a moment, pondering what had just happened, before saying, “Well, you do have a dirty butt.” And then Brother Oliver gave Me a hard whack on the backside with his paw. I admit, I probably deserved it.

So Sayeth Otis

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Filed under Daily Life

15 responses to “It’s Clean Sheets Sunday!

  1. You are a dreadful tease! We always wonder why it is our cats get to sleep on our nice clean sheets before we do – not fair!

  2. *sniffs at Oliver’s dirty butt!*

  3. Poo butt or not, that Brother Oliver is one handsome guy as are you, Leader Otis!

  4. mistletoeandhitch

    We adopted a small pup many years ago. I realize you might question the wisdom of this due to the much feared Dog Uprising that we all prepare for. But taking one of their offspring and enfolding it into our clowder, raising it as our own, gives us a loyal spy if and when the uprising occurs. It also has the added benefit of providing a convenient dupe whenever a poo event might occur. The Guardians immediately assume that the dog is guilty of any lapses in hygiene. As cat’s we are able to look on the dog with pity after she is unfairly accused. The poor dear, why must our Guardians jump to conclusions? Our canine friend looks to us for comfort and we are happy to provide it. This plan also works with and destroyed property the Guardians come across.

    • Hmmmmm… I had never considered the possibility of indoctrinating a puppy to serve as a spy. And he would also double as a scapegoat!? Very devious. I like it… but I’m still not comfortable co-habitating with dogs… especially after being at their mercy when I was alone in the wilderness…

      • mistletoeandhitch

        Mistletoe here, Hitch and I understand your feelings purrfectly. We were also alone in the wilderness and it was scary. I was a bit more worried about living with other cats, and male humans. But whatever your experiences, I recommend a small dog, if one fits in your household at all. Ours is a ‘mixed’ breed, whatever that means! I know that as a pup she was just kitten size, and now she’s grown, well I’m not a large cat, but I can “correct” her when needed. Just remember, dogs are dumb. They want to be loved by all, even cats. Once trained they are excellent spies. As for scapegoat? Well, it’s always the dog fault. Poor dumb animal.

      • At 17.5 pounds, I think Brother Henry might already qualify for “small dog” status! Don’t tell him I said that though. πŸ˜‰

  5. MOL oh my goodness! shameless… utterly shameless!

  6. You made me smile today Otis πŸ™‚ Nothing quite like warmth from clean sheets for the ARTH-ritis

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