Earlier this morning one of the Guardians was eating something that smelled like it might be the tastiest thing in the history of everything ever! I thought I heard her tell the other Guardian that it was a “butter cross aunt” or something like that. Anyway the mention of butter really piqued My interest so I jumped up on the couch to investigate.
As I sat and waited patiently for the Guardian to give Me My rightful share of the delectable treat, I realized that she wasn’t sufficiently acknowledging My presence. I moved closer to make it clear that I was becoming impatient and that I wanted satisfaction immediately.
Even with Me sitting inches from the cross aunt, the Guardian did not acknowledge My presence. I decided that maybe she couldn’t see Me because she was looking at the TV. I shifted My position putting Myself directly between her and the screen.
At this point the Guardian said something that didn’t make any sense. She said, “Otis! I can’t give you any of this. You shouldn’t eat bread because you might get Die Betties!” I think she said “Die Betties” anyway. Whatever it was, it was clearly made up. In order to confirm My suspicions, I called Brother Henry in to investigate. I told him to take a sniff and let Me know if he could detect any “Die Betties” in what the Guardian was eating.
Brother Henry sniffed and sniffed. Then he said, “Leader Otis, all I can smell is delicious, buttery goodness! I don’t smell anything else out of the ordinary.” With that, My suspicions were confirmed. The Guardian was intentionally deceiving Me to prevent Me from having a taste of the best food that has ever or will ever exist. I watched the Guardian eat the last bite of the Cross Aunt that she had claimed contained Die Betties, and then I collapsed on the couch. I resolved Myself to the fact that I would now probably starve to death unless I somehow found the energy to make it to My food bowl that was at least 25 feet away. Couldn’t the Guardian see that I was wasting away to nothing right before her eyes!?
At that point, I passed out. Brother Henry must have seen My plight and dragged Me to My food bowl because when I woke up My face was in the bowl and My belly was full. Thank The Saints for Brother Henry’s watchful eye and protective care. I would not have survived to lead another day without him!
So Sayeth Otis