I wanted it. It was right there in front of Me and I wanted it. So I reached out to take it, but I couldn’t quite reach it.
I stretched as far as I could with My right leg, squishing My face against the wall of My Outdoor Domain. I could feel it tickling My paw pads, but My claws could gain no purchase.
I switched to My left leg, thinking that perhaps it was slightly longer than My right. I squished My face even harder into the wall.
My claws sunk in. I felt the resistance as they secured themselves in the grassy blades of goodness. I would have My prize yet!
I lost My grip. The prize slipped away. I began batting furiously at the mocking blades of grass, punishing them for their insolence.
My struggles drew the attention of Brothers Henry and Oliver. They both examined the situation and attempted to come up with a solution.
Brother Henry thought he might be able to reach the grass with his much longer leg. He reached through the wire, but the blades seemed to mock his attempt as well.
I thought that if Brother Henry and I worked together, perhaps we could subdue this insolent plant. Once again, the attempt ended in failure.
I began to lose heart. I turned away from the object of My desire, feeling defeated. Brother Henry persisted in his attempt, determined to secure the prize no matter the cost. Meanwhile, Brother Oliver announced that he detected a foul stench in the air. I suspected that he smelled the sour odor of My disappointment.
I was wrong. Brother Oliver followed the stink to its source. Apparently, Brother Henry had been straining so hard to reach the blades of grass, he had gone and had an ass-ident.
Brother Henry was mortified, and ran inside the house to take care of his pressing personal hygiene issue. Brother Oliver was nauseated, and ran inside the house to throw up on whatever surface would be hardest for the Guardians to clean. I was left alone with that evil, mocking grass.
I knew if I laid there long enough, the grass would grow until it came within My reach. All I would need was patience, and it could all be mine. After waiting a full five minutes, I decided that patience wasn’t working, and I retired to My Indoor Domain and the waiting food bowl. Unlike the grass, the food bowl never mocks Me.
So Sayeth Otis