My Disciples,
I wanted it. It was right there in front of Me and I wanted it. So I reached out to take it, but I couldn’t quite reach it.
I stretched as far as I could with My right leg, squishing My face against the wall of My Outdoor Domain. I could feel it tickling My paw pads, but My claws could gain no purchase.
I switched to My left leg, thinking that perhaps it was slightly longer than My right. I squished My face even harder into the wall.
My claws sunk in. I felt the resistance as they secured themselves in the grassy blades of goodness. I would have My prize yet!
I lost My grip. The prize slipped away. I began batting furiously at the mocking blades of grass, punishing them for their insolence.
My struggles drew the attention of Brothers Henry and Oliver. They both examined the situation and attempted to come up with a solution.
Brother Henry thought he might be able to reach the grass with his much longer leg. He reached through the wire, but the blades seemed to mock his attempt as well.
I thought that if Brother Henry and I worked together, perhaps we could subdue this insolent plant. Once again, the attempt ended in failure.
I began to lose heart. I turned away from the object of My desire, feeling defeated. Brother Henry persisted in his attempt, determined to secure the prize no matter the cost. Meanwhile, Brother Oliver announced that he detected a foul stench in the air. I suspected that he smelled the sour odor of My disappointment.
I was wrong. Brother Oliver followed the stink to its source. Apparently, Brother Henry had been straining so hard to reach the blades of grass, he had gone and had an ass-ident.
Brother Henry was mortified, and ran inside the house to take care of his pressing personal hygiene issue. Brother Oliver was nauseated, and ran inside the house to throw up on whatever surface would be hardest for the Guardians to clean. I was left alone with that evil, mocking grass.
I knew if I laid there long enough, the grass would grow until it came within My reach. All I would need was patience, and it could all be mine. After waiting a full five minutes, I decided that patience wasn’t working, and I retired to My Indoor Domain and the waiting food bowl. Unlike the grass, the food bowl never mocks Me.
So Sayeth Otis
Cult of Otis shirts, posters, mugs, stickers and more!
I’ll be giggling all day at “ass-ident.” Thanks for the laugh Otis! Poor Henry! We still love you!
Also, Leader Otis, I think now might be the time to start a Pinterest account, if you don’t have one already.
Pinterest? I do not know this thing.
You wouldn’t have been laughing if you could have smelled the ass-ident, Deedee! 🙂
PlumaBlanca the working cat here, “Maybe you could ask your human feeders if they could reach some grass for you, it helps to bring up hairballs and you could gift them one”
The Guardians of Otis do provide us with wheat grass, funkykarmamagic, but that grass on the other side of the fence just looked a lot greener! 🙂
Brilliant post! 🙂 great shots!
🙂
Mr Otis! How nice to have you back in all your wisdom! And I am distraught that the grass did not come at your command…shocking! Oh, and terrible sorry for Brother Henry’s embarrassment, nasty huh?!
Brother Henry appreciates the support, SPT! 🙂
You need to direct your guardians attention to the finer qualities of home grown cat grass which could be located inside your domain. Nothing like some good cat grass, as Funky says, to bring up the hairballs.
Wonderful photos 🙂
The Guardians do provide grass, Wazeau, but as I told Funky, this grass just seem greener. 🙂
So near and yet so far…..
Indeed Cat’s Cats. Indeed. 🙂
Aww… There’s nothing like good grass from beyond the walls. But it is a little annoying, how it does not respond to commands or threats.
I know! Why does it mock Me?
Aw, them mean ol’ grasses was teasin’ you! Give it a few days and it’ll be yours! As long as no one cuts it down first…
When it reaches the right height…I shall be ready. 🙂
Grass? We don’t have any on the balcony or in the house. Maybe Mama can get some from the store…I’ll have to tell her about this stuff called grass.
Teddy.
Yes, Teddy, you must experience the wonders of grass!
Aww, poor Otie Potie Pie 😦 You sound like you need a snuggly hug 🙂 (And a kind guardian to pick that insolent grass for you!)
Thanks, knotrune. The Guardians just hit that grass with a thing called a “weed-whacker” yesterday! That’ll show it! 🙂
RC Cat, “Dear Otis, We are simply exhausted after reading about your futile efforts with the mocking grass. Then We worried Our Special Grass had somehow wandered to your home. A stately scrambled revealed Our Special Grass container is still in Our sunny window. It now demands Our attention: and a nibble trim, so We shall have to continue this chat late. In sympathy of your unobtainable dream, I offer a soft cheek pat.”
Thanks RC. 🙂