Ever since I was swept up in The Capture and began My new life in The Promised Land, I have had little reason to slink, hide or be stealthy in general. With the Guardians keeping Me safe and well-fed, I have had no need to stick to the shadows to avoid being eaten or to sneak up on a potential meal. Sometimes Brothers Henry and Oliver and I make sneak attacks on one another, but since we are all living under the same, safe conditions I feel like we might all be a little “stealthily challenged”.
In order to ensure that My skills in the sneaky arts remain strong, I have instituted a rigorous training regimen for Myself. The Guardians have been helping by providing me with a special, two-colored piece of fabric on which I have been practicing sneak attacks.
I have been training with the colored fabric for about two hours a day. I have nearly perfected multiple types of sneak attacks including the “wicker super-sneak” where I burst out from under the wicker rocking chair on My side and deliver a devastating blow with my claws. There’s also the “wicker super-surprise” where I pop up out of the back of the wicker rocking chair in a fury of claws and teeth.
The technique that has tested My stealth skills the most though has been the “wicker super-duper sneaky surprise.” This is an advanced technique that requires Me to lay absolutely motionless beneath the rocking chair with one paw sticking out from under it. I must slow My breathing and heart rate, and focus all of My senses into the exposed paw. Sitting in this trance-like state, I wait for something to brush against the paw. When that happens, I strike.
None of these attacks stand a chance of succeeding though if I am seen crawling under the wicker chair. So I have also been working on a stealthy approach that allows me to get into position without being spotted. The Guardians often have a white blanket on the couch that hangs down to the floor at the end closest to the wicker chair. I have found that it can be used to effectively mask My approach. I can crawl under the back of the couch, emerge at the front beneath the blanket and then crawl under the blanket to the chair.
It may seem silly to put in all of this effort to keep My stealthiness well-tuned when I am living in the protective confines of The Promised Land, but there are still many kitties out there that are not as fortunate. As long as humans allow these poor cats to continue to wander in the wilderness, they will need to be well versed in the sneaky arts to survive. I am trying to teach humans to change their behavior, but I know it won’t happen overnight. Until it does, the stealth techniques I develop here in the safety of The Promised Land may help save the lives of unprotected cats…especially if those cats have access to a wicker rocking chair.
So Sayeth Otis