I’m so embarrassed. Earlier today, Brother Henry and I were hanging out in Kitty Valhalla with Thomas. We were trying to figure out what we should do when Thomas asked, “Are the Catlympics still happening this fall?” When I told him they were he said, “Well, since I’m no longer out in Limbo with Mama Cat, how will I be able to train?”
Brother Henry perked up when Thomas asked the question, and he said, “I can train you Thomas!” He then looked expectantly at the nearby Guardian who obediently grabbed a mouse toy and started dangling it in front of Brother Henry. Brother Henry said, “Although we ordinarily use an artificial bird in the Catlympics, we can practice on this fake mouse instead. See this paw Thomas? Watch what I do with it.”
As the mouse swung by in front of Brother Henry, he gave it a mighty whack with his paw. Then Henry said, “See Thomas? That’s what we call a ‘Power Swipe'”.
In My opinion, the Power Swipe seemed like far too basic a move for Thomas. After all, Thomas had been training under the best Cathlete around just a few months ago. As Brother Henry prepared to demonstrate another Power Swipe, I interrupted and said, “Brother Henry, let Me take over. I think I can teach Thomas a thing or two.” Brother Henry obliged, and the Guardian swung the mouse over in My direction. I said, “OK Thomas. As Mama Cat taught you, the first thing you want to remember is to watch the bird, or in this case the mouse, closely.” I kept My eyes fixed on the mouse as it swung toward Me.
As the mouse came closer, I glanced at Thomas and said, “The next thing you will want to do is anticipate where the mouse is heading, that way you can… ummmm.” I had turned My attention back toward the mouse, but I could no longer see it. I had taken My eyes off it for too long when I was instructing Thomas. I had broken the first rule I meant to teach him!
I tried to keep going, but things were deteriorating fast. I said, “…because when you anticipate, you will know when it is time to act, which is the third step in this… ahhhhhhh… I…. ” I was struggling with My words because something had just landed on My head. I was certain that it must be the mouse.
Now desperate to salvage both the lesson and My reputation as The Leader, I said, “OK, see… I totally anticipated that the mouse was going to land on My head. So now, I will act. I’ll just… errr… I’ll roll this way… and…” I began to tilt My head, trying to get the mouse to roll down toward My mouth or paws.
After a few awkward moments, I successfully rolled the mouse into a position where I could grab it. I wrapped My paws around it and proceeded to maul it.
As I finished mauling the mouse, I let it drop from My paws. I turned to Thomas, who was still watching Me from his cubby, and said, “And that is how a true Catlympian does it!” Thomas looked back at Me for a moment and then said, “Ummmm… I doubt it.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I went over to the door and scratched to let the Guardian know that I wanted out. Brother Henry came with Me, although I would have rather he didn’t. When we got halfway down the stairs he said, “Ummm… Leader Otis? Is it ok if I train Thomas from now on?” I said nothing as I slunk off into the living room to lick My psychological wounds.
So Sayeth Otis