Yesterday the Guardians brought home a very large box.  It was kind of strange because it was made out of clear plastic.  Of course, this didn’t stop The Brothers and I from wanting to sit in the box.  In fact, we were so excited to sit in it that we got in an argument about who should sit in it first.  We ended up all jumping into it at the same time, which was a bit chaotic and not at all satisfying.

The Brothers and I couldn't agree on who should sit in the box first. We ended up all jumping in at the same time.

Since none of us was very happy when we were all in the box together, we all jumped out again.  When we did, one of the Guardians threw a catnip banana in the box.  Brother Oliver leaped back into the box immediately and began mauling the banana.

After The Brothers and I jumped out of the box, a Guardian threw a catnip banana into it. Brother Oliver reacted immediately.

As Brother Oliver went bananas on the catnip banana, Brother Henry was watching him.  He said, “Hmmmm…maybe this is a banana show box!  That’s probably why it has clear sides, you know, so you can watch someone put on a show attacking the banana.  Why else would the Guardians have thrown the banana in there?”

Brother Henry deduced that the clear plastic box was a "banana show box". That seemed to make sense.

After watching Brother Oliver attack the banana for several minutes, Brother Henry asked if he could have a turn.  Brother Oliver said, “No, Brother Henry.  I’m thinking of becoming a professional banana show box actor, so I need to practice as much as possible.  You’ll need to get your own banana and show box if you want to try it.”  Brother Henry got mad and walked away.

Brother Oliver told Brother Henry that he couldn't have a turn in the banana show box. Brother Henry got mad and left.

When Brother Henry left, I told Brother Oliver that he should at least let Me take a turn in the banana show box.  I am, after all, The Leader.  Brother Oliver said, “I’m sorry Leader Otis, but I really think professional banana show business is my true calling.  I need all the practice I can get to perfect my art.  Besides, we all know full well that you have a catnip banana problem, so you really shouldn’t be playing with the banana anyway.  Now, if you’ll excuse me for a moment, I just have to freshen up a bit before my next show.”  He then began to groom himself.

Brother Oliver wouldn't let Me have a turn in the box either. He started grooming to prepare for his next show.

As Brother Oliver continued to groom, I decided to leave.  Just as I got to the kitchen door, I heard Brother Oliver say, “Ladies and gentlecats!  The next banana box show is about to begin!”  There was silence for a moment, and then I  heard him say, “Leader Otis?  Brother Henry?  The show is about to start.  Don’t you guys want to watch?”

As I left the room, Brother Oliver began to shout that the next show was about to begin. He asked if we wanted to watch.

I just kept walking, and I ran into Brother Henry by the back door.  He rolled his eyes as we heard Brother Oliver repeat, “Guys!  The next show’s starting!  Come and watch!”  We decided to head up to Kitty Valhalla and hang out on the Sacred White Cloud of Eternal Comfiness together.  Brother Oliver joined us sometime later.  He told us that the Guardians had watched his show and gave it very high marks.  He also said they took the box away to the workroom, and he was sure that they were rigging it up with neon lights that said, “Brother Oliver, show cat extraordinaire!”  Somehow I doubted that, but I didn’t want to burst Brother Oliver’s bubble, so I just let it go.

So Sayeth Otis

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A kitty that I had previously believed to be a safely contained, indoor-only cat has suddenly appeared in Limbo.  When I saw her before (I think it’s a girl anyway) she was always looking out the front window of the house across the street.  The Guardians saw her too, and they began calling her “Minerva”.  Well,  imagine My surprise/disappointment when Minerva came running across the street yesterday after the Guardians put out catnip for Cookie and Mama Cat!  I watched her from the tall cat tree in My front window as she helped herself to some of the nip.

I thought Minerva had responsible Guardians. Instead she has guardians that send her out into Limbo.

After she had eaten quite a bit of catnip, Minerva began to roll around and get a little crazy.  I was glad she was enjoying herself, but I was extremely sad that yet another neighborhood kitty was now in constant danger.

After partaking of the nip, Minerva got a little crazy.

As Minerva was rolling around, I decided to try to make contact with her.  I said, “Hey!  Minerva!  Look up here!  It’s Me!  Leader Otis!”  She rolled onto her feet and looked up at Me in surprise.

When I yelled to get Minerva's attention, she looked up at Me in surprise.

Minerva asked Me what I was “The Leader” of, and I told her all about The Cult of Otis and My mission to make the world a safer, healthier, happier place for all felinekind.  She hesitated for a moment and said, “You mean, the world is not safe for kitties right now?”  That’s when I realized that Minerva had not yet been in Limbo very long.  She was still naïve about the threats that exist in the world without walls.

