The Mocking Grass

My Disciples,

I wanted it.  It was right there in front of Me and I wanted it.  So I reached out to take it, but I couldn’t quite reach it.

Otis Reaching for Grass 1

I stretched as far as I could with My right leg, squishing My face against the wall of My Outdoor Domain.  I could feel it tickling My paw pads, but My claws could gain no purchase.

Otis Reaching for Grass 2

I switched to My left leg, thinking that perhaps it was slightly longer than My right.  I squished My face even harder into the wall.

Otis Reaching for Grass 3

My claws sunk in.  I felt the resistance as they secured themselves in the grassy blades of goodness.  I would have My prize yet!

Otis Reaching for Grass 4

I lost My grip.  The prize slipped away.  I began batting furiously at the mocking blades of grass, punishing them for their insolence.

Otis Reaching for Grass 5

My struggles drew the attention of Brothers Henry and Oliver.  They both examined the situation and attempted to come up with a solution.

Oliver and Henry inspecting the situation

Brother Henry thought he might be able to reach the grass with his much longer leg.  He reached through the wire, but the blades seemed to mock his attempt as well.

Brother Henry lends a paw

I thought that if Brother Henry and I worked together, perhaps we could subdue this insolent plant.  Once again, the attempt ended in failure.

Otis and Henry working together

I began to lose heart.  I turned away from the object of My desire, feeling defeated.  Brother Henry persisted in his attempt, determined to secure the prize no matter the cost.  Meanwhile, Brother Oliver announced that he detected a foul stench in the air.  I suspected that he smelled the sour odor of My disappointment.

Otis Turns Away

I was wrong.  Brother Oliver followed the stink to its source.  Apparently, Brother Henry had been straining so hard to reach the blades of grass, he had gone and had an ass-ident.

Oliver sniffs the ass-ident

Brother Henry was mortified, and ran inside the house to take care of his pressing personal hygiene issue.  Brother Oliver was nauseated, and ran inside the house to throw up on whatever surface would be hardest for the Guardians to clean.  I was left alone with that evil, mocking grass.

Otis and the mocking grass

I knew if I laid there long enough, the grass would grow until it came within My reach.  All I would need was patience, and it could all be mine.  After waiting a full five minutes, I decided that patience wasn’t working, and I retired to My Indoor Domain and the waiting food bowl.  Unlike the grass, the food bowl never mocks Me.

So Sayeth Otis

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Filed under Daily Life

24 responses to “The Mocking Grass

  1. I’ll be giggling all day at “ass-ident.” Thanks for the laugh Otis! Poor Henry! We still love you!

  2. PlumaBlanca the working cat here, “Maybe you could ask your human feeders if they could reach some grass for you, it helps to bring up hairballs and you could gift them one”

  3. Brilliant post! 🙂 great shots!

  4. Mr Otis! How nice to have you back in all your wisdom! And I am distraught that the grass did not come at your command…shocking! Oh, and terrible sorry for Brother Henry’s embarrassment, nasty huh?!

  5. You need to direct your guardians attention to the finer qualities of home grown cat grass which could be located inside your domain. Nothing like some good cat grass, as Funky says, to bring up the hairballs.

    Wonderful photos 🙂

  6. So near and yet so far…..

  7. Tom

    Aww… There’s nothing like good grass from beyond the walls. But it is a little annoying, how it does not respond to commands or threats.

  8. Aw, them mean ol’ grasses was teasin’ you! Give it a few days and it’ll be yours! As long as no one cuts it down first…

  9. Grass? We don’t have any on the balcony or in the house. Maybe Mama can get some from the store…I’ll have to tell her about this stuff called grass.

  10. Aww, poor Otie Potie Pie 😦 You sound like you need a snuggly hug 🙂 (And a kind guardian to pick that insolent grass for you!)

  11. RC Cat, “Dear Otis, We are simply exhausted after reading about your futile efforts with the mocking grass. Then We worried Our Special Grass had somehow wandered to your home. A stately scrambled revealed Our Special Grass container is still in Our sunny window. It now demands Our attention: and a nibble trim, so We shall have to continue this chat late. In sympathy of your unobtainable dream, I offer a soft cheek pat.”

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