I declare today Scratcher Sunday! I was going to call it “Scratching Sunday”, but I decided to be more specific because I didn’t want kitties thinking it was OK to go crazy and scratch everything they saw. Our Guardians don’t appreciate it very much when we scratch furniture, curtains, each other or humans. I don’t know why, they’re just picky that way. Anyway, I decided to observe Scratcher Sunday on a lovely cardboard scratcher in the Guardians’ bedroom. Before I got started, I paused to mentally prepare Myself for what was sure to be an epic scratching session.
Once I had achieved the proper meditative state, I took up position on the scratcher. At first, I just laid My paws on the rough surface, attempting to channel the scratcher’s energy and hoping it would guide My claws to scratching glory.
Connecting with the cardboard on some deep, spiritual level, I was suddenly compelled to begin scratching. My claws tore into the scratcher with a satisfying ripping sound, but I wanted more. I pushed My head down on top of My paws, applying downward pressure that allowed Me to dig ever deeper into the rough, papery surface.
Now, truly feeling as one with the scratcher, I pulled My hind legs up onto its cardboardy surface and pressed in with the full weight of My body.
At this point, something went terribly wrong. I’m not sure if I delved too deeply or too greedily, but I must have angered the Spirit of the Scratcher. It suddenly began to jump and buck beneath Me. I tried My hardest to hold on.
It was no use. The scratcher jerked violently to one side and I tumbled overboard. I found Myself lying on the floor beside the scratcher which was suddenly still.
I knew not what I had done to anger the Spirit of the Scratcher, but I knew I now had to make amends. I began gently nuzzling the cardboard side to indicate My remorsefulness for My transgression.
I could tell that My appeasement was working, so I intensified My efforts.
Eventually, the Spirit was appeased. I climbed back on the scratcher and continued to gently nuzzle it, showing My appreciation for the act of forgiveness.
After that, I dared not attempt to scratch the cardboard surface again until the Spirit has had time to forget. Instead, I went back upstairs and exorcised My remaining scratching demons on the arm of the couch. Sure, the Guardians didn’t appreciate it, but they are far easier to appease than the Spirit of the Scratcher.
So Sayeth Otis