I quickly told Minerva about cars, chemicals, wild animals, dogs, other cats, mean people, bad weather, alien abduction and every other threat that came to mind.  My intention was to give her a better idea about the danger she was facing so she would be better prepared, but I think I gave her too much information all at once.  Her eyes spread wide and she took off running and hid alongside the house.

I think I gave Minerva too much scary information at once. She ran and hid alongside the house.

I went to the side window and eventually got Minerva calmed down.  She decided that she would go back to her own yard and wait patiently until her guardians let her back inside.  I reminded her to be careful crossing the road because of the cars, and her eyes got huge again momentarily.  Fortunately, she made it back home OK…this time.

Every time a cat is sent out into Limbo, it is just like spinning a big wheel of fate.  More times than not, if luck holds, the wheel will come to a stop with the needle pointing at “home safe.”  But this is not guaranteed.  As long as a cat’s guardians are not setting safe boundaries to keep their kitty out of harm’s way, the possibility remains that the wheel will someday come to a stop on “car”, “coyote”, “dog”, “raccoon”, “poison” or any number of other things that are not even remotely close to “home safe.”  Neither The Brothers, nor the Guardians, nor I can imagine why anyone who truly loves their cat would ever feel OK making that kind of gamble with his or her life.

So Sayeth Otis

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When we left off yesterday, I had just summoned one of the Guardians so he could use his thumbs to open our mysterious package that was inside the other package.  The Guardian did so, and Brother Oliver and I immediately poked our head into the now open package to investigate.

After the Guardian used his thumbs to open the package, Brother Oliver and I investigated the contents.

The smell of catnip was now overwhelming!  It was coming from the half-dozen or so cloth objects that the box contained.  It smelled so good I started licking My lips.

The box contained a half-dozen cloth objects that smelled strongly of catnip. It smelled so good!

As the catnip fumes permeated My very being, I was instantly compelled to bat at these amazing little objects.  I just couldn’t help Myself.

The catnip fumes intoxicated Me. I was compelled to bat and play with the amazing cloth objects.

Brother Oliver was overwhelmed as well.  He knocked one of the objects clear out of the box and began to bat it around on the floor nearby.

Brother Oliver was also overcome by the catnip fumes. He began batting one of the catnippy objects around on the floor.

At this point I was convinced that this package was not sent to us by dogs as a distraction so they could start the long-feared Dog Uprising.  There was no way dogs could have gained access to such high quality catnip and, like us, they lack thumbs so they could never have tied the catnip up in these little cloth bundles.  As I puzzled over who could have sent these wondrous things, I remembered the card.  I managed to open the card and the message inside solved the mystery.  It said:

“Dear Otis, Henry and Oliver
I’m one of your disciples…
I love your photos and wisdom!
These are called “Chatnip” (word
coined by Ingrid N. at Peta!..)
It is organic catnip.  Hoping you’ll
enjoy!.. (as much as the banana)
With Love, Claudine
PS:  Sorry I couldn’t find a “Cat card!”

So this was a gift from My Disciple, Claudine!  I was so happy and grateful that I began to purr and rub My cheek all over the card.

I was so grateful for Claudine's gift that I couldn't help but purr and rub My cheek on her card.

At this point I realized that Brother Henry was still on patrol, so he hadn’t been able to enjoy our gift yet.  I called to him and he must have misunderstood because he came running with a shout of “UNHAND THE LEADER, REBEL CANINES!”  When I told him the real story behind our special package he got all excited.  He took one of the organic catnip toys up onto the wicker rocking cat tree and began playing with it energetically.

Brother Henry returned from his patrol and began to play with one of our wonderful new toys.

All three of us played and played until we were exhausted.  I then climbed up onto the big cat tree in front of the window to reflect on the wonders of catnip and unexpected gifts.

After playing until I was tired, I climbed up on the cat tree to reflect on catnip and unexpected gifts.

After reflecting for a bit, and feeling like a very lucky cat, I remembered that there are a lot of kitties out there that are much less fortunate.  I decided that we should share some of these wonderful “Chatnips” with the Limbo kitties living in our neighborhood.  I know they will enjoy them as much, if not more than The Brothers and I do.  Thank you so much, Claudine, for giving us such a lovely gift!

So Sayeth Otis

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When we left off yesterday, Brother Oliver had just discovered that there was something inside the mysterious package that had been delivered to us.  As he reached in to pull out the contents, Brother Henry stood at the ready to act if I needed protection.  Fortunately, what Brother Oliver pulled out from the package was not dangerous.  It was another package!

The package was pinkish-colored and made of plastic.  We were all very intrigued.  Brother Oliver took a sniff and said, “This smells like catnip!”  There was also a card that had two dogs on it, but we were so entranced by the smell of catnip emanating from the plastic package that we didn’t even think to read the card right away.

