The Guardians are Making Stuff Up!

My Disciples,

Earlier this morning one of the Guardians was eating something that smelled like it might be the tastiest thing in the history of everything ever! I thought I heard her tell the other Guardian that it was a “butter cross aunt” or something like that. Anyway the mention of butter really piqued My interest so I jumped up on the couch to investigate.

Otis wanting croissant 1

The Guardian was eating what smelled like the tastiest thing in the history of everything ever. I moved in to investigate.

As I sat and waited patiently for the Guardian to give Me My rightful share of the delectable treat, I realized that she wasn’t sufficiently acknowledging My presence. I moved closer to make it clear that I was becoming impatient and that I wanted satisfaction immediately.

Otis wanting croissant 2

I moved in closer to make it clear that the Guardian needed to share right away.

Even with Me sitting inches from the cross aunt, the Guardian did not acknowledge My presence. I decided that maybe she couldn’t see Me because she was looking at the TV. I shifted My position putting Myself directly between her and the screen.

Otis wanting croissant 3

I thought that the Guardian didn’t see Me because she was looking at the TV. I shifted position so I was directly in her line of sight.

At this point the Guardian said something that didn’t make any sense. She said, “Otis! I can’t give you any of this. You shouldn’t eat bread because you might get Die Betties!” I think she said “Die Betties” anyway. Whatever it was, it was clearly made up. In order to confirm My suspicions, I called Brother Henry in to investigate. I told him to take a sniff and let Me know if he could detect any “Die Betties” in what the Guardian was eating.

Otis wanting croissant 4

I asked Brother Henry to investigate the Guardian’s food to see if he could detect any Die Betties.

Brother Henry sniffed and sniffed. Then he said, “Leader Otis, all I can smell is delicious, buttery goodness! I don’t smell anything else out of the ordinary.” With that, My suspicions were confirmed. The Guardian was intentionally deceiving Me to prevent Me from having a taste of the best food that has ever or will ever exist. I watched the Guardian eat the last bite of the Cross Aunt that she had claimed contained Die Betties, and then I collapsed on the couch. I resolved Myself to the fact that I would now probably starve to death unless I somehow found the energy to make it to My food bowl that was at least 25 feet away. Couldn’t the Guardian see that I was wasting away to nothing right before her eyes!?

Otis collapsed on couch

The Guardian had deprived Me of My rightful share of the Cross Aunt. Famished, I collapsed on the couch.

At that point, I passed out. Brother Henry must have seen My plight and dragged Me to My food bowl because when I woke up My face was in the bowl and My belly was full. Thank The Saints for Brother Henry’s watchful eye and protective care. I would not have survived to lead another day without him!

So Sayeth Otis

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Filed under Daily Life

12 responses to “The Guardians are Making Stuff Up!

  1. mistletoeandhitch

    Oh Leader Otis, our guardian sometimes mistake what we desire. My huMom is always offering me meat. She seems to believe this is what I want. It took years to communicate that I wished some of the things she calls chips. I don’t know what they are chips of but their salty crunchiness is what I’m looking for. Chips and fries were part of what kept me alive before I was captured. How can they now be “unhealthy” for me? Are they not unhealthy for the huMom? Luckily are clowder contains a boy/man. These are like huMoms, but still being trained. They tend to leave small bits of their food for us, which the huMom forces them to clean if we don’t consume them first. Maybe you need a boy/man? There seems to be large numbers of them whereever TV’s and play stations are found.
    Your servent,

  2. I love this. 25 feet IS an awfully long way away, you know, haha.

  3. Seeing that huge smile on your face in the second picture, I would have been hard pressed not to give you everything you wanted and more!

  4. My Mama and I have a cat friend with Die Betties. You would not like it. You get stuck with needles to take your blood out then with more needles to put medicine in. Not fun. Not worth a Cross Aunt.

  5. Not the “Die Betties”! Otis I would have given you a taste – such evil guardians (jk)!

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