Guardian Outpost

My Disciples,

Yesterday, I walked into the office and saw something I hadn’t seen in a very long time. One of the Guardians was sitting at the computer, and Brother Henry was strapped to her body with some kind of sling.

This is what I saw when I walked into the office.

Now, as I said, this was something I hadn’t seen for a very long time. Brother Henry used to sit in a sling all the time when the Guardian was painting, but she gave up painting quite a while ago. At around the same time, Brother Henry first got word of the possibility that the long-feared Dog Uprising was in the works, so he devoted the time he had been spending in the sling to patrolling our house and watching out the windows for any suspicious canine activity. When I saw him in the sling yesterday, I thought that maybe the canine threat had diminished or something. Brother Henry informed Me otherwise.

I thought that Brother Henry’s being in the sling meant that the threat of the long-feared Dog Uprising had diminished. I was wrong.

Brother Henry told Me that the sling was part of a new strategy he was instituting to increase our readiness. Although the Guardian didn’t know it, Brother Henry was using her as a mobile command post and lookout tower. From his elevated perch in the sling he had an excellent view of the surrounding landscape and could quickly identify any possible threats.

Brother Henry said that from his elevated position in the sling, he could keep a lookout for any possible threats.

Brother Henry went on to say that he was training the Guardian to go where he wanted by pointing his paw and meowing. So far it hadn’t worked, but he was confident that once the communication barrier was dealt with, his mobile command post would be our most important asset in our stand against the LFDU.

Brother Henry was attempting to train the Guardian to follow his commands. So far, he was having no luck.

And finally, Brother Henry pointed out that if the long-feared Dog Uprising did come to pass, there would be no safer place than being strapped directly to one of the Guardians. He said he was actually trying to figure out a way to fit Brother Oliver, Thomas and Me into the sling as well so we would all be protected if the worst came to pass.

Brother Henry pointed out that the safest place to be if the Uprising comes to pass is strapped to a Guardian.

I must admit that Brother Henry has a pretty bold plan for our mutual defense, but I have My doubts that his “Guardian Outpost” project will be successful. This is not because I think the Guardians can’t be trained to move on command or anything. No, it’s because I don’t think the Guardian’s backs can handle lugging around so many pounds of tabby fury for any length of time. Brother Henry alone weighs in at 17 pounds. Add in the rest of us and you have a whole lot of cat. I think Henry should modify his approach and try to find a way to get the Guardians to push us around in a wheelbarrow. Then this crazy idea of his just might have a chance of working!

So Sayeth Otis

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