Inside the package was a card and another package. It smelled like catnip!

Brother Oliver and I inspected the package closely to see if there was any way to open it.  I said, “Look Brother Oliver!  There’s a crack that goes all the way around the edge here.  I think it might open along this crack!”  We both poked and prodded with our paws, but we couldn’t seem to make any headway on opening the package.

I thought I saw a crack along which we could open the package, but Brother Oliver and I couldn't figure it out.

At this point Brother Oliver said, “Maybe if I bite it hard enough it will open.”  As he proceeded to bite it, Brother Henry said, “Well, it looks like there’s no real danger here, so I’m going to go patrol the area to make sure that this package wasn’t just something to distract us while the long-feared Dog Uprising gets underway.  After all, the card did have two dogs on it.”  He then walked away to start his patrol.

Brother Oliver thought that if he bit the package, it might open. Brother Henry left to patrol for signs of the long-feared Dog Uprising.

Brother Oliver bit the box as hard as he could and then said, “Ow!  Ith too hart.  I thing I hur ny toof!”

The box was too hard for Brother Oliver to bite through. He thought he might have hurt his tooth when he tried.

Just when it seemed like all hope for opening the package was lost, I had an idea.  I realized that the reason we were unable to open the package was because we didn’t have thumbs.  But I knew who did.  I meowed loudly for the Guardians and one of them immediately appeared to do My bidding.

So Sayeth Otis

Tomorrow- Mysterious Package Part III:  Mystery Solved

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The other day, one of the Guardians came home from work with a mysterious package he had received in the mail.  It was addressed to The Brothers and Me.  None of us had ever received a package in the mail before, so we were even more curious than we usually are.  That’s saying a lot, because we cats are always very curious.

The Guardian received a mysterious package in the mail that was addressed to The Brothers and Me. We were very curious about it.

As we were all investigating the package, I noticed that it was very squishy and padded.  I thought that maybe it wasn’t a package at all, but a pillow that someone had sent Me to rest My tired head.  I laid down on it to test My theory.

I thought that, since the package felt padded, it might actually be a pillow for Me to rest My head on.

Just as I was getting settled in and starting to fall asleep on My pillow package, Brother Oliver said, “Wait!  Leader Otis!  There’s something inside!”  I was instantly awake as My curiosity reached a fever pitch.

Brother Oliver discovered that something was inside the package. Perhaps it was not a pillow after all.

Brother Oliver reached his paw into the package and felt something smooth and firm.  He said, “Leader Otis!  I’m not sure what it is, but I’m going to try to pull it out.  Get ready to run in case it is something dangerous!”  Brother Henry remained focused and at the ready in case he needed to leap into action to protect Me.  Brother Oliver slowly pulled out the contents of the package.

So Sayeth Otis

Tomorrow- Mysterious Package Part II:  Package Within A Package

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Leader Otis

My Disciples,

Oh My gosh!  Sorry for the late update today but we are at Defcat 1 here!  The Guardians have been in cleaning mode all morning and that terrifying, carpet sucking vacuum thing has been roaring around the house!  The Brothers and I haven’t even been able to make it out of the closet long enough to get on the computer, so I am sending this from my iPawed.

Huh!?  Whazzat?  Brother Oliver says he hears the vacuum coming back around, so I’m going to turn this thing off in case it can sense the presence of electronics.  I only hope it can’t also sense fear!

So Sayeth Otis

sent from my iPawed

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This morning at breakfast, while the Guardian was refusing to feed Me waffles again, I noticed that he had something else interesting on his plate.  It was some kind of round patty.  The Guardian noticed Me staring at it and said, “That’s veggie sausage Otis.  You don’t want it.” As with the waffle, he was very wrong.  I did want that veggie sausage.  I don’t even know what a veggie sausage is, but I assumed that it must be from some wondrous creature called a Veggiebeast or something.  It probably has nice crunchy bones like a little bird or mouse!

With visions of the wild Veggiebeast dancing in My mind, I redoubled My efforts in staring at the veggie sausage.  The Guardian obviously noticed because he said, “OK, but you’re not going to like it…” and then he tore off a piece of the veggie sausage and offered it to Me.

The Guardian finally decided to offer Me some of the veggie sausage. It was wise of him not to defy Me.

As the tiny morsel of Veggiebeast touched My lips, I was overcome with delight.  What an interesting flavor!  What a unique texture!  I had never tasted anything like it.  It tasted so…so…forbidden!

The veggie sausage was like a delectable little piece of concentrated, forbidden goodness.

