For the past week, the Guardians of Otis were away. They went to someplace called “Twos On”, presumably on official cult business. While they were away, they designated the one they call “Steph” as a temporary Guardian of Otis. Steph did an excellent job, and Brother Henry and I had a lot of fun with her. Brother Oliver, however, refused to fully accept Steph as his interim Guardian, and he remained a bit aloof. In Brother Oliver’s opinion, The Guardians of Otis should never leave us for longer than is necessary to buy us food and snacks, or to make money to buy us food and snacks. Leaving for several days is, in his opinion, completely unacceptable.
So, now that the Guardians have returned, Brother Oliver has come up with a plan to prevent them from leaving for an extended period ever again. He said he noticed that whenever the Guardians are about to leave, they pull a strange box out of the closet and fill it with things. They then take this box with them. If they leave without the box, they always come back in less than a day. If they leave with the box, they are gone for more than a day. Sure enough, when the Guardians returned this time, they had the box with them. As soon as they put the box down, Brother Oliver put his big plan into action.
As you can see, Brother Oliver has decided that if the strange box doesn’t go anywhere, the Guardians won’t go anywhere. He told Me that he intends to sit on that box from now on. I didn’t ask him what he is going to do about his food and litter box needs; I probably don’t want to know as he seems very committed to his box-top vigil.
I admire Brother Oliver’s conviction, but I think his wish that the Guardian’s never go anywhere might be a little short-sighted. After all, temporary Guardians seem particularly willing to give us snacks to gain our trust. The more flighty we act toward them, the more snacks they offer. And once we finally allow them to pet us, they are so happy that they give us even more snacks. Brother Henry and I love the Guardians of Otis as much as Brother Oliver does, but we’re willing to put up with their periodic trips since each absence comes with a veritable goldmine of tasty treats. I know they’ll always come back, and when they do I will welcome them with a full belly!
So Sayeth Otis