Yesterday morning, at the time that has become customary, I made My regularly scheduled demand to the Guardians that I be let into My Outdoor Domain. I had been enjoying My usual post-breakfast nap prior to making My demand, and I had experienced strange dreams that included weird, loud rumbles and water sounds. I was hoping to continue My nap outside in the sunny confines of My Outdoor Domain, but when the Guardians opened the door I discovered the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of everything ever. It was raining! The weird rumbling sounds that I thought I had dreamt were actually the sound of thunder! I could hardly believe My eyes, so I turned and called for Brother Oliver to come and confirm what I thought I was seeing.
Brother Oliver came running saying, “What is it Leader Otis? Has the long-feared Dog Uprising begun!? Shall I go alert Brother Hen…WHAT THE! Is it raining!?” I told Brother Oliver that his last question was exactly the one I called him to answer. He stepped out into My Outdoor Domain, sniffed around a little bit, and then turned around with a puzzled and annoyed look on his face.
Brother Oliver said, “Yep, It’s definitely rainy out here. How could this have happened? Do the Guardians not realize that this is completely unacceptable? Aren’t they supposed to take care of us and attend to all of our needs?” I told Brother Oliver that, yes, indeed the Guardians are supposed to attend to all of our needs, and that they should know by now that I demand sun at this time of morning. I also informed him that we might have to take drastic measures to punish them for this enormous dereliction of duty. Brother Oliver then said something that surprised Me. He said, “Right! They must be punished! I’m going downstairs right now and I’m going to poop on the floor in their closet again!” That made Me forget all about the rain outside, because Brother Oliver had just inadvertently revealed the answer to a mystery that had been haunting Me for some time.
So Sayeth Otis