After I had swallowed the Guardian’s offering, I was very pleased with him.  I wanted to show him that he had done well so I began to gently massage his toes.  It must have tickled, because he started to laugh.

After the Guardian offered Me a piece of veggie sausage, I showed My approval by massaging his toes.

I still don’t know what a Veggiebeast looks like, but I now know that they are completely delicious.  They must not be something that everyone is able to digest easily though, because the Guardian said something like, “I hope that doesn’t give you diarrhea…” after I ate it.  It’s too early to tell whether or not that will be the case, but if so, I can rest assured that the Guardians will do whatever it takes to get that litter box thoroughly scooped.  Now, if you will excuse Me, I think I shall go lie down, because  I’m feeling a bit gassy.

So Sayeth Otis

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A few months back I mentioned that the Guardians had stumbled across some kitties that could safely be allowed outside in the world without walls.  And since then, they have discovered additional kitties that they feel are just fine outside.  They’ve also discovered many, many more kitties that they feel are less than OK being allowed to roam free without safe boundaries.  Because there seems to be so much confusion about which kitties are which, I have decided to start the new “OK Outside Vs. Not OK Outside” photo series.  Today, I bring you the first installment.

The two kitties in the photos below were spotted on two different front porches in our neighborhood.  The first was seen about three blocks south of our house, just hanging out on the porch near a pot containing a whole bunch of pine cones.  Take a look.

Here's the first cat that the Guardians spotted on a porch. What do you think? Is he OK outside?

The second cat was spotted on the porch of a vacant home about two blocks west of our house.  The yard was overgrown, and the home was in very bad repair.  Here’s what the kitty looked like.

Here's the second kitty the Guardians saw on a porch. What do you think? Is he OK outside?

If you have read My teachings or followed this blog for any amount of time, you will know My answers for the questions above. But what do you think?  Enter your answers below and I will discuss them in an upcoming post.  Also, please feel free to discuss your answers in the comments.

For those of you who receive My blog updates via email, you may need to go to the web version (just click on the title) to vote.  Thanks for participating!

So Sayeth Otis

One of the Guardians returned from a walk and shared with Me what they had seen.  Again…a kitty is lost.  A small photo, a psychedelic background, and the words, “Missing…Bart…Call…” and a phone number.  That’s all the detail that was given on this poor lost kitty.

The poster says very little, and yet it tells an all too familiar story. As always, I purr that Bart is someplace safe.

Sadly, Bart wasn’t the only kitty on the telephone pole.  His poster had been put up right on top of Hendo’s.  I guess I can assume that Hendo went missing before Bart.  Tomorrow will there be another poster on top of Bart’s?

Hendo went missing. Then Bart went missing. A clear pattern is developing here.

A block away, another telephone pole was decorated with three lost cat posters.  Hendo was there again on one side of the pole.  On the other side there was Stan and Milan.

So many lost. Are humans unable to learn from the mistakes of others?

I have decided that the humans in My neighborhood must have some sort of impairment that prevents them from learning from the mistakes of others.  I can think of no other explanation.  I mean, the evidence of what can happen when you don’t properly protect your kitty is everywhere.  And these humans must care at least a little bit about their cats or they wouldn’t even bother to put up a poster when they go missing.  So, if they care then why don’t they prevent this terrible thing from happening?

Maybe My kitty brain just can’t comprehend the mysteries of humans.  I guess I will just turn My mental energy toward purring for the safety, health and happiness of kitties everywhere and continuing to spread The Good Word as best I can.

So Sayeth Otis

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Oh My gosh!  I thought it was so exciting when I found out that the Guardians could control the stars, but yesterday I found out they can control rainbows too!  And not only can they control them, they can break them up into little pieces and make them fly all over the room!  It’s crazy!

I don't know how they did it, but the Guardians broke up a rainbow and scattered bits of it all around the room. There's one on the door!

I was so excited by all the multicolored shininess flying around, I started chasing the beautiful little lights.  I cornered one of them behind the couch, but it slipped away before I could grab it.

I cornered a piece of rainbow behind the couch, but it got away.

Eventually, the little bits of rainbow faded and then disappeared.  I guess the Guardians can only maintain their control over them for a short period of time.  Still, I had managed to run Myself to exhaustion chasing the rainbow bits everywhere.  I climbed up onto the cat tree and collapsed.  As I laid there, I tried to imagine exactly how the Guardians had managed such an amazing trick.

I laid on the cat tree trying to imagine how the Guardians had pulled off their amazing trick.

Eventually, I decided that this is just one more bit of the Guardians’ magic that I might never understand.  I also decided that, even if they could describe how they had controlled the rainbows, the explanation would probably be way over My head.

So Sayeth Otis

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