Hello? Are you there? Can you hear Me?
Hmmm…come a little bit closer so I can smell you. <sniff>…<sniff><sniff>.
OK. I just needed to smell your breath to make sure you have not been drinking too much of the human catnip drinks that the Guardians seem to enjoy on the last day of the year. I need to make sure you are clear-headed (well, clear-headed enough) to make a very important Mew Year’s resolution. Now, reach out your hand and place it against My paw.
Is your hand on My paw? Good. Now repeat after Me, “In 2012, I resolve to do everything I can to improve the quality of life for all domestic kitties with whom I come into contact. Furthermore, I resolve to keep my own kitties safely contained, well-enriched and thoroughly loved to the best of my ability, so help me Otis.”
What you have just made is your Mew Year’s resolution. Unlike New Year’s resolutions, Mew Year’s resolutions cannot be broken. If you break a Mew Year’s resolution, you will incur the Wrath of Otis! You do NOT want to incur the Wrath of Otis. If you do, someday when you are sleeping, I will sneak up on you and whack you in the nose with My Mighty Paw of Justice! It will hurt terribly, especially if I decide to extend My razor-sharp Claws of Condemnation!
So, if you have made the Mew Year’s resolution, My Disciples, do not break it. And if you were sneaky and decided not to make the resolution when I asked you to, make it now! Refusing to make the Mew Year’s resolution won’t result in a whacking from the Mighty Paw of Justice, but it just might anger Brother Henry. If you anger Brother Henry…well…let’s just say you do not want to find out what happens when you anger Brother Henry. Don’t risk it, My Disciples. Make the Mew Year’s resolution with Me now, and together let’s make 2012 the best year yet for domestic kitties everywhere.
So Sayeth Otis