People and fur People who are Disciples of The Leader Otis,
Last week Brother Oliver had to go to The Bad Place two times! It all started when I heard The Guardians discussing Brother O’s stinky breath. I tried to warn him. I told him, “Brother Oliver! You better eat a mint leaf or something if you do not want to go to The Bad Place!” But he refused to listen. So it came as no surprise to me when The Guardians put Brother Oliver in the portable kitty jail and walked out the door with him.
Brother Oliver was gone for a couple hours, and when he returned he told me all about his harrowing ordeal. He said, “Sir Thomas, I know most kitties are terrified of going to The Bad Place, but I was totally fine with it. In fact, I was so calm that I practically laid down and took a nap while I was there.” While Brother Oliver was telling his story, I was looking at photos that The Guardians had taken at The Bad Place. They seemed to tell a different story. One showed Brother Oliver sitting under a chair and he appeared to be stressed out and panting.
When I asked Brother Oliver about the panting, he said, “Panting? No, I was laughing. I thought it was funny that other cats get all nervous at The Bad Place when I was so at ease there. It just seemed silly to me.” I just said, “Hmmmmm…”, and left it at that. The next photo showed Brother Oliver standing next to a scale. He looked a little bit upset and I asked him if it was because his fat butt had broken the scale. He said, “What!? Surely you’re joking! I wasn’t upset at all. In fact, that look on my face is one of pride. Just like Leader Otis, I have always been proud of my svelteness. The scale only confirmed that I am an extremely svelte kitty!”
There was another photo on the camera showing Brother Oliver receiving a treat from the good doctor at The Bad Place. I asked him if the doctor had given him a treat to help him calm down. Brother Oliver said, “Hah! That’s a good one. No, I think the good doctor gave me a treat because he thought I might be getting a little bit too svelte. He was probably worried that I haven’t been eating enough…” I was speechless.
While Brother Oliver was speaking, I noticed that his breath still stank. I said, “Brother Oliver? Did they look in your mouth while you were at The Bad Place?” He replied, “I think so… I’m not really sure actually. I was so comfortable with the experience that I sort of just spaced out the whole time. Why do you ask?” I said, “Because your breath still smells like a garbage pile. I really think you better do something about it before The Guardians decide to do it for you.”
Of course, he ignored me, so it was no surprise when two days later he was once again placed in the portable kitty jail and taken back to The Bad Place. He was gone all day, but when he returned his breath was nice and fresh. I asked, “So…. how was it this time?” and he replied by bopping me on the head with one of his paws. How rude.